Poor maternal effort

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I gave birth to ds just over a week ago. In the few days afterwards I was on a real high. I didn’t really think about the fact that my labour was tough. Induction that lasted 36 hours, hormone drip, failed epidural, failed ventouse, forceps and episiotomy. The midwives/doctors were all very helpful so I have no complaints there.
However whenever I think about my labour now I cannot stop crying. It was so tough at times. On my discharge notes the reason given for the failed ventouse was poor maternal effort. That really upset me because I was trying so hard.
My recovery is really slow. I can’t walk very far at all and my legs and back still ache. Am surviving on ibuprofen and paracetamol. I used to want two children but now I don’t think I could go through it again.
Any advice gratefully received. Am feeling very low.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. Firstly, it's more than normal to be feeling low in these early days, your whole life has changed overnight, your hormones are all over the place and you're probably exhausted and sore. Secondly give yourself a massive Pat on the back for growing, carrying and delivering your ds. Congratulations! Your labour sounds incredibly challenging and exhausting but you got through and did it! I'm horrified that comment was written and can totally imagine fixating on it. I think I would speak to someone in the hospital really, ask for a layman's explanation and explain how you're feeling, it's worth talking things through with someone you trust if you feel it's going to keep niggling.

Please be kind to yourself, OP, don’t beat yourself up. I would suggest getting a hospital debrief as soon as possible. My friend, who has recently given birth, was feeling incredibly anxious due to interventions that occurred during her delivery. Her midwife got her notes from the hospital and went through explaining what happened and why. My friend was like a different person afterwards as she felt like she could process the birth as she understood more fully the decisions that were made. Speak to your midwife about the possibility of a debrief. I’m sure the language on your notes was incredibly gutting but don’t let the. tarnish the fact that have just done something incredible and birthed a human - that is amazing! I think that some of the language around maternity care really needs to change. Terms like failure to progress and failure to dilate do nothing but make women feel like failures by making them focus on the negative language. You are far from a failure - you are amazing!

Poor maternal effort is just a silly bit of termininolgy which means pushing wasn't working well. Not because you weren't trying hard enough. It could be that baby was in a bit of an awkaaard position with for example their head off to one side a bit so all the pushing in the world wouldn't help. Or after 36 hours of labour no matter how hard you tried your muscles were to physically able to work as well. Or with an epidural (even a failed one will cause some loss of sensation) you couldn't push effectively.

Second babies are normally a lot easier.

And congrats, you did amazing. You grew and birthed a little human.

The doctor who delivered my baby told DH that I'd had an episiotomy and ventouse because I wasn't pushing hard enough. I'm still cross four years on but one day she may have a baby too mwahaha and then she will know how hard it is! Chin up and enjoy your new snuggles.

It's an awful use of language. "Poor maternal effort" and "failure to progress" is just another way of saying "failure to wait" ie the doctors were on a clock and because babies don't understand that, many MW and doctors follow the pathway of intervention.

Sorry OP.

Congratulations on your baby op
It’s just silly terminology they use. I got maternal exhaustion and failure to dilate for my dc1 who was born by caesarian. When the real reason was the medication they used for induction just didn’t work for me. Yes, I was tried but it was day five of induction and all it managed was to get me to 2cm. It was not my body’s fault at all, it was just not ready. Just like it is not yours or your body’s fault. It’s done really well growing and birthing your baby.

Some medical terms are quite odd imo. I live abroad and here, poor maternal effort is translated as 'maternal exhaustion'. Sounds completely different doesn't it? Quite frankly, after such a long labour it's hardly surprising you were exhausted. Don't let this negative medical expression get you down!
Congratulations on your baby!

My first labour was traumatic too. I was in hospital for 11 days and still wasn't fully recovered when I went home. Its normal to take a while to get over a labour physically.

Emotionally the feelings will get better with time also. I initially had flash backs to my labour and felt I couldn't even think about it. But time heals all wounds. Just try and consentrate on your baby.

Just remeber you did amazing and having medical help doesn't diminish the fact you grew and gave birth to a baby. That is amazing.

What a stupid, stupid thing for supposedly caring professionals to write. Send a copy of your notes back with itnsteuck put on red and replaced with "mismanaged labour by incompetent professionals".

Congratulations on your baby. It's hard to get into perspective now but labour is such a small part of being a mummy.

Your ds will remember the wondeful mummy who read him stories, gemtly stroked him when he was hurting, picked him up and wiped away the blood from his first bloody knee, yelled at the touchline as henscored his first try, clapped through his first nativity, made his favourote dinners at exam time and hugged him when his first love dumped him.

Motherhood is so much more than giving birth. But be kind to yourself and find closure. Get help to move on and enjoy your boy.

Looked at my notes after the birth of my second son and I was furious. They said I had refused to self care. I was anemic, lost over half a litre of blood, had to be cut twice and have stitches without anaesthetic. They didn't believe I was weak until I dropped the baby on the bed. Oh, and the trainee midwife fainted. Luckily we were both ok.

Please don't take it to heart, you've done amazing. You're in the postnatal hormonal drop point too so you will feel wobbly and upset over things. As others have said it's bad terminology, not a reflection on you (although I would feel the same way) I really think they should update some of these terms.
I know someone who's baby had cerebral palsy through being premature and she hated that she was told it was because of her 'incompetent cervix.' Awful terminology.

