Negative reactions to having a caesarean?

[NCPuffin]

I'm having a planned (I hate the word elective - I didn't choose this option!) Caesarean for DC1 on Tuesday, as the baby is very comfortable in its breech position and refused to budge during an attempted ECV. I am really disappointed that this has happened, although I know I have made the right choice. I am worried I'll be judged for having a planned caesarean by others. I am quite aware that this worry is probably coming from within me more than anything else, although it doesn't help that the doctor I saw yesterday seemed to question the timings of my ECV and surgery, although they were arranged with a consultant I have to be really careful not to question my own decisions and that didn't help. Just wondering if I am being my own harshest critic or if people have experienced criticism for having caesareans. If so, how did you respond/ deal with it?

[Bumpitybumper]

@stoneriverpuddle
C sections have consistently been proven to be no less safe than vaginal birth. They have a different risk profile to natural births but not definitively worse. Also the long term difference in financial cost to the NHS is negligible. In this context I would be interested in hearing the reasons why you would judge women without a medical need opting for a c section...

[SoyDora]

but when I hear of people being to posh to push or their is no medical reason a person couldn't have a normal delivery then yes I would judge

But why? Why do you care?

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

I hear of people being to posh to push or their is no medical reason a person couldn't have a normal delivery then yes I would judge.

But surely fear of vaginal birth to the point of desiring surgery instead is a medical reason, just for mental health reasons not physical.

I actually asked about an elective for my first due to previous sexual trauma. I was told no by the midwife and didn't push it. Would you judge that as it wasn't on medical grounds?

[Unicornandbows]

Op I know how you feel I am terrified of giving birth and currently in my first trimester and when I mention an elective c section, I get told to just grow a pair and this is all part of womenhood.

I never thought I'd ever be in a position to even have a child so to me it's dreading up a lot of anxiety. I don't feel less of a woman or any less of a person so I suggest you just ignore them xx

[NCPuffin]

Define medical reason. Tokophobia and sexual trauma or previous trauma should definitely be included imo. I think there are very few women who are genuinely too posh to push - but there does seem to be an assumption that it's a common reason to have a caesarean. Tokophobia, sexual trauma etc do not fall under too posh to push!

[stoneriverpuddle]

Dinosaur giving birth is completely different to sexual assault, seriously?

Why would anyone want a c section where the recovery time is much longer than a vaginal birth unless there was medical grounds for it or they had previously had a c section?

Having a c section to me seems more scary than a normal birth. This is just my opinion, even if it is different to everyone else. I wouldn't openly bash someone but if they asked my opinion I would be honest.

[stoneriverpuddle]

If someone has tokophobia then why get pregnant if you would spend 9-10 months with bad mental health? Most people say they are scared to give birth but women have given birth for centuries and now these days there is a phobia or term for anything and everything!

[Parttimewasteoftime]

I had two planned sections as previous posters said very calm lovely births. It's helps to know when it's going to happen esp 2nd time around! On 2nd section only stayed overnight good recovery and drugs on board to be pain-free when you meet your baby. I could go on but honestly you be in the best place.
Having said that I have been called to posh to push (not posh at all).
Aw sweet they come out the sunroof!?
Also what about Swimwear!?
Just smile you Op they twits X

[SoyDora]

Of course giving birth is different to sexual assault. But can’t you see why someone who has suffered sexual assault may struggle with the idea of internal examinations, or having multiple people in the room while feeling exposed and vulnerable, for example?

[Bumpitybumper]

@stoneriverpuddle
You didn't just say that you thought that c sections were more scary so therefore wouldn't choose one for yourself though. If you had said that nobody would have challenged you as you would have been simply expressing your own preference. You clearly stated you would judge other women for choosing a c section where there were no medical indicators, that's the offensive and narrow minded element that was bound to get people's backs up.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

Dinosaur giving birth is completely different to sexual assault, seriously?

I disagree, I found my labour, those feelings of being out of control, the pain, the fact that my bruising from trying to push dc1 out matched exactly where he held me down to be far too similar. Not to mention the vaginal examinations and being told that my "interpretation" of what was happening was totally wrong...brought back a lot of negative memories. Then there was the bruising from the failed forceps, I've only felt that swollen and sore once before. As it happened I ended up with an emcs anyway so really wish I'd pushed harder for an elective.

