3rd degree tears.......bad birth

[lilsmum]

i had my dd in jan, and waters broke first with no contractions gave birth to my dd 28hrs later, as they wouldnt give me a drip to speed it along even though they said the baby would be prone to infection if i went over 24 hrs!!! i was given paracetimol as a pain killer!!! (what a joke!!) and was left in terrible pain for 16 hrs(once my contractions got going i was in the same amount of pain up until dd was born!!! didnt steadily get stronger)when i did want a epidural but they kept saying it was too early then it as too late!! when i finally was told to push i was pushing for 50 mins and most importantly wasnt told that the babys head was there so i kept pushing (never said pant) so i pushed her right through until she shot out therefore suffered a 3rd degree tear then was given a spinal block and was repaired in the delivery room on he bed linen i had just given birth on which i think couldnt have been very sterile to say the least!!! i also didnt get to hold or be with my dd for 2 hrs after having her she was across the room from me but i couldnt touch her!!! has anyone else had any of these things happen to them? i seriously blame the midwives now as i am sure if they had said stop pushing and pant i dont think i would have suffered the 3rd degree tear

Poor you Lil, sounds v traumatic. I had a 3rd degree tear and extended episiotomy with my first born, who is now 12 1/2. She was born at home by mistake, because she came so quickly, that by the time the ambulance arrived her head was already crowning. Twenty minutes before she was born, the midwives arrived, and discovered that her head was facing the wrong way (she was looking up instead of down), and then they realised that heart was slowing. Suddenly they couldn't hear it any more so they gave me an episiotomy and said you have to push her out NOW. So I did, but in the process I tore right to my bum, narrowly avoiding tearing inside it. The cord was wrapped tightly round her neck when she was born, and there were a worrying few moments while they massaged her to bring her colour back and get her alert. One of the midwives told me afterwards, that they didn't expect me to be able to push her out, being in the position she was in, so that is why I tore so badly. No other choice at the time. I didn't get any pain relief at all, but they did give me a local for the episiotomy. Dh almost fainted on t he saw the scissors going down there, and still can't get the image out of hishead , even today

have you heard of birth crisis ?its run by sheila kitzinger, i found it very helpful having had a traumatic birth with my ds1.

Sorry, that should say "dh almost fainted on the spot when he saw the scissors going down there". I have something slowing down my pc, which means I am typing too fast for the letters to register properly sometimes. Grrrrr

thanks lou and shrub. i will have at look at the birth crisis site, i just think that the things you are told and not told about when you are pregnant is a load of rubbish!!! all this 'make a birth plan' etc lol and i had never heard of 3rd degree tears until i suffered one....the other thing i forgot to mention was that i had the same midwife when i was in delivery room up until about 20 min before dd was born then they did a swap over...to one student and one qualified midwife(apparently) i found out afterwards that the supposed qualified midwife was also a student!!! i only found this out because the 'qualifed' midwife lives around the corner from my sis-in-law!!and she had told her all about the course she is doing...to be honest ladies the whole experience has put me off i know i would be terrified if i got pregnant again and i do want another.

Hi lilsmum - contact me via contact another talker if you want to unload. I had a 4th degree and can completely relate to how you must be feeling.

Hi Lilsmum, sorry to hear you came out of it so badly. My dd was born in May and labour was short and straightforward. When I got to being fully dilated, however, I had no strong urge to push and the midwives on duty told me that i really must, that I was 'wasting my contractions' and that the baby would become tired. So I did, much against my instincts, which were sort of telling me not to bother for the time being (!?) and she was born very fast, giving me a 3rd degree tear too, also resulting in spinal block stitch job etc. My dd was not with me tho' I didn't really mind, having had a chance to feed and cuddle her and feeling generally a bit fazed by the whole thing!

I didn't think of it at the time, but my yoga teacher wondered if the tear happened because I was pushing 'against' my body rather than waiting for the urge to push. I have healed well and never was able to muster any real anger at the situation. I felt well looked after on the whole and the baby thing sort of took over

However your situation reminds me of this part of things and yes, I would like to know what other midwives think of the risks of possibly 'inappropriate pushing' like yours and mine.

spots i was the same at the time..... i couldnt be bothered complaining etc i trusted that they knew what they were doing and i too just wanted to be with baby and forget the whole thing its only now that i have been thinking about it etc i now there is no point getting myself mad about it but it just makes me so angry which is silly i know

so sad to hear what you went through and that it is affecting your thoughts on having another. i had been in labour for 32 hours then had to have a 'manual removal of placenta' - took over an hour with 6 strangers in a room and the main surgeon shoving his whole arm inside me trying to pull placenta out. i was awake during this time and my dh came to find out what was happening and saw through the window (they told him it wasn't 'necessary for him to be there') if it wasn't in a medical context i would describe it like being raped. when i was expecting ds2 i kept having nightmares and asking for advice with midwives about going through same problem again = they were very dismissive and said it probably won't happen, its just one of those things, i then went to doctor, counsellor, changed midwife and thankfully she was the first person who really listened to what i went through and knew how much it was affecting my pregnancy as all i could focus on was the birth. she got me an appointment with a consultant and everyone agreed a c-section would be best. it was and it helped me get over what happened, it can be so different. you just have to keep looking until you find someone that will listen. you may not want a c-section so all i can say is find out as much as you can about what happened and the chances of it happening again - lancet online is very good for studies/research. i also remember reading somewhere that if you go for waterbirth, it greatly reduces the chances of tearing plus massaging your perineum twice a day with organic almond oil. i realised i mustn't let what happened to me become the most important thing - not to let it have that power over you. the more you find out, the more confident you will be about becoming pregnant again. good luck xxx

So sorry to hear of your experience, i had a second degree tear which was bad enough DD had her hands up by her head and also I just pushed like mad to get her out. It was a quick labour and the midwife did not believe I was in so much pain and ready to push (went from 1-2cms to fully dilated in less than an hour) no time for pain relief.

There's some good help already mentioned on here and I hope it doesn't put you off having another baby.

Wasn't there some research someone posted on Mumsnet saying something like not being told when to push by midwives dramatically reduced the likelihood of major tears? Very interesting in the light of this thread, I think.