Please help me

[Babyredfern]

This is my first ever time posting , so sorry if it comes across frantic , I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first baby , it’s been a horrible pregancy I fell very ill shortly after falling pregnant couldn’t breath thick mucus in lungs, couldn’t get my head off the pillow I used to cough so hard that I would pass out , throw up and my bladder would open after 12 weeks and 5 different gps I rocked up to A&E and begged to see someone I couldn’t cope any longer luckily they took my seriously and was now under the care of the miterinty unit (they had concerns that it was a blood clot or whooping cough) after many test it turned out to be a virus that had got into my lungs and got treated by a chest doctor my trust in the gps had gone I was told I could of lost my baby due to how seriously ill I was threw out all this is struggled with thrush (thrush has plegged me since I was a child) I couldn’t focus on anything other than how ill I was after getting better my thrush went wild got so bad I have been left with open wounds between my legs after trips to A&E for pregnant woman they have discovered I have “ treatment resistant thrush” they are trying to mange but mean while this has been gone on I have been so let down on Midwife’s and gps that I don’t know where to turn I have had to beg my whole pregancys to be taken serious and the only people to take me serious are the maternity doctors a mental health midwife was send out to me due to confirming I had depression 6 years ago at my booking appointment she stated I was in complete control and had no issue with my mental health she was lovely she apologised that I had “fell threw the net “ but promised things would get better and I would have support sadly this hasn’t happened I’m in agony down there every time I wipe I bleed it’s crushing me I need to spend time making sure it’s coming from one of the many sores I have and not from inside my midwife has no intrested in seeing me ( was ment to see her today she said I was her only client and asked if could be dealt with over the phone) I no longer trust anyone on the department and have no idea how I carry this pregancy forward , while my OH looks up baby names and can’t wait I feel I am being crushed from the inside I can’t bring myself to buy anything I can’t see myself holding this baby I don’t know where to turn now

Ok, deep breath.

I can't offer you any advice on dealing with the midwife team and I'm sure others will be along shortly who can, but I wanted to tell you that you can and will get through this and to let you know that someone is listening.

Everything seems worse at 5am. Is your partner with you? Could you wake him and explain that you need a little reassurance?

Warm thoughts.
You have had the strength to cone so far already - you are at 27 weeks. Your baby is safe and warm and happy. If the doctors need to get him out he will also be safe. You can do this. Your baby does not feel your depression or pain or sadness and is snug and lovely and loves you already. You can do this , despite the horrible pain you must feel.

You are doing a good job getting through this and You Will Manage This. You Can.

Thanks so much for your kind words I’d love to say I just feel this way because it’s the wee hours of the morning but that would be a lie , I have to go in on 26of this month because the high risk doctor wants to see me i haven’t even met him yet and already don’t trust him , what I wrote isn’t even half of how bad things have been I have been spoken to like I’m insane and like I have been making things up I cried about mid thrush and wasn’t taken seriously about how bad it was until one of the doctors took a look she said she had never seen anything like I she apologised that once again I had to beg for someone to take a look at me , it took her 7 hours of going round all the different doctors in the ward to try and give me something I feel like if I go in to give birth or have a CS that if something starts to go wrong no one will listen and something will happen just like now

I haven't got much advice but just wanted to say that my 'treatment resistant thrush' turned out to be bacterial vaginosis which was very easily treated with BV Activ gel which you can buy at the pharmacy (just check that it's safe in pregnancy).

Thank you I will look into it

There is such a thing as pre-natal depression. It's spoken about even less than post-natal. I think that maybe you should speak to your GP about getting a referal to speak to someone about your fears. You are obviously having a tough time & you need some support.

I’m no depressed I’m scared I have been let down so much and made to feel so terrible about myself and my pregancy the gps are useless just like I said at the start I could of lost my baby because they wouldn’t listen , and yes I do need support none of witch is coming from Midwife’s nor gps that’s the whole point in the post but let me point out again I am not depressed I am desperate to have someone in my corner family can only do so much but thank you for your concern

I can't really offer any advice but I totally understand your fears. I'm 36 weeks and like you, feel like something will go terribly wrong because I'm not being listened to.
Have you thought about writing a birth plan? I found this helped to express some of my concerns and fears. I also had an appointment at a Talking about Birth clinic which also helped - might be worth asking your GP or midwife for a referral?
You've made it to 27 weeks - the end is in sight so keep on going

Could you see it as a strength, that you are aware that things Could go wrong but wont necessarily. And that is better than not being able to plan ahead, mentally, for stressful situation? You are well equipped with knowledge of all potential situations, and better able to insist in help than if younwere näive and didnt think anything can go wrong. Your brain is clever and your feelings are right, because you are careful. You can do this, mentally and physically, and you are strong for your baby.

Deep breaths again, exhale for longer than you inhale, nothing but deep breathing to supply your baby with lots of fresh oxygen and strong thoughts. Do this for 15 minutes. Nothing else.

Then remember: You two will do this together and you are strong. It is your love that makes you worry and feel fear, but that shows how strong your love is and your baby knows how much you love him and that makes him stronger.

How are you babyredfrrn?

I’m not going to lie , I’m not great , I feel selfish because there’s people out there losing there baby’s and I’m so lucky this ones still rolling around and kicking me , I was at hosptail yesterday I am no longer being seen by Midwife’s only high risk doctors , they have admitted to not knowing what to do about the thrush all tests are coming back saying I need to be giving a certain type of pill to take it away but isn’t safe for the baby so it’s not an option , i sob every time I go to pee it’s so painful they think it will be c-sec to get the baby out but they have asked for two more weeks of research before admitting defeat on thrush every doctor I have seen have all said “ I have never seen anything like it” witch doesn’t help I then found out because my bmi is 35 that I will need to get injections for weeks after c-sec I have two blood clot injection in my stomach before at the start of the pregancy witch was so sore I couldn’t do it again , me and my partner are at each other’s throats I just don’t know where that happy ending comes in or if there will be one

But I really appreciate you asking how I am sorry for the rant