Negative reactions to having a caesarean?

[NCPuffin]

I'm having a planned (I hate the word elective - I didn't choose this option!) Caesarean for DC1 on Tuesday, as the baby is very comfortable in its breech position and refused to budge during an attempted ECV. I am really disappointed that this has happened, although I know I have made the right choice. I am worried I'll be judged for having a planned caesarean by others. I am quite aware that this worry is probably coming from within me more than anything else, although it doesn't help that the doctor I saw yesterday seemed to question the timings of my ECV and surgery, although they were arranged with a consultant I have to be really careful not to question my own decisions and that didn't help. Just wondering if I am being my own harshest critic or if people have experienced criticism for having caesareans. If so, how did you respond/ deal with it?

[NCPuffin]

@Orsy2017 That sounds absolutely horrendous and I think you are doing the right thing by complaining. I just wanted to clarify that I meant refusing an induction and waiting for natural labour against medical advice would've been a very bad idea - I misunderstood you and hadn't realised that the choice for you was between induction and a planned caesarean. I agree a planned caesarean would've been a better option for you. I am sorry to hear that your mental health problems weren't taken seriously, that is very poor care. Please believe that your baby both likes and loves you. Please be kind to yourself!

[MarzipanFigures]

Never felt judged. The only person who has ever asked was DS’s head of pre-prep who had no people skills and would regularly interrogate me about DS because he is advanced at school lol! As if that has a bearing lol!

She also asked me how long I bf him, whether he watched tv,how long he slept, whether he ate fish...

(Yes, changed schools, she was weird!)

[Orsy2017]

I am glad you are on the mend. I think what I was trying to say is that there is a great difference between elective and emergency sections and, if I'd had a half decent consultant in the first place, I know I should have been given an elective section.
I have a very, very real phobia of hospitals. I informed the midwife as early as my booking in appointment. She did nothing to help me. A different midwife enrolled me on an antenatal course, thinking that would help. It didn't. I already knew the ins and outs of pregnancy and labour. I'm a biology teacher!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, if I'd been the consultant and someone as terrified and upset as I was had been my patient, then I would certainly have suggested an elective section. Instead, I was told my baby was potentially going to die if I didn't get induced. How stupid was I to listen to them? So, in reply to your statement that it was the best option for me, then I'm sorry to say, it most certainly wasn't.
I honestly believe they did this as a cost cutting exercise because c sections are so expensive for the nhs. Well, now that I've had 2 rounds of counselling ( both failed), ongoing physiotherapy, umpteen rounds of medication and finally cortisone injections to eliminate the scar, I doubt very much that they have saved any money now. It must be costing thousands. It annoys me how they don't have the patient's best interests at heart. Certainly in my case they didn't.
I do have a serious case open against the hospital at the moment (surprisingly, it was at the hospital's request that I did this). There were many, many errors throughout my pregnancy, one of them being they weighed me at the start of my pregnancy at 4 stones more than I weighed after the baby was born. I was sent for extra testing as I was classed as obese ( I'm 8.5 stone!) and classed as a high risk handling hazard! I I was also administered drugs without my consent ( given suppositories) which, apparently I agreed to ( I most certainly did not). I requested my notes and could not believe what was written. Potentially, they overdosed me, which quite frankly could have killed me. So, no I don't trust doctors at all now. I wouldn't trust them to administer an aspirin, let alone major surgery. I'm convinced mine is botched. I have terrible pain and the scar is disgusting. I literally look like I've been sawn in half. I'm sure after ten months, it should've gone by now. I know not everyone has problems, but mine sucked. If I could turn the clock back then I would. It will always haunt me. Sometimes I even think I shouldn't have had the baby, and if someone had told me what would happen to me, then honestly I don't think I would. That sounds terrible, my baby is so precious but I can't help feel this was not meant to be. My life wasn't worth sacrificing because if I can't like myself then how do I ever expect the baby to like me? My partner has been brilliant but it has very nearly destroyed our family. I am praying I will get some resolution at the hearing, but not counting on it.

