Caring for my wife after Caeserean

[Rich32]

Hi,

My wife is having an unplanned, urgent Caeserean tomorrow. We are all set for it but I am quite unclear on how hard the recovery will be for my wife once we are back home. I would be really grateful for any practical advice from those who have had Caesereans or partners of those who have regarding caring for my wife over the coming days and weeks (and months?). Obviously I will give her all the emotional support possible so really I am asking about more practical stuff - is there anything I should get in the house so it is to hand or anything that I should be prepared for that isn't obvious? Any help greatly appreciated. Many thanks, Richard

All of the above. My husband also had to inject me, I think it was an anti-clotting drug? Couldn't bring to do it myself and they sent us off with 8 days worth of jabs which we had to do every morning.

All of this advice is really brilliant, thank you all for taking the time to reply. I have a great list to be getting on with!

One question, and don't tell me off for asking (!) many of you have recommended super big pants. She is wearing size 12 now, how many sizes up should I go?

Thanks again.

Yes to all of the above!!
It's so great you are asking. Am sure all will go well. Both my partner and I found the csection itself a magical experience and I wish the same for you both.

Main recovery ones for me:

• Yes to the BIG 'full brief' pants.
• Peppermint oil. The trapped wind was more painful for me than the scar itself in the first few days. Wish I'd had peppermint oil in hospital. The tea isn't strong enough. You need a few drops of oil in hot water or capsules. SUCH a relief!

• Pick stuff up. Literally and figuratively. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, changing the baby. Everything. Anything she drops on the floor. Anything that isn't immediately available at waist height. Get it. Pick it up. Sort it out. Put it in her hands. Don't ask her. Just do it.

• Choose what you eat and make it and hand it to her. Let her recover and look after the baby. Tell her she's doing a great job.

Someone said something on here recently about women in the immediate postnatal period as it's like you've moved to the war in Vietnam. Even if it doesn't look like she's doing much apart from feeding the baby, treat her like a warrior going in and out of battle. Sounds over dramatic but it's not far off!

I will forever be grateful to my partner for doing this for the first couple of weeks. He ran around and worked so hard to make it ok for me. I fell in love with him even more because he was right there when I really needed him the most.

It's a crazy old time but hopefully you'll be back here 'on the other side' in a few months/years advising others in your position.

All the best soldier!!

One question, and don't tell me off for asking (!) many of you have recommended super big pants. She is wearing size 12 now, how many sizes up should I go?

It's not so much the size but the type of pant if that makes sense. You want granny knickers basically, ones that come up to the belly button. If she's in a 12 now, 12/14 should be fine.

The knickers are called 'full briefs' and are super high rise - 12/14 will do and can be picked up in any shop - marks and Spencer's, supermarkets, primark, matalan. I would recommend getting about 10-15 pairs and they usually come in a multipack for about £6-8. She will be changing them regularly and any of her normal styles will lay on her cut and will be uncomfortable

Moses basket upstairs and downstairs...saves having to carry it around.
You do as much of the nappy changes as possible....saves bending over.
Same goes for cleaning the house...do it without asking.
Encourage her just to rest up and not be a hero....there is no rush to do anything. Stay at home, stay in bed! It’s hard enough having a newborn...let alone a c-section.
Let people help. If someone offers help...take it!
(I had an emergency caesarean with my first!)

Two sections here great advice from posters so far. I had a tummy belt with a heat pack in was amazing for scar. Honestly the pain was not bad for me was only in over night with DS2 regular pain relief housework and nappies done for me. Make sure she has lots of loose trousers nice slippers and remember to tell her she's great honestly it helps.
Good luck OP

I'm 3 days post my third section and just bought these. They are amazing, the support in them is fab, they're a bit like Spanx.

Good luck. Hope all goes well for your wife x

That you are on here asking is a really nice thing to do. I had an emergency C-section and actually recovered astonishingly well. I'll be having a planned C-section in January for baby number two, which I'm quite happy about, but having read back over my birth notes from last time I was quite amazed to read that I'd had four layers of stitches internally plus staples on the outside. That really brought it home to me what major surgery this is.

My point is that really you should be prepared to do absolutely everything for her if she needs. Different women have very different C-section experiences so you'll have to take her lead a bit but try and take on all household duties - cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Try and work it out for yourself rather than waiting for her to ask. Also make sure she has anything she needs like drinks, snacks, maternity pads etc. Basically assume she needs as much help as the tiny newborn does.

Also be ready for the hormone surge on day three-ish. It'll hit her hard and she could be tearful, angry, frustrated etc. None of it will be rational but your job is to say whatever she needs to hear to get through it and provide as many cups of tea/bars of chocolate/cuddles or whatever she needs.

Pants are usual size but come up to the belly button (because the waistband of normal pants is hip height and would press on the scar). Get black because white will quickly look yucky due to post birth bleeding.

There's some really good advice here! Recovery varies enormously. We were able to get a private room which was such a relief as I was closer to bathroom etc. Ward was a nightmare in a busy London hospital. They tried to discharge me after 24 hours but I still couldn't walk easily. Luckily a lovely midwife arrived on the scene and said 'this woman isn't going anywhere'! If you're driving home from the hospital - drive slowly. She'll feel every bump in the road!

if she really needs pain relief, be in charge of the timings-my husband did for me because I couldnt keep track of the timings and as they wore off I was in agony! Also one of those gripper things so she can pick things up off the floor.

