Scared and Anxious for DC#2 birth already - C-Sec Vs Homebirth?

[TwittleBee]

So I did only find out 3 days ago I am expecting baby #2 but I am already feeling the dread of Childbirth.

For context I suffer from acute anxiety (and yes the prenatal MH team has already been made aware I'm pregnant so I shall be back under their care again for this pregnancy).

The labour and birth of DS didn't go well; PPROM, long long labour, failed inductions, partially failed epi-dural, sepsis, foreceps, forceful and mean MW, mistake made by a Student MW etc etc. This left me with PND and PTSD.

Anyway, I really am unsure about my birth choices for DC#2. Part of me realises I probably will have 0 control over what happens again which is why I am tempted to opt for a C-Sec (despite the over medical environment and interventions of previous labour being part of what I hated) and the catheter left me with painful complications post birth too. The other part of me wants to push for a homebirth because I really want to try to be in control, I feel safest in my own space (I have issues in new places anyway) but DH is terrified something wrong might happen again this time.

... and now I am bloomin crying at the fricking fear and stress of getting DC#2 out of me after wanting this for so bloody long.

Just any advice, warm words etc would be welcomed

Oh you poor thing, your past experiences sound really tough.

Ultimately it’s only a decision you and your partner can make. But a couple of things struck me:

Planned c sections have the benefit of being scheduled in advance and there shouldn’t be any surprises! Friends who have had planned sections all comment on how calm and positive the experience has been. With anxiety this might be really beneficial to you?

I’ve never had a home birth myself, but my sister has had 2. Both times she had to be taken into hospital post delivery - her babies were fine but she needed stitching etc that couldn’t be done at home. This was very stressful for everyone. Do you think it might add to your anxiety that if (god forbid) something were to go wrong you would have the additinal stress of having to travel into hospital?

Thank you so much for your response MonkeyToucher how you described those two situations is exactly what I'm aware of. Having spoken to those who had planned C-Secs there seems to have been a really lovely experience. I don't know anyone whose had a homebirth but if anything went wrong I'd feel so so so so so bad

Hi, I can relate a bit to the anxiety and fear you're expressing - during my first pregnancy I was very anxious and terrified of something bad happening in childbirth. I opted for a c section to remove the element of uncertainty, but had a horrible time in hospital afterwards - mean midwives, feeding issues, pain etc. This time around I was scared again at the start, but support from friends set me on a brilliant path towards overcoming my fears. You don't have to
Make any decisions now, so here is what id recommend:

• read the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. It shows you you have choices, can be in control, and don't need to decide things based on fear
• find a pregnancy yoga group. The relaxing atmosphere, breathing techniques, knowledge from the leader etc, helped me so much and really loosened the grip of anxiety
• if you can afford it, try a hypnobirthing course. Mine was incredible. Even just getting some CDs and listening in the bath has helped enormously too. My favourite is Maggie Howell.
• join Positive Birth type groups on Facebook. You'll see so many positive stories, which helps to counter the hugely negative ones pregnant women are usually bombarded with, and will hopefully help to show you that your next birth can be completely different from your first.

The section option will always be there for you if you feel that none of the above has helped. But for me it all contributed so much to helping me feel in control about birth. I'm now 38 weeks and actually looking forward to giving birth, which is amazing given my terror last time around. Good luck with everything 

Thank you IsThisYourSanderling but literally everything you've listed is what I had done for my first birth (Hypnobirth courses are free in my area). Part of my PND was because I feel like I failed due to not being able to "breath my baby out" and how I allowed myself to lose control of the situation. I remember the Hypnobirth tutor and the book I read all stating how anyone can do that and if you don't manage it then it's because I didn't practice hard enough before etc. I bloody did try so hard and I done yoga throughout (actually still doing it now as I do find it helps with my anxiety but don't find it useful doing in a group as I can't stand feeling like a failure amongst everyone)

Good luck with you birth though and I hope you do succeed in Hypnobirthing

Hey! Just to let you know that I am in a similar boat to you, pregnant with DS2 after a traumatic first birth.