As for recovery time, it varies from person to person and circumstance to circumstance. I have a SiL who still isn't recovered from an "easy quick" vaginal birth 11 years later. With my 2nd emergency section I was dancing around at Messy Church 2 days later and didn't touch pain killers once the spinal wore off.

[NCPuffin]

@stoneriverpuddle, you are trotting out quite a few clichés there... I imagine women with tokophobia get pregnant because they want a child, not because they want to be pregnant (can't say I've enjoyed pregnancy much and that's without tokophobia). I think other posters have already explained why sexual trauma might make a vaginal delivery problematic for some women. And as for there being a label for everything nowadays: I'd say a lot of conditions are now recognised and there is help available for them, whereas previously women would have suffered in silence. Read today's guest post and then come back and say that woman was too posh to push. Really, us women are our own worst enemies at times! I find it staggering you cannot see the difference between someone requesting a caesarean on mental health grounds (which is a medical reason, whether you like it or not!) and someone who is too posh to push (does anyone actually know of people who have opted for a caesarean for this reason? And anyway, my pelvic floor is fucked from pregnancy already, I doubt having a caesarean will make it better!)

[DameSylvieKrin]

@sashkin did you have vasa previa, or something similar? I have it, plus some other things.
I think you’re right that people find it hard to accept that in this day and age there are still conditions in which labour is almost guaranteed to kill the baby, and that it is not necessarily problem free to have a premature baby even when it is planned.
The worst comments I’ve had are from mothers who laboured and then had emergency sections. They say how lucky I am to not go overdue and to skip several weeks of pregnancy.

[Babdoc]

About a quarter of all babies in the U.K. are born by Caesarian. It’s far safer for breech babies - it always was, but in the old days at least obstetricians had a bit more experience of delivering vaginal breeches, so mostly got away with it. When they didn’t, the result was a brain damaged or dead baby, so it was pretty high stakes gambling.
Please don’t feel negative about your C/S, OP. You’re doing the best and safest thing for your baby, so you should feel that you’re a good mother, not a failed natural birther!
And I agree with the PPs who say people are ignorant of the risks of birth. The reason we have a low maternal and baby mortality rate in the U.K. is precisely because of all the surgical intervention we use to rescue the situation when it all goes horribly wrong. Take a look at 3rd world maternal mortality to see what “natural” childbirth is really like.
830 women around the world die every DAY, from the complications of childbirth and pregnancy. That’s equivalent to two full jumbo jets crashing daily, all year. Give a wee prayer of thanks for the NHS staff who’ll perform your Caesarian!
Good luck, OP. Enjoy meeting your new baby, and don’t give a fig what judgy idiots say about the method of birth.

[sparkling123]

Hi @NCPuffin, saw your comment from another thread this evening so thought I'd say hello, I'm in the same position but not had ECV yet, got another week. I'm just getting my head around having an elective c-section too.
It's a little overwhelming isn't it! I was hoping for a 'natural' birth as well and had spent all of pregnancy reading up on active birthing techniques, went on a course, etc as it's my first and I was hoping to avoid the fairly bad experiences most of women in my family have had in labour.
Just trying now to put it all in perspective and be thankful I have the option of a safe birth for my baby, I found last few days hard since reality of having c section has become real. Like you said, lot of hormones / personal expectations / anxiety happening right now! I've never had major surgery before, never broken a bone and rarely had antibiotics, and hate hospitals so it's the physical recovery side of c section that scares me. Hugs and support from me though!

[sparkling123]

Just to add, I've had different consultants/ midwives questioning why I'd come in for ctgs / scans / etc. I wouldn't take staff questioning you as a judgment on their part.
For me it's because there was a difference of opinion between staff and they were just questioning other's decisions as they don't have time to read all the notes.

[Want2bSupermum]

I've had 3 CSs. It's a bit like the start of 6th form when everyone asks what you got in your GCSEs. The reality is the grades you get in your GCSEs don't matter. You just need to get past them in one piece. After a couple of weeks in 6th form everyone has forgotten about GCSEs. You spend your time quietly thinking back to pre GCSEs and how carefree they were. The people who harp on about GCSEs are the ones you should avoid.

