Delivery...

[MammaHen95]

Okay mums, you've been nothing but AMAZING answering every question I throw out here... So here's a bit more of a personal one...

I have absolutely no doubts or fears about childbirth, I have complete trust in my midwife and medical team (I'm on the red pathway) and when it comes to childbirth I trust they will do what they need to so everything is successful.

However..... I am absolutely, undoubtedly, completely, utterly, entirely petrified of splitting or having to be cut............ Now, I'm not sure if it is a certainly inherited thing, but my maternal grandmother split during childbirth, and my mother ended up split a couple of times too (we were an open family of medical/care professionals), now I have that fear... I'm tempted to opt for an epidural but I'm terrified of being in pain with labour and then having a needle poked into my back!! My mother had an epidural with her last child and she had to be injected 7 times as they couldn't get the right spot, and that caused chronic back pain... Since my mother and grandmother are now gone, any words of wisdom? Any tips even to help me relax a little? Its my only fear, the only thing that's making me think I can't do this...

My best advice would be to trust yourself and not rely on what the doctors or midwives say. If your instinct tells you otherwise, it's most likely the right thing to do.
I was butchered by the doctor a year ago an the midwives were, at best, incompetent.
The epidural was okay for me. Didn't feel at thing and went in first time. I didn't suffer from any cuts or rears not by choice. I stated very clearly I did not consent but they ignored me. Luckily or maybe not, baby was too high so the evil consultant couldn't get her own way. Ended up with a botched section and am still suffering a year later.
I would say arm yourself with as much information as possible and make sure whoever is going to be with you fully understands your wishes so that they can't go ahead and please themselves.
It's awful, but you will come through this. Speak up for yourself as you may well live to regret it.

Perineal massage and vitamin E oil can help prevent tears. I had a 2nd degree tear but didn't require stitches, it was my only birth so I don't know if it causes any more pain than a non-tear labour but aside from being a bit sore for a week or so it was fine. I have no idea when it happened.

2 dds 4 years apart, not a single stitch or tear. Listen to your midwife. Mine said “when I say stop pushing, stop”. I remember literally sucking in with all my might when she did which prevented DD1 from coming too fast. DD2 was in water which def helped too.

It can be fine!!!!

I’ll be completely honest....when you are in that moment and someone is telling you that they need to do a cut to get baby out you literally don’t care. You just want your baby out safe.

I was worried about forceps, needed them and tbh it was horrible but I didn’t care how they got him out as long as he was ok.

Recovery was actually fine from large cut and 2nd degree tear. It was painful but 11months on I’ve had no problems.

Just go with whatever midwives/drs advise to make sure you are both safe :)

I was the same as you op. But on my first I needed an episiotomy and it was fine. I'd had the epidural no problem and healed fine.
Second baby tiny tear.
Third baby tiny tear because the hand was up. Epidural much like you describe above a lot of attempts to put it in but don't have chronic back pain although my back does seem a bit weak still but I'm only 8weeks pp. So I'll hopefully strengthen it up from pilates over the next few months. As another poster said in the moment you really won't care.

I just had gas and air, and managed to get away with no tearing. I did perineal massage with almond oil daily for a few weeks before the birth, worth a try anyway even if it is a genetic predisposition. My mother and grandmothers all tore in childbirth though.

I got a third degree tear. I was in the bathing pool and DD got stuck. When I tried to get out to get back on the bed she tumbled out.
They tried to stitch me up but the pain was too much. I am not scared of needles at all so the spine blocker I had didn’t bother me at all. However, I think most people are so shocked about the birth the needle would not really factor.
I was a dummy and messed around with the gas and air. So I done it with no pain relief. It was horrendous. I genuinely thought I was going to die. I kept screaming I was dying (because I was messing around and not taking the gas and air) then gaining some perspective and apologising to the midwives!
I begged for an epidural but I was in pretty active labour by the time I arrived at the hospital so that wasn’t an option. I would not have been able to sit long enough for them to administer it. It’s not a simple injection.

Sorry I’ve babble on! Good luck OP, it really is the most mind blowing experience you will cherish forever.

I had an episiotomy with DC1; it healed very well with no issues at all. I remember it happening but as I had a spinal block by then (shoulder dystocia) I didn't feel anything. I heard it though 🤮

I tore in the same place with DC2 and that was fine too. I was stitched up in the room I delivered in, using gas and air while DH held the baby.

It was fine - it isn't necessarily the terrible scenario you're imagining.

There's good evidence behind perineal massage so look into that.

The vast majority of first time birthers will I'm afraid have some degree of trauma.

I echo listening to your midwife at the critical stages (towards and during crowing) as they will guide you through. Tell the midwife who is looking after you your fears. If they have a student with them, perhaps ask that the midwife control the delivery.

Birthing on your left side if you are considering an epidural may help. Bear in mind that with a well working epidural you are at increased risk of an instrumental delivery and the doctor is likely to need to perform an episiotomy (a cut) as part of this.

I’ll be honest too - I had just gas & air and a second degree tear. I didn’t actually realise until the midwife told me! Don’t be scared :)

I ended up with an episiotomy that extended into a 3a tear after my forceps delivery, however they gave me an epidural before the forceps and it was brilliant - I didn’t feel any pain from either the episiotomy, the forceps or the hour it took to put the stitches in afterwards. 3 days on I’m a bit bruised and swollen down below but the pain is manageable.

