Do you find flashes of your births coming back to you months later? Normal?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I am just trying to find out if this is normal as I suffered SA in earlier life and find anything gynae related massively stressful.

I had an okay birth in the sense of no intervention to speak of, quick and me and LO okay.

But, I had to argue quite hard to avoid certain things they wanted to do to me, and months later (LO 7mos now) I find myself having awful panicky thoughts remembering those conversations, thinking oh God what if I'd caved and let them, what would have happened....

Probably really silly but can't snap out of it. Anyone similar?

I think it's quite normal to look back on it and question/wonder about outcomes, especially if there were less than perfect moments during the labour or delivery. Have you spoken to Birth Afterthoughts and had a debrief?

I don't know if it's normal exactly. I still have flashbacks to ds's arrival 3 and a half years later but they did something during that which re-triggered a previous trauma. Might be worth having a chat with your health visitor about it.

It took dc1's birth and my massive breakdown afterwards to finally address my past/being assaulted and I'm now having psychotherapy.

Thanks both.

Sunshine yes, I did have a debrief but they didn't have my notes. They said there would be various actions like me getting a letter outlining some things that happened in the birth and prenatal care but the letter has never arrived and it's now 3 mos on, so I guess won't.

I keep looking at this board which is stupid but I cannot get out of my head this one consultant who kept talking over me telling me that she was sorry if I felt overwhelmed, but she needed to let me know that x was going to happen. And a mw I hid from in the loo as she kept telling me I would have to give birth on my back, and being all surprised when I kept saying I wanted to be upright.

It is fine really but I just keep imagining if I had had to have the birth the way they wanted and it makes me all sick and panicky.