Feeling empty / numb after childbirth

[Canders]

Hey ladies,

It's been many years since I was last pregnant but I've been thinking about it quite a bit.

I was very excited about my first born and couldn't wait to meet her. However, instantly after birth I felt almost numb and empty. It's hard to explain. I knew in my mind I was happy and pleased she was healthy... but it was almost like I couldn't feel it. Does that make any sense at all?

I know they say you have the baby blues, is that what I was feeling? I didn't feel down or anything... I just felt like I didn't feel anything almost. I was exhausted so not sure if it was a mixture of that and hormones.

Thinking about my next labour and hoping this doesn't happen again.

I'm not sure about baby blues, but I recognise the knowing yourself to be happy rather than feeling yourself to be so. Lots of people talk about the big rush of love but I didn't have that. Just relief that they were here safely. The big emotions built slowly over the next few days.

Personally I think the emotion was just too much so my mind gave me a little emotional breathing space to catch up with my body. Second time around was different - ELCS and knowing what parenting was like probably helped!

Do you have anyone to talk about it with irl?

@DuggeeHugs thank you for your post. What you said about the big rush of love was exactly how I felt too. I think sometimes people paint a big picture of how it should be and how you should feel and it doesn't always match up. I was just exhausted and relieved.

I went on to be fine, love my daughter massively.

I've mentioned it a while back to friends etc but no one could seem to relate. Only thinking about it again now I'm pregnant again.

@Canders I think it's natural to go back to your first experience when awaiting your second. When are you due?

As for the rush of love experience, my theory is that it's just another part of the 'perfect' birth idea (vaginal delivery, minimal pain relief, up and about immediately with no mid- to long-term effects) which in reality doesn't happen to all (most?) women. There's so much variation in pregnancy and birth that isn't acknowledged enough.

@DuggeeHugs yes absolutely.

Having said that I did have family issues going on at the time which was stressful and meant I wasn't on talking terms with my mum. Perhaps on some level there was some sadness about not having my mum at such an important moment in my life... I'm not sure!

It's been 9 years since my first and my life is much different now, getting on great with my mum and much more support. At least if that feeling crops up again I'll be prepared this time. If it doesn't then bonus :)

It's so hard to tell in life - everything changes when you give birth!

I hope all goes well for you @Canders

Your body goes through a massive upheaval unlike anything else. I think it takes a few weeks for your brain to catch up! While you recover you're obviously not going to be operating at full capacity, mentally or physically. Give yourself a break this time. It's totally normal and you will love this one just as much 😊

I know exactly what you mean. I was pleased DD was here but I couldn’t connect to the situation at all. It took about a week I think for me to get that initial rush of love. She was just swaddled in this blanket looking ridiculous and it came in a massive rush and my boobs leaked EVERYWHERE. Just magical

@DuggeeHugs Thank you, I appreciate that :)

@PirateWeasel thank you... yeah I think now I know what to expect I will be much kinder to myself if it happens again. We put ourselves through so much I guess we can't always been 100%.

@Kittenrush I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way so thank you for commenting. I grew to have lots of love for my daughter, it was literally just after birth I felt this way.

Definitely not alone, I think that growing love happens for so many people. I definitely grew to love my daughter too :)

My labour wear really fast and I think I was basically in shock after. The baby felt like an alien! I didn’t feel at all attached. My hormones were everywhere. Neither my husband or I cried. It was a couple of weeks later singing to the baby that the rush of love came. Just burst into tears! I think this is normal.