OP try not to worry. It’s easy to focus on tears/episiotomies as being the big scary part but even if you have to have one it won’t necessarily be as bad as you might think!

I was terrified about being cut but was fine about the whole birth

My baby came out and I ended up getting an episiotomy, it was no bother at all, couldn't feel it at the time, was sore to pee for the first week but that was it, it wasn't bad at all, I even had sex after 2 weeks of giving birth wasn't even sore

I had an episiotomy and it healed really well. There was a couple of weeks of discomfort but it was sorted by 2 weeks in. There may be things you can add to your birth plan to give you more control. I said no students for stitching and stuck by that (I was very happy for students to do everything else). I felt much more confident having an experienced Dr stitch me up and he did a really good job. I had an epidural and didn’t feel anything. I was very anxious about stitches but it was far better than I thought. Sometimes the fear is worse than the actual experience.

I had to be cut for both my deliveries. Like you it was my absolute worst fear (I was under a mental health team for my anxieties). I was so afraid that even in my drugged up state and after two hours of pushing I still refused to let them do it. Baby started to get distressed and it did need to be done.
I absolutely kid you not, it was the best part of my labour. The area was numbed so I didn’t feel a thing and as soon as it was done I could feel baby moving down properly and comfortably.
The healing afterwards was also absolutely fine!

Second labour, and when the suggested it again I agreed right away after my last experience. A week later and I’m a little tender but really am feeling fine.

You will be ok, try not to think about what they’re doing, it sounds weird but I went from having panic attacks about it before hand to thinking that was the moment labour turned positive for me!

Being cut or trading was my worst fear as well. My baby was back to back and his head was rotated. The midwife was about to do an episiotomy but I then was able to push him out before she had time and I had a second degree tear and two grazes. I did not feel the tear. I've healed absolutely fine. I was stitched in the delivery room and had some local anaesthetic and some oramorph to ensure I was pain free. For me, the thought of tearing was worse than it actually happening. Good luck.

I ended up with a second degree tear requiring stitches and a graze. To be honest I didn't feel them happening and the midwife had to tell me what had happened. I didn't have any pain relief, I think everything is a bit stretched down there and it affects the nerve supply?

They gave me gas and air and a local while they did the stitches which helped. It was a bit uncomfortable but by that point I didn't really care and just wanted to hold my baby.

Afterwards again was slightly uncomfortable at times but I was very paranoid about having them in. it's all healed up fine now.

I worried about being cut or tearing A lot prior to birth and now realise I didn't have too. No one likes the thought of this happening to their lady parts but please don't put too much thought into it and scare yourself x

3 babies here. No tears with any. Grazes with all 3. Baby 3 came out fast and still no tears. Epidural part way through. Worked instantly for Labour's 1 & 3. Didn't work at all for labour 2.

Try not to worry. As a PP says, in the moment you literally do not care.

I had an episiotomy and honestly, it was the least traumatic thing about the entire experience!

I didn’t even know it had been done, and afterwards I didn’t experience any of the pain people talk about - if it wasn’t for noticing the stitches I think I’d have been none the wiser.

I had a lot of problems with sex for about ten months after the birth but I’m not sure how much of that was due to the episiotomy, if any. Regardless, in the moment it was absolutely no bother and it healed without any pain.

In the moment, you won't care about tearing. My baby was a big one so had an episiotomy and vaginal tearing. I was all for it during delivery as his head kept going back in! It was totally fine. Local anaesthetic helped. I did it on gas and air as I couldn't get an epidural in time. Healed perfectly within a couple of weeks. Toilet trips were fine from day one too. Don't worry.

I had an episiotomy with my first son - they numb it first so that there was actually no pain at all for the crowning. With my second the crowning hurt and I did tear however again wasn't as bad as I thought and my third I had a water birth - I did tear but only because she came or with her hand by her head!! I would really recommend a water birth if possible as that was my best experience and I didn't feel the tear at all! I also had no problems with healing etc and all was pretty straight forward xx

I would really recommend a water birth if possible.

One of the difficulties with birthing in the water is that midwives can't talk you through the crowning stage in quite the same way as they can on dry land. It's more difficult to visualise what is happening. This can contribute to more extensive tearing. If the OP is keen to avoid tears, and keen to use water, I'd recommend coming out for the actual birth.

I had to be cut and I had a couple of co-codamol and that's all, no other pain relief. But I'm still here to tell the tale.
Giving birth isn't pleasant and I don't suppose it's supposed to be and if I'm honest, it scared me to death for months after and my doctor believes the trauma is the reason for my post natal depression but I'm not pregnant with baby number 2 and I'm not allowing that memory scare me as much as possible. It's something that at the time you probably wouldn't even blink at.

You'll be absolutely fine
All the luck and congratulations in the world

I mean I AM NOW pregnant with baby 2. Sorry

I had a 5lb3oz baby and still managed to tear badly upwards. Didn't feel it at the time. Didn't worry about it at the time.

I was dead against a c section and epidural. When it came to it I begged for them both (0-10cm in an hour was the most traumatic bit!). Your worries and priorities change during childbirth in ways you never thought they would.

I too was scared of tearing but by the end of it I was quite ready to cut the baby out myself to get the pain to stop!

I was cut with all mine and to be honest I didn't even know it was done... they didn't tell me and i didn't notice anyway. With everything else going on I just didn't realise until they told me afterwards. My point is, don't even worry about it, there are so many things that could/Will happen, this is just one tiny thing and if it does happen, what does it matter? What exactly are you scared of?