Yes- as everyone has said, keeping on top of pain relief really important. I wasn't well tended in this regard in hospital and having to argue about it was exhausting -- be the advocate if she wants you to. Not getting the pain relief in time added days to my recovery.

Once home -- keeping the pain relief diary in a notebook is really helpful. You just don't remember what you took, when.

If breastfeeding, also good to help her note down times if she wants to.

Cleaning and tidying please, as others have said, just do it!

Make a shopping list on day one and factor in a daily trip for a while as things you never knew you needed become indispensable!

Strike out fail- meant to just be a dash!

I had a c section 9 weeks ago. I felt really poorly and immobile in the days afterwards, but one week later I was much better and was getting out and about. I'm usually a size 12 and I had big knickers in size 14 and size 16. Used the bigger ones early on while my stomach was still deflating. A maternity pad can be stuck on the inside at the front to provide extra padding where the scar is.

As mentioned above, I found peppermint capsules amazing.. got mine in Superdrug.

You sound very thoughtful so I'm sure you'll be great :-)

Pants wise I'm a size ten usually and had a size 16 midi pants from Sainsbury's as they need to come really high to not be anywhere near scar/bandage but also pregnancy tummy doesn't go down immediately. I'd really recommend the Sainsbury's ones as they were cheap enough to throw away but nice and soft.

Wind-eze for the trapped wind is essential, and abdominal surgery causes pockets of trapped wind and it's very painful

Also movicol of fyba-gel sachets not lactulose as that will cause cramping. Absolutely needed as abdominal surgery caused a sluggish bowel plus the pain relief causes constipation.

I was ridiculously thirsty after my section and a friend had told me the same so I'd taken a big water bottle. I drank litres of water afterwards. So would recommend a sports bottle of water, so she can just pop it next to her.

In terms of recovery, I had an emergency section under general but was up and walking a bit 12 hours later, she needs to move around to avoid DVT but not over do it. A few times I did too much and set myself backward pain wise for a few days.

You may find you need to pull her up from lay down, as your core feels completely gone!

My husband did all the nappy changes etc for the first two weeks so I didn't have to bend over, he would pass baby to me from his basket and so on as you shouldn't be lifting afterwards. I wandered slowly around the house, but didn't carry baby up or down the stairs for the first week as I felt I needed to hold my wound when walking.

Also tell her to keep her wound super dry, I used the hairdryer on mine after a bath to ensure it was properly dry and it healed really well and quickly. Often infections start from wounds not properly drying.

It sounds like you want to do everything you can to help, which is lovely.

Good luck to you both

Thank you everyone for all of this, we are off to bed now (well, after the 10PM ranitidine!). All of this advice is really helpful, far more replies than I expected. All the best to all. Richard

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I don't think moving around had much effect on my trapped wind. I was up within 3hrs, caring for the baby on my own and discharged after 12hrs. Trapped wind was awful. Friends have likewise found no rhyme or reason to it. Getting up and moving around asap is v important for recovery however. And standing up straight without shuffling.

Please don't use a hairdryer on the wound. Hairdryers are warm and dark inside, ideal breeding grounds for germs. My midwife was quite clear that they should not be pointed at a healing wound. Pat dry only.

Good luck and congratulations! She'll be fine. As others have said, big knickers! Standing for long periods is tricky so you might have to do sterilising etc. I was walking about by day two and driving after a week. Everyone's different of course but hopefully your wife will bounce back quickly.

Yes to big pants , anything rubbing on the scar is really uncomfortable.

Take any meds on offer and if they try and fob her off straight after with paracetamol ask for something stronger!

Tie a bedsheet to the end of the bed- she can then use it to pull herself up to a seated position.

Hope all goes well

The main things for me were help to get up/ sit up in the first few days - I didn't realuse how much even those of us who think we have no stomach muscles use out stomach muscles, until they were sliced!

The constipation and trapped wind in the first 36 hours is awful, embarrassing and humiliating because you need help to get out of bed or up out of a chair to get to the toilet. Buy some dried fruit for her to eat in hospital and be there to help her physically stand up and stagger to the toilet.

It took me about 4 days to be able to walk further than a few meters.

Carry the baby up and down stairs if you live in a house with stairs - she won't be able to do this for a week to ten days.

It would help if you do nappy changes or put all the nappy change stuff on a safe surface she can use without bending or climbing stairs. If she puts the baby on the floor to change a nappy she won't be able to get back to standing with the baby.

After a week I needed to get out and about. This is realistic but if she does too much she could burst her scar or trigger heavy bleeding and end up back in hospital.

For the first two weeks it's difficult to stand for long periods and she mustn't lift anything heavier than the baby, so take over housework, shopping and cooking completely for 2 weeks.

Obviously driving is an issue for 4-6 weeks. My GP refused to say when I could drive, claiming that would make him liable if I had an accident. She has to use her own judgement about when she feels safe to drive, but it's a grey area because I felt I could drive from 2 weeks pist section, but guidance in the UK is a woolly 4-6 weeks. Stomach muscles are involved in emergency braking...

My mum helpfully labelled all medicines simply a,b,c etc and drew up a timetable eg

6am -2xA and 1x c

8am - 2xD and 2xA

Helped so much!

Good luck to you both today, I hope all goes smoothly

Peppermint tea! Trapped wind was awful, felt like it was in my shoulders! Also lots of pillows on the sofa to prop her up.
I Had to sleep propped up on the sofa on my first night home (2nd day after c section)
Make sure you have plenty of ibuprofen and paracetamol to hand!