Negative reactions to having a caesarean?

[NCPuffin]

I'm having a planned (I hate the word elective - I didn't choose this option!) Caesarean for DC1 on Tuesday, as the baby is very comfortable in its breech position and refused to budge during an attempted ECV. I am really disappointed that this has happened, although I know I have made the right choice. I am worried I'll be judged for having a planned caesarean by others. I am quite aware that this worry is probably coming from within me more than anything else, although it doesn't help that the doctor I saw yesterday seemed to question the timings of my ECV and surgery, although they were arranged with a consultant I have to be really careful not to question my own decisions and that didn't help. Just wondering if I am being my own harshest critic or if people have experienced criticism for having caesareans. If so, how did you respond/ deal with it?

[LeeMiller]

I would judge right back anyone who judged or criticised a woman for following medical advice and taking the safest option for her and her child.

[Fatted]

Having been through the process I do think a lot of people don't really understand why women have c-sections. Or just how serious it is. They just read in the daily mail that posh spice had one cos she didn't want to risk her precious vagina and assume every woman is the same!

My own personal situation with my eldest was a case of 'we have to get your baby out now or he may not survive'. I understand that this isn't a situation most people find themselves in so I get there is a lack of understanding.

[FilledSoda]

This is a problem that doesn't exist , you've made it up in your own head.
Why would you know or care or give one jot of headspace about what hypothetical people might think?
People don't care , they live in their own heads.
This is such a waste of your energy, honestly , you've real life things actually happening to deal with.

[SpottingTheZebras]

I think you are massively projecting your own feelings.

Trust me when I say it is far better to get a healthy and living baby at the end of you pregnancy than worry about how it happened.

[Since2016]

Safe baby = whatever it takes to get them out. Of course people make twatty comments - eg after my daughter was born (4 days of labour, 2 failed inductions, emergency c section and she was then in NICU for a week) - “well at least your downstairs is in tact” and re being separated from my daughter for a week “well at least you got some sleep! I didn’t!” (Yes lots of sleep - borderline hysterical most nights) - people are idiots!

I’m having a planned section this time. I couldn’t give a flying fuck what people think. There’s absolutely no way I’m even attempting a vaginal birth.

[Fieau]

I would never judge anyway for having a c section for whatever reason, having had an emergency one with my son I know how intense it is!!

A few bits of advice which surprised me about my c section in case they are helpful - you won't be able to get out of bed for up to 24 hours afterwards (this might be different if not an emergency one)

You will still bleed a lot afterwards (maybe stupid but I hadnt realised)

You will need to take it very easy for a few weeks.... I couldn't even push the pram for the first month without pain so make sure you have plenty of help and support.

If you are planning on breastfeeding let them know before hand so that they still give you the opportunity of doing skin to skin and an early feed.

[NCPuffin]

YY to people having no clue (myself included). I know I'm projecting my own issues, just having an off day. It's actually the first time I'm feeling a bit upset about it, I'll be fine tomorrow. It's also really helpful to know it's me, not a real issue

[Gettingbackonmyfeet]

I actually really understand your feelings here , with ds1 I had a planned section at 37 weeks due to a multitude of extremely unpleasant medical factors and I battered myself for it

My liver was failing I had been on insulin since 22 weeks and frankly I was terrified for the safety of ds1 and obsessing about movements , I went to an antenatal class and the judgement for sections from the class leader was absolutely awful. Whole exercises about how awful it was to have so many medical professionals around and how unnatural.

It was made clear if I didn't have a section I was going to put my baby at risk so I didn't appreciate it from her....now I'm a bolshy bugger at the best of times but I thought how it would feel if you were feeling unconfidant

It steeped my resolve to tell judgeys where to go

Anyone who has had a section knows the recovery is hard (doable I promise bit hard) so if that's not proper birth they can frankly get tucked


Ds2 was an emergency very early section due to Hellp syndrome...terribly dramatic being dashed through the hospital

Once since ds2 I had a comment on it and I went through very clearly that if I could survive that trauma and the nicu for ds2 and go up every two hours to feed him an incubator it was an extremely unwise idea to suggest I hadn't really given birth or didn't understand

I don't stand for it and ultimately a mother will prioritise the safety of her children above all else in the world...and that's what often happens in a c section

I get finely don't judge any choices during birth it's all personal and there is no right way

But as a pp said I absolutely judge those who think it's ok to comment negatively on others births

Try not to heed any comments OP birth is birth...its no picnic anyway you look at it and no medals are given out if you do it in a certain way.

