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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Family visiting after birth - FTM needing advice!

14 replies

onecatshortofcrazy · 22/12/2018 18:39

Hi ladies,

First time mum looking for a little bit of advice really based on your past experience.

I live overseas and my first baby is due May 20th. My mum and adult niece are due to fly over on May 29th for 10 days to see the baby and also visit us (it will be the first time my mum has made the long flight over to visit us and the trip was already planned before I knew I was pregnant).

I’ve already been told that I won’t be allowed to go over my due date, so really I’m just looking for your experiences on his good / terrible you felt after the birth....? of course I know every birth is difference, and there’s is always a chance of needing a C-section but I’m just wondering if you felt up to doing anything at all in the few weeks after the birth, or if I should pretty much plan to be on the sofa the whole time (either way will be fine for me and my family, they have zero expectations of my hosting them!).

Appreciate your comments :-)

OP posts:

Jackshouse · 22/12/2018 18:41

Expect to the be on the sofa the whole time. What are your family like? Will they do all the cooking and cleaning? Make your expectations clear now.

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 18:43

Give them a detailed diagram of your kitchen. Particularly the kettle and washing machine. Do not be a martyr to your visitors. They are family and can pitch in or stay elsewhere.

milkmoustache · 22/12/2018 18:44

Congratulations! There is absolutely no way of predicting how you will be feeling - but you probably know that... If they have zero expectations of you, that's great, don't put any pressure on yourself in advance and don't have any plans
If they are supportive of you then they will be flexible and adaptable to how you and your baby are doing.

Original poster

onecatshortofcrazy · 22/12/2018 19:08

Thanks Milk! My family are awesome and will run around after us if needed so no worries there. We live in a really beautiful if not touristy part of the world and it’ll be the first time they are coming so I’d love to be able to show them around at least a tiny bit but I think your suggestion of not making any firm plans and just taking it day by day is certainly a good one!

OP posts:

CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 19:11

Its not just the physical side of recovering from the birth. Your first child is often a massive upheaval in your life, and it can be super hard to get used to getting out with a tiny creature who has incessant needs for food/sleep/nappies, especially on very little sleep. When DD was that age she would scream her head off in the car and cluster feed for hours on end. I know second DC need to slot in, but first ones don't and you'll never get the time back, so plan to nest and recover and if you want to do more and are up to it, then it's a bonus.

Santababyclaus · 22/12/2018 20:46

Physically I was fine 6 days after giving birth despite a very long labour and a second degree tear. I was walking around a local tourist attraction and out having lunch. Actually I'd have probably been OK to do that on day 4. However, in hindsight I regret being out and about so much so soon and I am now planning the complete opposite this time round.

It might be a good idea to prepare some notes/gather leaflets etc for places your DM and dn could visit without you, if needs be.

Stephisaur · 23/12/2018 06:37

Sounds like your family will be excellent visitors :)

I’m 11 days PP after an uncomplicated birth. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train still. I live on the sofa or in bed, so be aware that you might not be the life of the party!

Take any help they offer :) congratulations on your pregnancy x

MaidenMotherCrone · 23/12/2018 06:45

Everyone is different Op. You might feel fine you might feel rough. First baby I felt fine after 3/4 days but did sleep a lot (when I could). Third baby I did the school run the next day, felt fine (ish). I had 3 under 5, no help and had to crack on.

ChilliMum · 23/12/2018 06:47

I am with everyone else, plan to be on the sofa (if you are planning to bf this will pretty much be all you are doing in the first few weeks after baby arrives).

That said, your family sound great. My mum stayed for a couple of weeks after dd was born, did the cooking, washing, shopping, walked up and down with dd so I could eat / shower etc. And as a result we did actually get out for a couple of pub lunches, walks with the dog and it was lovely. After she went home I realised what a godsend she was when I was still wearing sick covered PJs at 5pm when dh got in from work

user1471426142 · 24/12/2018 05:21

I think the biggest factor is that your family will help and have no expectations of being hosted. That is probably the main thing in terms of how it will go.

For me, 9 days in following a dificult birth, i was still a mess partly because feeding was going terribly. At day 6 we had my in-laws and I just cried and got overwhelmed. A week later when my parents visited I was in a much better place to have visitors. A week later I was out and about. Some of my friends were out and about and feeling fabulous after a couple of days so it is really unpredictable.I’d plan for the worse and keep expectations low. You might be one of the lucky ones and if so, you can do a bit more with your family.

Original poster

onecatshortofcrazy · 24/12/2018 05:41

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. My mum has no expectations at all and honestly is happy to just spend the time with us and the baby, so I have no worries there at all - it’s more me just hoping I’ll be able to get out for a couple of easy days but I guess I can’t predict it! I’ll have a couple of local things in mind that my mum and niece can do by themselves if they want to, and totally just take day by day. Merry Christmas everyone 🎄

OP posts:

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 24/12/2018 06:23

While I was physically fine after labour I was tired. And so while I was out and about the day after I left hospital, the longest stretch where I wasn't at someone's home was for about 5 hours but I knew the place had baby changing and breastfeeding facilities.

If your mother and niece can left to their own devices and you are physically fine, then I would use the first day to show them where the food shops you buy stuff from are so you can send them instead. Then I would leave them to go to tourist attractions on their own. If you want to go out with them, preferably go for short walks in very nearby places you know. Otherwise you have to work out the logistics of where you can feed and change baby which can be completely random and stressful.

What I found with my DD is that for the first couple of weeks she would cluster feed at night and not feed much during the day particularly the afternoons. She also wouldn't feed for a long time at each feed. This is why I could easily go out in the afternoon. However some friends' and acquaintances babies would (and still do feed) for 40-50 minutes per feed. They also like my DD would cluster feed at night in the first few weeks.

Mumtoboy123 · 24/12/2018 06:31

Take each day as it comes. I was up and about physically but mentally i found it tough. I couldnt stick to the sofa though id have lost my sanity. I walked to the shop alone with baby on day 4

sickmumma · 24/12/2018 21:11

With my first I was out and about from day 3 doing my food shopping! I was worst with my second and I think to feel myself again took 2 weeks so hopefully 10 days after you should be feeling a lot better. Perhaps not whole days out but def to pop out in short bursts!

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