[NCPuffin]

@Orsy2017 I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience! It does sound like you've had a lot of bad luck (allergies for effective)! I hated the postnatal stay in hospital too and felt harangued by the midwives about adequate feeding. Turns out I had misunderstood something really basic yet fundamental. The midwives didn't realise I'd misunderstood so didn't explain, which meant I felt they had no confidence in me and were nagging me. What I'm trying to say is that you might benefit from a birth debrief (it's called the birth experience listening service at my hospital) where the reasons behind things happening the way they did can be explained. I don't want to play down the validity of your feelings, but I'm not sure you were lied to about your baby's size and growth - growth scans are very unreliable. Regarding the doctors saying you'd have a stillbirth on your conscience: they're not always the most diplomatic of people and they have a duty to inform you of the risks of each option available to you. I can completely understand that you felt pressured into making a choice which then led to you having a very negative experience. However, if you had ignored the consultant's advice and had had a stillbirth that would have been far more traumatic! The fact that you had a traumatic delivery also doesn't mean it wasn't the safest option available to you, horrible as it clearly was.

You're right about the scarring, but that can't be helped. I already have an abdominal scar the size of a section scar in a much more obvious place, so I'm less bothered by the section one. The vast majority of women do make a full recovery - my baby was born on Tuesday and I'm feeling fitter than I was when heavily pregnant. Are you receiving care for the physical problems you are experiencing as a result of your caesarean. I will not look like a freak (and you don't either), I will have a scar from giving birth to my child. I do take issue with your statement that you're literally cut in half - I have a six inch incision that will be partly hidden by my pubic hair. Of course it might be different in your case! There is also no guarantee that a vaginal delivery will not result in long-term pain and scarring!

Please be very careful advising women to avoid a section at all costs based on your experience. It's extremely irresponsible! I don't even want to think about what might have happened if I had tried to deliver my footling breech baby vaginally. He has an extremely large head (as well as being on the 95th centile for weight) and if I'd attempted to deliver him vaginally, there is a fair chance his head would have been stuck in my pelvis after his body had already been born. At best it would've been a crash section with hopefully minimal damage to my baby (but very traumatic to me), at worst a dead or severely brain damaged baby due to cord prolapse or oxygen deprivation during labour.

I understand you are traumatised and that is totally understandable given your experience. I hope you are able to access the care and support you need to feel better. Please be kind to yourself!

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

For me, no one even spoke to me in the theatre

I do think good section experiences do come down to staff. My 2nd was amazing but whilst dd being healthy unlike ds played a big part in that, the staff really made it brilliant.

Orsy2017 No idea if you've found the Birth Trauma association's facebook page but I found it really helpful after my first emergency section where mentally I felt very similar to what you've described. I still struggle to say I gave birth to him, even though I've subsequently had a second child also by emergency section (hers was a 1000x times better).

[Haireverywhere]

Congratulations!

Good luck to @DameSylvieKrin and sorry for the hurtful comments you've had IRL!

[Orsy2017]

Just notice you have had the baby. I hope the road to recovery goes well for you.

[Orsy2017]

Just read this and wanted to say that if you can possibly avoid a section then I definitely would. I had one last year and it was by far the worst thing that ever happened to me. Ten months later I'm still suffering pain and don't forget the scar. I look like a freak, my body looks like two separate parts badly joined together.
I was lied to in the hospital about having a section. I was told my baby was not growing and there was a problem with the placenta. I was told if I didn't agree to induction then I would have the possibility of a stillbirth on my conscious. Yes, really that is what the consultant told me. Turns out baby was almost 1 lb bigger than they predicted just 4 days beforehand and the placenta was fine. I was 1week overdue.
I was allergic to the induction drugs, which made baby's heartrate plummet and gave me hyperstimulation resulting in a crash team running in my room. It did calm down but then they said he was taking too long and took me to theatre for a forceps delivery despite me saying I didn't want it. Turns out baby was too high up so I was spared that, but ended up with the section.
It was the most terrifying thing I can imagine. Maybe planned would be better, but I think people forget that you are literally cut in half. You will never fully recover and will be scarred for life, possibly mentally and physically.
I would give anything to turn the clock back and have a normal birth. I honestly think at least I wouldn't still be in pain and I wouldn't have to look at a great big ugly scar everyday. Also, if you want any privacy then sections aren't the way forward. There are so many people in there. It's not good if you're the nervous type. Maybe my experience was unusual. For me, no one even spoke to me in the theatre. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was so, so scared. Had no help afterwards either, I ended up with a retained bladder and a six day stay in that godforsaken hospital. The midwives didn't check on me and I got severe edema which made it impossible to walk. Please, please ask as many questions as possible and tell them what YOU want. I wish I could have. It will make such a difference to your birth. I didn't bond with my baby and still have problems now. I have no photographs of him until the next day as the staff failed to tell us to bring a phone. When my partner did eventually go for it, we had been kicked out of our room and all our belongings had gone. It was horrible. I hope you have a much nicer experience than I did. I wanted another child, but can't as I'm so traumatised by it. I'm also worried about the damage they've caused inside due to all the pain I'm having. I've had therapy but nothing seems to work. There's definitely a stigma attached to c sections and I must say I'm embarrassed by mine. I hat people knowing what happened even though I know it wasn't my fault. Thanks.