[MarthasGinYard]

Never experienced Any negativity

The odd light hearted 'too posh to push'

Mine was a choice no medical reasons whatsoever.

To me the natural way and it was bloody amazing

All this 'proper' this and that, let it go.

Enjoy your birth


Good luck

[sparkling123]

Also.... (still wide awake due to back ache) .... I hadn't thought the elective part of elective c section implied I'd elected for it, I just took it as I'd been 'elected' by professionals.
Maybe try to see it this way instead. The professionals are electing you and your baby by personal recommendation, they don't do it for just anyone, our babies are special!

[Iwantaunicorn]

I had a section due to DT2 being breech. I’ve had one person judge out of the hundreds of people who’ve asked how they were born.

For us, I couldn’t give a shiny shit if every single person who knew I’d had a section judged me, because I absolutely believe it was the best decision for us - I had severe pre eclampsia, she was breech and was born not breathing. They got her out 4 minutes after her brother, and although I don’t know what would’ve happened if I’d had a vaginal birth, I still shudder when I think of it because it could’ve been a very different story.

Good luck for Tuesday 💐

[Courtney555]

I chose to have a c section.

Firstly, well done to those who don't have c sections. Secondly, well done to those who do. Because it's the damn same, we all grew a child and whether it pops out your bits or out your stomach, you had the choice, you had no choice, it was a great experience, it was an awful experience, you have made this tiny person and that's the important part.

For me, I knew if I was going to have stitches, I wanted them on my bikini line being absolutely pain free as opposed to the alternative. My scar is invisible, you'd never even know it was there. My best mate gags at the thought of someone "rummaging through her stomach"... It's all personal preference.

DS thinks it's bloody amazing that he was born (in his wonderfully warped little mind) in the same manner as the iconic scene from Alien

If I may, this was my birth:

Arrived at hospital 7am. Was given room. Chilled with DP for a couple of hours, took pre mess and put on gown and stockings.

11am. Waddled down to theatre, got numbed up, wheeled in, chatting to anaesthetist and surgery team, a real upbeat bunch who could not have made me feel more relaxed.

11.16am. DS emerges. The only pain I've experienced at this point is the scratch on the back of my hand where they put the drip thingy in.

11.31am, I'm back in my room, all sewn up. Wide awake, happy as Larry, relaxed and pain free. DS wide awake, happy as Larry, relaxed and pain free.

If anyone ever tries to criticise that birth, I just feel a bit sorry for them. How sanctimonious to try and belittle or undermine an experience that was perfect for me and DS, and very importantly, feck all to do with them.

I would have another c section tomorrow. Others wouldn't. Others don't matter. You couldn't pay me to have a natural birth. That doesn't matter either, or give me the right to try and make someone who loved their natural birth feel crap about it just because it's not my preference. More accurately, it's not my business.

Don't take any shit from anyone OP. And have a wonderful birth xx

[fieryginger]

Just say "it's the safest option for my baby and my baby's safety is my number one priority, over the mystical notion that we need a 'natural' birth, when in fact we don't need that at all. We 100% need our baby to be safe".

Or don't say anything, because it is absolutely nobody's business but your own.

You have made the right decision. Congratulations, an exciting time ahead for you - don't let a section diminish your experience of welcoming your first born, because it's pretty darned special.

[Alltootrue2u]

I had an emergency section in a private mayernity hospital earlier than was planned. I had already been booked in for one 37+1. I had PE and my DD had IUGR however I was thrilled to be having a section.

All you have to do is read the countless posts on here and on other forums about pain, poor healing and mangled bits, or even bits that have recovered but are still gaping and I know that a section was by far the best choice!

I couldnt give a monkeys what people think of how my daughter was born. I have had no ill effects and my vagina is still very much intact and looks and feels exactly the same as it did before my daughter was conceived.

[Sashkin]

@DameSylvieKrin yep, vasa praevia. They also thought I might have an accreta but it turned out I didn’t.

[Daisy2990]

The people who judge you for this will also judge you for

• the clothes you dress your child in
• how you feed your child
• which school you want to send your child to
• putting your child in any form of childcare

They also tend to be the same people who think any woman can easily pop out a baby on the way to Asda. Ignore them.