I was filled with panic about the birth when I had a positive pregnancy test and had a panic attack when touring the labour ward of the new hospital I will give birth in. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant and am feeling peaceful about birth - I have scheduled a c section.

In my first trimester, I was seriously considering a home birth, thinking that it was the cascading intervention that lead to the traumatic labour in the first place (I had intended a water birth, but after 30 hrs it wasn't progressing and I was exhausted/ in agony so had an epidural, then episotomy and forceps). However, I tried everything the natural birth people suggest the first time (yoga, hypnobirthing, herbal teas, acupuncture, essential oils) and my baby nearly died in delivery due to his large shoulders, wrong position and my narrow pelvis. For me, I think birth is inherently risky (natural and c section both included), but the safest option for me and baby this time is a c section.

It might not be the same for you, but I wanted to let you know it is ok to pick a c section, it is not a failure. 💐

I also had a friend try for a home birth after an Emergency c section for her first child. She laboured at home, and then after a protracted labour, made the decision with her DH, doula and midwife to transfer to a hospital where she had another EMC. She describes the experience as peaceful and says she felt in control the whole time, due to positive affirmations and hyponobirthing. So, it could be possible to try for a home birth and transfer to hospital if necessary - how far are you from a hospital?

antipodeanjo thank you so much, your story sounds so similar to mine and actually ready your words that it is risky has actually helped me a bit.

I think I need to talk to my MW asap really. I never had a debrief about it all.

I am just so scared about the recovery of a C-Sec because the catheter and epidural left me with such complications. But I also like the control prospect of it all.

Good luck lovely with everything

Chiming in to share my experience- I had an emergency CS with my first, recovery was hard, complications etc I think because I had a long labour first and then the CS had to happen so fast to make sure we were both ok.

With DS2 I had an elective CS and it was wonderful - we could plan in advance for who was looking after DS1, the birth itself was a calm and peaceful experience with no time pressure, everyone chatting and smiling, just amazing. And no complications and an easy recovery, I think because they could take their time and make sure everything was done right. I have nothing but wonderful warm memories of DS2's birth.

I hope you have a lovely calm birth experience this time round 💐

I had PND and PTSD from the birth of DD, along with a few birth injuries. I am planning an ELCS for DC2 who is due in Feb.

smellsofelderberries how did you find the experience of requesting a C-Sec? I am worried I am going to struggle being listened to as I know a lot of women are made to feel bad about wanting one or never actually get given one.

Xiaoxiong thank you

I think it doesnt help when I remember my mum being in the ward with me telling me all I need to do is breath, she managed it just fine with breathing, and she done nothing but rolls her eyes and tell me I am going to regret having an epidural and that I wasnt trying hard enough when pushing. Although my mum did need an emergency C-Sec with my kid sister, she did have it piss easy it seems with her first 2.

OP, I am so sorry that you had such a rotten time with your first labour.
But please don’t label yourself a failure for needing medical intervention or pain relief!
People who promote the idea of “breathing the baby out” with just hypnosis, or chanting along with hippy dippy whale song or whatever, absolutely infuriate me - they raise false expectations and lead mothers to feel upset, depressed and yes, failures, when they discover birth is rarely like that.
I’m a retired anaesthetist, who spent 36 years in hospital practice, including maternity units. I’ve put thousands of rescue epidurals into exhausted and pain racked women, who felt ashamed to need one, and I could cheerfully slap the idiots who gave them this toxic idea of “natural” birth in the first place.
Natural birth kills over 800 women a day, globally. It is unpredictable and dangerous. No labour is normal or straightforward until it’s over - we don’t have a crystal ball.
I’d advise against a home delivery as you had complications before, and knowing that you have no emergency back up at home will add to your anxiety.
Have a discussion with your obstetrician about a hospital labour and vaginal delivery, versus an elective section. There are pros and cons for both, and you need to be fully informed to make the right choice.
Ultimately, a safe and healthy mother and baby is the only outcome that matters, and your obstetrician is the person to advise you on achieving that, not a bunch of well meaning MNers!