[Pixilicious]

I had a planned section due to pre-eclampsia. The only person who judged me was myself and then I realised that without that amazing medical intervention neither me nor my DD would be here. If anyone judges you for making sure your child is born safely they are a fucking arsehole.

[nervousseacreature]

Awww congrats Puffin 💐

[MarthasGinYard]

Congratulations

Lovely news

[NCPuffin]

Quick update: Lucas was born at 12.14pm on Tuesday 18th September weighing a whopping 8lb14oz! The Caesarean was fine, I was scared before the spinal went in but the actual procedure was absolutely fine! I'm recovering well. It's a good job he was born by caesarean, his head is massive so a vaginal delivery would have been very problematic I think! We're in love!

[Daisy2990]

The people who judge you for this will also judge you for

• the clothes you dress your child in
• how you feed your child
• which school you want to send your child to
• putting your child in any form of childcare

They also tend to be the same people who think any woman can easily pop out a baby on the way to Asda. Ignore them.

[Sashkin]

@DameSylvieKrin yep, vasa praevia. They also thought I might have an accreta but it turned out I didn’t.

[Alltootrue2u]

I had an emergency section in a private mayernity hospital earlier than was planned. I had already been booked in for one 37+1. I had PE and my DD had IUGR however I was thrilled to be having a section.

All you have to do is read the countless posts on here and on other forums about pain, poor healing and mangled bits, or even bits that have recovered but are still gaping and I know that a section was by far the best choice!

I couldnt give a monkeys what people think of how my daughter was born. I have had no ill effects and my vagina is still very much intact and looks and feels exactly the same as it did before my daughter was conceived.

[fieryginger]

Just say "it's the safest option for my baby and my baby's safety is my number one priority, over the mystical notion that we need a 'natural' birth, when in fact we don't need that at all. We 100% need our baby to be safe".

Or don't say anything, because it is absolutely nobody's business but your own.

You have made the right decision. Congratulations, an exciting time ahead for you - don't let a section diminish your experience of welcoming your first born, because it's pretty darned special.

[Courtney555]

I chose to have a c section.

Firstly, well done to those who don't have c sections. Secondly, well done to those who do. Because it's the damn same, we all grew a child and whether it pops out your bits or out your stomach, you had the choice, you had no choice, it was a great experience, it was an awful experience, you have made this tiny person and that's the important part.

For me, I knew if I was going to have stitches, I wanted them on my bikini line being absolutely pain free as opposed to the alternative. My scar is invisible, you'd never even know it was there. My best mate gags at the thought of someone "rummaging through her stomach"... It's all personal preference.

DS thinks it's bloody amazing that he was born (in his wonderfully warped little mind) in the same manner as the iconic scene from Alien

If I may, this was my birth:

Arrived at hospital 7am. Was given room. Chilled with DP for a couple of hours, took pre mess and put on gown and stockings.

11am. Waddled down to theatre, got numbed up, wheeled in, chatting to anaesthetist and surgery team, a real upbeat bunch who could not have made me feel more relaxed.

11.16am. DS emerges. The only pain I've experienced at this point is the scratch on the back of my hand where they put the drip thingy in.

11.31am, I'm back in my room, all sewn up. Wide awake, happy as Larry, relaxed and pain free. DS wide awake, happy as Larry, relaxed and pain free.

If anyone ever tries to criticise that birth, I just feel a bit sorry for them. How sanctimonious to try and belittle or undermine an experience that was perfect for me and DS, and very importantly, feck all to do with them.