[firsttimebabybirther]

Just want to start by saying I haven't had a cesarean so can't talk from personal experience, I also HRTFT but it amazes me how many people ask me "'natural or not?" I really can't get my head round why people care.

I suspect because people feel a bit smug because they did "better". I had a "natural" drug free birth (big mistake) , it was horrendous , but I don't think I'm any better than anyone who had all the drugs available and / or a cesarean , you brought a human into the world , there's no easy way to do that. A Cesarean is a MAJOR abdominal surgery.

[firsttimebabybirther]

Can I just clarify "they feel a bit smug that they did "better" " they didn't do better I just imagine that they think they did.

[NCPuffin]

Thanks @gettingbackonmyfeet! It sounds like you had a really tough time with both your pregnancies (l was so pissed off when my work risk assessment said it was important to remember that pregnant women were not ill and that was before I wet myself whilst vomitting in the middle of a year 7 lesson) I would struggle not to lamp anyone suggesting you didn't do "it" properly, or just break down. You must have been so relieved to have good outcomes both times, it sounds extremely scary and stressful!

I was lucky that my NCT course leader wasn't remotely judgemental about caesareans. We did look at a cascade of interventions resulting in an emergency caesarean, but that was more to show us how we could do things ourselves to reduce the risk of that happening. We then did a caesarean role play and discussed gentle Caesareans (although the midwife I saw yesterday didn't really understand that I think)

@firsttimebabybirther thanks for your perspective too - helpful to have it confirmed that women who haven't had caesareans don't judge either!

I am aware it's major surgery - I had my gallbladder out ten years ago via an open incision and remember being shocked at how tired I was. I had GA for that surgery and there were complications, so hopefully the physical impact will be slightly less now. However, it won't help that I'm ten years older, 3 stone heavier and will have a newborn! At least I have a slight idea...

[ingenvillvetavardukoptdintroja]

Good luck OP. I have recently had an elective and it was amazing. Very quick and easy recovery - hope you have the same. Drink peppermint tea as soon as you can after to stop getting horrible trapped wind.
I've only had stupid comments from men so haven't paid much attention to them...

[firsttimebabybirther]

It probably won't be easy I won't lie but it gets better, I was in a bad way after having son 6 months ago and I didn't have major surgery. But please just don't give yourself a harder time over how your baby gets here , your bringing a baby into the world that's the most natural thing in the world ,regardless. Go easy on yourself! Oh and an early congratulations

[Sashkin]

Sylvie

I had a non-optional planned c-section (following two months in hospital for monitoring, DS had a 99% chance of dying if my waters broke). And STILL people, even knowing all those details, tutted about how I had “missed out” and “hadn’t really given birth” (missed out? I missed out on giving birth to a dead baby, and missed out on watching desperate attempts to resuscitate him).

Some people do not, cannot believe that neonatal and maternal deaths are possible. That is what drives their offensive natural labour bullshit. And they do not like those of us who have had high-risk pregnancies reminding them of the reality.

At least it will give you a heads up about who not to sit next to at baby sensory.

[firsttimebabybirther]

Ignore the shocking grammar in my posts

[sanssherif]

I had one of each and the C section was definitely the nicer experience.
Calm, dignified and peaceful.
The only thing bad was not feeling overwhelmed when the baby born, I just felt someone passed me a baby and wouldn't say I've given birth to her, she was given to me.
C section results in better care afterwards as well.
I would have a C section if I were to have another. Although I didn't get any 'wow', just 'oh a baby'

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

The only thing bad was not feeling overwhelmed when the baby born, I just felt someone passed me a baby and wouldn't say I've given birth to her, she was given to me.