Twitterbee, I'm sorry you had such an awful experience for the your first labour. I felt compelled to post as I was also really anxious about giving birth. I'd always been terrified by the idea of national labour. I researched all the options and decided that an elective C section was the right choice for me. I'm not saying it's the right choice for you too - only you can decide that - but if it is something you decide you want, I really recommend mentioning it to your midwife as soon as possible, outlining exactly what you've said in your post. You need to get her onside from the outset. It may be a bit of a battle to get what you want (I had to jump through many hoops) but as I was adamant throughout, they agreed to book me in. Best decision ever. The birth was calm and lovely. A really positive experience. The recovery was no picnic, but i could take pain killers to manage it and at no point felt like I wasn't in control - the thing I really worried about with labour.

@Babdoc *
*
People who promote the idea of “breathing the baby out” with just hypnosis, or chanting along with hippy dippy whale song or whatever, absolutely infuriate me - they raise false expectations and lead mothers to feel upset, depressed and yes, failures, when they discover birth is rarely like that.
*
This. * I wish I read this before I had my son, I wouldn't have felt like such a failure for making the wise choice of getting an epidural. Thank you for your post & the reminder that OP's obstetrician is the person OP should seek advice from.

I forgot to say in my post that I am consultant lead in this pregnancy and chose a c section on the advice of my obstetrician, who only recommended a c section at 33 weeks when he could more accurately predict baby's birth size (large).

Have been reading this thread with interest as I am also terrified about the birth after finding out recently pregnant with number 2.

The main difference I'm finding in reading everyone's responses is that everyone is finding a lot of comfort in the calmness of a elective section but my main anxiety is the thought of having to have a section again as I had to have a EMCS first time round, the recovery was horrific so I'm desperate for natural birth if only just for the recovery afterwards.

Has anyone had any success stories of VBACs that have had a nice second natural birth second time round after a EMCS?

I'm also in 2 minds about how to deliver DC2 after DC1 had prolonged 2nd stage, obstructed labour, episiotomy and forceps definitely had PTSD in hindsight and suffered anxiety.

6 years later still not over the shock of that delivery. I will play it by ear. Having growth scans from 26 weeks this time. I may opt for ELCS if baby is as big as DS and not in the optimal position. Or if my anxiety gets the better of me! I don't have to decide right now.

I had a similarly crap first birth (although not as bad as yours). I too felt like a bit of a failure because I tried really bloody hard with hypnobirthing etc. This difference I think is that I have come to terms with the fact that every labour is different and some people with the best will in the world will not be able to just do it with breathing, panpipes and soft lighting

My mum and my sister also had difficult labours. Instead of fearing medical intervention- be thankful that it is there. If we had been in a low income country without access to specialist care, I think my sister would have died in childbirth (her baby certainly would have) and I think I would have been in trouble

I’m pregnant again and debating what to do as my baby was measuring big for its head at the 20 week scan. I will try hypnobirthing again but I will ask whether I need a further scan to check growth. If the head is still off the scale, I’d be tempted by a section. If I go for a vaginal birth, I’ll want to be in hospital as I personally wouldn’t risk a home birth after a complicated first birth.

I am starting to consider the C-Sec route. I know it isn't easy as it is major surgery but I do think I will feel in more control.

I just do not know!

Doesn't help when recently I was shamed on instagram for sharing my "negative" birth story as people were saying I shouldnt scare mums to be and it is "women code" to not talk about any bad experiences

You shouldn’t feel shamed. Some people have wonderful births and others don’t. If the only people that are allowed to talk about birth are the ones with nice ones then reality becomes distorted.

Yeah that is what I thought and tbh I think that is why I felt like such a failure and had PND too. I was told to ignore all the "negative" stories. It is why I posted what I did to share my story. I didn;t put anyone down or anythig, just shared what had happened to me and how I struggled afterwards and still now.