I would have another c section tomorrow. Others wouldn't. Others don't matter. You couldn't pay me to have a natural birth. That doesn't matter either, or give me the right to try and make someone who loved their natural birth feel crap about it just because it's not my preference. More accurately, it's not my business.

Don't take any shit from anyone OP. And have a wonderful birth xx

[Iwantaunicorn]

I had a section due to DT2 being breech. I’ve had one person judge out of the hundreds of people who’ve asked how they were born.

For us, I couldn’t give a shiny shit if every single person who knew I’d had a section judged me, because I absolutely believe it was the best decision for us - I had severe pre eclampsia, she was breech and was born not breathing. They got her out 4 minutes after her brother, and although I don’t know what would’ve happened if I’d had a vaginal birth, I still shudder when I think of it because it could’ve been a very different story.

Good luck for Tuesday 💐

[sparkling123]

Also.... (still wide awake due to back ache) .... I hadn't thought the elective part of elective c section implied I'd elected for it, I just took it as I'd been 'elected' by professionals.
Maybe try to see it this way instead. The professionals are electing you and your baby by personal recommendation, they don't do it for just anyone, our babies are special!

[MarthasGinYard]

Never experienced Any negativity

The odd light hearted 'too posh to push'

Mine was a choice no medical reasons whatsoever.

To me the natural way and it was bloody amazing

All this 'proper' this and that, let it go.

Enjoy your birth


Good luck

[Want2bSupermum]

I've had 3 CSs. It's a bit like the start of 6th form when everyone asks what you got in your GCSEs. The reality is the grades you get in your GCSEs don't matter. You just need to get past them in one piece. After a couple of weeks in 6th form everyone has forgotten about GCSEs. You spend your time quietly thinking back to pre GCSEs and how carefree they were. The people who harp on about GCSEs are the ones you should avoid.

[sparkling123]

Just to add, I've had different consultants/ midwives questioning why I'd come in for ctgs / scans / etc. I wouldn't take staff questioning you as a judgment on their part.
For me it's because there was a difference of opinion between staff and they were just questioning other's decisions as they don't have time to read all the notes.

[sparkling123]

Hi @NCPuffin, saw your comment from another thread this evening so thought I'd say hello, I'm in the same position but not had ECV yet, got another week. I'm just getting my head around having an elective c-section too.
It's a little overwhelming isn't it! I was hoping for a 'natural' birth as well and had spent all of pregnancy reading up on active birthing techniques, went on a course, etc as it's my first and I was hoping to avoid the fairly bad experiences most of women in my family have had in labour.
Just trying now to put it all in perspective and be thankful I have the option of a safe birth for my baby, I found last few days hard since reality of having c section has become real. Like you said, lot of hormones / personal expectations / anxiety happening right now! I've never had major surgery before, never broken a bone and rarely had antibiotics, and hate hospitals so it's the physical recovery side of c section that scares me. Hugs and support from me though!

[Babdoc]

About a quarter of all babies in the U.K. are born by Caesarian. It’s far safer for breech babies - it always was, but in the old days at least obstetricians had a bit more experience of delivering vaginal breeches, so mostly got away with it. When they didn’t, the result was a brain damaged or dead baby, so it was pretty high stakes gambling.
Please don’t feel negative about your C/S, OP. You’re doing the best and safest thing for your baby, so you should feel that you’re a good mother, not a failed natural birther!
And I agree with the PPs who say people are ignorant of the risks of birth. The reason we have a low maternal and baby mortality rate in the U.K. is precisely because of all the surgical intervention we use to rescue the situation when it all goes horribly wrong. Take a look at 3rd world maternal mortality to see what “natural” childbirth is really like.
830 women around the world die every DAY, from the complications of childbirth and pregnancy. That’s equivalent to two full jumbo jets crashing daily, all year. Give a wee prayer of thanks for the NHS staff who’ll perform your Caesarian!
Good luck, OP. Enjoy meeting your new baby, and don’t give a fig what judgy idiots say about the method of birth.

[DameSylvieKrin]

@sashkin did you have vasa previa, or something similar? I have it, plus some other things.
I think you’re right that people find it hard to accept that in this day and age there are still conditions in which labour is almost guaranteed to kill the baby, and that it is not necessarily problem free to have a premature baby even when it is planned.
The worst comments I’ve had are from mothers who laboured and then had emergency sections. They say how lucky I am to not go overdue and to skip several weeks of pregnancy.