Terrified of postnatal ward second time around - any tips pls?

[mishmash13]

Hello,
I ws wondering if I could ask for some advice/reassurance please. I had an emcs 5 years ago and now pregnant and due for an elcs in a couple of months. Had a bad experience and it's taken this long to feel ready to give it all another try and now I'm having a massive wobble. I keep having flashbacks to the first night on the postnatal ward which feel without trying to be overly dramatic - nightmarish. I was in pain, unable to move to pick baby up from cot. Was in shock and no real help or support. So exhausted terrified would fall asleep with baby in arms. Breastfeeding not great. Emptying own catheter in toilet and blacked out trying to shower alone.

I am so terrified of going back to this ward. I'm praying all goes well and am trying to rationalise that things should be better after an elcs. Last time was just so awful I have never felt so vulnerabld and alone in my life. I'm not worried about the op just the time on the ward. Has anyone felt like this and was it different the second time around? I feel like a mess thinking about it and angry at myself. Any tips/advice appreciated. Thank you

I'd contact the head MW & ask to go in to talk about your experience last time & the worries you have about this time. There'll be things they can put in place to help you, they might also be able to refer you to the perinatal mental health team for some proper counselling about your first experience .

I do understand how you feel. I had 2 horrible postnatal experiences, with dc3 then 4 (1 & 2 were in SCBU & I was discharged almost immediately as they needed the beds). Because I had vaginal births I had an expedited discharge arranged, by the perinatal team, with dc5 (not allowed a home birth due to complicated pregnancies) I had him at about 5pm & was home by 11pm. Knowing what was in place eased my anxiety & worries a lot.

Thank you Bernards and I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult time too. I will discuss at next midwife apptmt to see if I can talk to someone. I'm sure pregnancy hormones don't help I have teared up just reading words of support. Thank you again.

Would it be practical for you to go to a different hospital? Like you I had an awful experience first time but second time around I had a lovely experience in a different hospital. The first hospital's maternity ward was shiny and new but the staff were awful. The second hospital was dated but the staff were amazing.

One thing to remember is that you're 5 years down the line, things may have changed dramatically, chances are you'll have a completely different set of staff.

I paid for private postnatal ward second time around. No regrets.

Thank you Pixie, really reassuring to hear things better second time around for you and yes I do need to remind myself that 5 years is a while! It's honestly taken this long to think about doing it again. I have actually chosen a different hospital although all the same trust and shared staff but I thought a different physical environment at least might be less triggering.

Zack glad things better second time. Would love to go private. If only could afford it :(

I would discuss this with your midwife or Consultant and see if you can request a side room on the basis of your anxiety. Most units have them, it wouldn't be guaranteed as there might be someone with a greater clinical need, but it's definitely worth enquiring about.

Can you ask for a private side room? Our hospital charges £100 a night for a side room rather than being out on the ward.

Will your OH be with you? You could ask/demand that they allow your OH to stay so you have some support.

Thanks Foxglove not sure on the private room but will definitely ask now. OH asked to leave last time suspect it will be the same. Am hoping that with an elcs at least I should be in a better position to advocate myself this time around unlike last time when I was just too out of it. I have also contacted head of midwifery as a pp suggested so will see what comes of that.
Feeling bit more positive thanks all for suggestions.

Hi, I work as a midwife and reading your story makes me feel terrible. We really try to give good care in our postnatal ward but I'm sure there are times when we fail people. When we are really busy and/or short staffed it's seen as more critical to keep labour ward well staffed than postnatal.
It might be that you were unlucky last time and you will get much better care this time. But it sounds like your anxiety is really affecting you so I think just hoping for the best is probably no good. I would talk to your midwife or consultant (whoever you see first) and emphasis about how you feel - how your anxiety is affecting your mood, maybe it stops you sleeping, maybe you keep thinking back to your time on the postnatal ward. Explain if your fears are getting worse as you get closer. Hopefully you can then get something documented in your notes and have a plan made so that even if you are on the ward and it's very busy the staff will be aware of the need to prioritise you. Maybe accommodate your partner staying as well.
Think the idea of being at a different hospital but at the same trust is ideal as it will feel different to you but they should feel a responsibility to make it up to you for last time.
Also you are quite right to think it will almost certainly be physically an easier experience to have a calm elective section than an emergency one when you are exhausted after labour. Elective section women seem to need less pain relief (unless they have had numerous sections). And it helps to not have that first time parent panic too!
Sorry for long message - hope it's useful

Thank you for your kind words secretM. I hope I don't come across as having a dig at midwives as those involved in my antenatal care this time have been great and really supportive. I am also an AHP in the NHS myself so understand some of the pressures and desire to do a good job. I think you're right in that I was prob unlucky last time and unfortunate in that it has triggered so much anxiety. I have had some counselling but reading back makes me think that it might not hurt to get a top up and work through some of this anxiety before the day. Thank you for the words of support. I appreciate it.