I felt like that with my first emergency section. With my second (in part because I tried to leave my first in NICU because I didn't think he was real) they got me to watch and I felt totally different. I think seeing her come out bit by bit still connected me made a huge difference to my perception and I fell madly in love with her before her feet were out.

[SoyDora]

I didn’t feel overwhelmed or ‘wow’ after my first natural birth. I had been in labour for 48 hours with a very long pushing stage and absolutely no sleep. I was too exhausted to care much when she was handed to me! Didn’t even check the sex.

[NCPuffin]

@Sashkin, god, some people truly are twats! I'm glad you and your baby were fine, it must have been so scary!

I haven't had negative comments yet, but have had people tell me they were undiagnosed breech babies, usually more than 50 years ago. Midwives would've been much more experienced at breech deliveries then, plus I don't get to see the vaginally delivered breech babies that didn't emerge unscathed...

I'm really annoyed that I read a leaflet about breech babies from my home country (aforementioned puritans) that included pros and cons tables and seemed heavily skewed towards vaginal delivery. The quality of the information was crap compared to what the NHS and RCOG provide here, and all the benefits of a vaginal breech delivery were for the mum (e.g. you will still be able to have a home delivery in future - who gives a fuck?!) and all the risks for the baby - sod that!

Next step is to replace elective by planned and normal by vaginal

[NCPuffin]

Dinosaur the midwife I spoke to yesterday said they don't lower the curtain at our hospital and that it might not be a good idea anyway as I have bad anxiety my anxiety has naff all to do with blood and gore. Fortunately she was wrong, according to the leaflets they gave me! Good to know it helped you bond, I will definitely insist on it if at all possible!

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

NCPuffin I would definitely recommend and I'm squeamish, I can't watch them take blood without feeling faint. You can't see your insides or anything like that. I was given the impression that in our hospital curtain down unless you don't want, delayed cord clamping and skin to skin are standard. Dh was also encouraged to take photos (apparently they were determined I wasn't trying to leave this one behind) and based on the time stamps, she was on my chest for skin to skin within 5 minutes of being born, faster in fact than several of my friends who had vaginal births.

I don't get to see the vaginally delivered breech babies that didn't emerge unscathed...

My Great Uncle was an un-diagnosed breech birth. He came out blue, was thrown under the table (was the 1920s) and luckily that kick started his breathing. My Great Grandmother also lost a lot of blood and nearly died. She certainly couldn't have any more children after that, he was her 3rd and apparently she got a lot of bitchy comments about her "small" family.

[NCPuffin]

Dinosaur that is such a sad story - I didn't mean to sound flippant! I guess we should all consider ourselves extremely lucky that we live in a time and place where safe caesareans are available!

Thanks for sharing your experience of the moments immediately after birth! Not sure about the delayed cord clamping and immediate skin-to-skin, but I will ask for it! I want DC on my chest immediately, bloody and slimey and all! Hate the idea of someone else cleaning the baby before I get to hold it! If that's not possible, we're bringing a towel that we've had close to our skin for the baby to be wrapped in.

Thanks so much for your input everyone, I'm feeling much better about it all!

[Sashkin]

I couldn’t have delayed cord clamping (they needed to clamp quickly to stop DS bleeding). And as it happened DH held DS first while the team were stabilising me.

But that actually worked out really nicely. DH is very proud of telling everyone that DS first opened his eyes in DH’s arms, and so DH was the first person he saw (definitely helped DH deal with the toddler mummy-preference later!). We had skin to skin within a few minutes.

And our hospital never cleans the vernix off until the following day (skin benefits apparently) so I never felt I missed out by that slight delay. I actually had a really nice birth experience in retrospect, shame I was so anxious about DS that I couldn’t really enjoy it!

[Since2016]

I’m so looking forward to being able to hold this baby immediately. With my first - emergency c section - I didn’t get to hold or touch her until 7 hours after she was born. It still breaks my heart. I won’t put either my baby or myself at risk like that again. It’s positive to hear stories re. Gentle Caesarians as I think it’s better for both mum and baby

[stoneriverpuddle]

If a person had a c section before or needs to have one for medical reasons no one is right to judge but when I hear of people being to posh to push or their is no medical reason a person couldn't have a normal delivery then yes I would judge.