Sounds like my labour - my DS was back to back, so pushing didn't work, but at that point I had been in hospital for 4 nights being induced - I was exhausted. I ended up in theatre having forceps and an episiotomy. I feel for you - the hormone haze goes on a while, you did an amazing thing, just try to rest as much as you can and just cuddle your new baby. Recover together, it's a tough experience. If it helps at all... I'm currently 11 weeks pg. so somehow I am going to try it all again. My DS is 20 months.

I had a similar labour (due to Pron) but only 16hrs being induced before they finally gave me an epidural and cranked the hormones up to max. Ds1 was back to back, cord wrapped round neck. Got distressed was prepped for emcs, but consultant managed to turn him and get him out with forceps with some tearing.
I was completely exhausted.
I didn't know I could read the notes or what was going on really.
All the new mum hormones make you very defensive and protective.
They settle down.
There is an incredible amount of mum guilt where you Tey to get everything perfect, but in the back of your mind you know these things don't really matter. As long as baby is safe and fed.
We had Ds2 and I kept suggesting I should have a cs. Midwife brushed me off and I didn't push for it.
He was the complete opposite, born in 5hrs with no pain relief or intervention. They actually tried to send me home because I couldn't believe I was in labour it was so easy. Luckily I resisted going home and Ds2 was born rather abruptly.
I suggest you find someone to talk to in real life to give you some confidence and reassurance.
Congratulations.

A week after giving birth is not the time to consider labour and judge whether to have a second.
On that basis the world would be full of singletons
Well done on your lovely baby. Enjoy!

Midwives are a**holes to be honest. They will write anything to clear their names of any wrongdoing on their part. Speak to PALS, complain and have a meeting with them and thrash it out.
I too was horrified when I received my notes. I told them in no uncertain terms what I thought of them, consultant include. Having said that, they did almost kill me. I'm taking my complaint to the top level as they were so bad.
14 months later and still suffering because of their ineptness. I hate the NHS as far as maternity goes.

I agree with others, it's clumsy terminology. It's not like you were sitting back having a fag not giving a toss whether the baby came out, is it?! You pushed as much as you could but the resultant force, combined with the force from the ventouse, was not enough to bring the baby down.
You got through a monstrously hard labour. Anyone would have been knackered at the end of that and pushing less than they would after a four hour type labour.
I had a long labour too, ending in EMCS. I was totally bound up in it for a couple of weeks, angry and paranoid. Then it suddenly lifted and I didn't give a shit anymore. The extreme feelings will help you process the feelings, then you'll hopefully be done with them. A debrief might help, though.

My maternity notes said I was being mardy & difficult. This wasn't during the birth but when I was on the post natal wards. I had been in induced Labour for 2 nights, ended up having EMCS with pph & was put in high dependency for 48 hours due to HELLP. By the time I got on the post natal ward I was dead on my feet, I hadn't slept for over 4 nights & the first night I was on post natal I was up most of the night as DS was full of mucous & had only just moved to formula after 2 days of being forced to try to BF, he kept on being sick & I'd had to ask for clean bedding for his cot several times, it got to the stage that I laid him on paper towels as the midwife who I had to ask for bedding was so nasty. I must have dropped off in the early hours of the morning & it felt like I had just gone to sleep, I was exhausted & still very poorly. A midwife woke me up by yelling in my ear, I burst in tears & asked her to please leave me alone, I was still in shock from what had happened during the birth & felt awful from the blood loss & all the drugs they had given me. Her reply was "you have only had a baby, women have babies every day" I told her I was going home that day whether they said I could or not. As soon as the shifts changed over I Put in a request to be discharged, I was told DS hadn't had his post birth checks & I would have to wait. It took another 24 hours for them to check him over, by that stage I was sat with my bags packed & as soon as it was done i told them to sort my drugs out as I was leaving. I went home later that day.

My friend had a birth very much like you describe OP. She was traumatised and complained about the hospital and staff afterwards and they used the exact same terminology. I don’t suppose it was Grimsby hospital? Absolutely disgusting way to make an already upset new mum feel even more shit :-( xx

Nat6999
That's terrible. I hope you complained. As I said, midwives are sadists. They don't serve any real purpose whatsoever. Neither a doctor nor a nurse. I hate them.
They simply don't care. I honestly don't know why they exist as I haven't met a nice one yet. Let's face it, they've got to be weird in the first place to put their hands where they do and 'deal' with all the grimness of birth. I don't get it when they say they do it for the bond with the families and because they love babies. Well, excuse me, have your own baby then. I certainly didn't want a stranger handling my baby, even if they were supposedly a 'professional' and I most certainly didn't want to engage in chit chat whilst in excruciating pain, which was caused by the 'staff' in the first place. I told them to mind their own business. Least they know, less they can lie on your notes.

Oh bollocks

And midwives are nurses by the way

StealthPolarBea

Really????????
Could have fooled me. I bet you're one of them. You don't see anyone else defending their sadistic nature. Waste of taxpayer's money, especially NHS ones. My goodness, they don't even have to work as a nurse first. Straight out of university and into people's ..........!
Sadists.
They're not exactly the brightest members of the medical profession from my experience and I've been unfortunate enough to come across quite a few. One asked me for hairstyling tips, the other stood admiring my bathroom for so long, she ran out of time to do what she was supposed to and had to rearrange a new appointment.
They're just nosey and very, very annoying.

Don’t be embarrassed
I put in ‘poor maternal effort’ because I am pretty unfit
Who cares what they say about your effort. You have a healthy baby?