I’m in a huge state of panic about my upcoming delivery. I know he has to come out some how and that’s what is scaring me. I’m a FTM so all I know is what I’ve read or heard based on other people’s experiences. Stupidly, I read a few old threads on here which had lots about wanting to shoot thensekves in the midst of labour and feeling suicidal etc. Plus it being the worst experience of their lives.
It doesn’t help that a close friend of mine recently gave birth and nearly died in her words “they said they almost lost me” and she had to have three blood transfusions. She was in hospital for 5 days after this (she ended up with an EMCS). I’m even more terrified after hearing her story, I keep having mini panic attacks. I already suffer with bad anxiety, so it’s just made worse.
I wish I could turn the clocks back and never had got pregnant in the first place.
I’m feeling him kicking me now and although it’s a comfort, each time I feel him, I know he’s got to come out.
Apart from the friend I just spoke of, I haven’t really heard any other majorly negative birth stories. My mum had me without any pain relief, she tried G&A but it made her sick, I was back to back too. I truly don’t know how she managed it, but she did. I wasn’t a huge baby though...and mine is already on the top centile line.
My Nan, when she was alive, spoke of her births and how easy they were and she wasn’t one to mince her words, she said the first was a little ‘uncomfortable’ in her words! But my mum (the youngest of three) started coming out when my Nan was in the bath and she barely had time to reach the bed!
Another friend gave birth last year and used hypnobirthing techniques which really helped her. Her son was born fairly quickly for a first birth and she got to 8cm at home with just a tens machine and ‘pacing’ as she called it.
I’m just terrified I’m going to die during the labour, either through a heart attack or losing too much blood or shock/pain. I have nothing to compare my pain threshold to as I’ve never had an operation, broken a bone or anything like that.
The only thing I can say is that I had horrendous periods before I became pregnant and was going to be looked into for possible endometrisis. The pain was unbearable, especially up my bum (sorry) I could barely sit down at times. So that’s the only thing I have to possibly compare it to.
I have a horrendous fear of hospitals too, which doesn’t help the situation, meaning I’m in full on panic mode even when going in for a scan. I have asked about a Home birth, but because we live 40 mins drive from the hospital, I think they’re reluctant, also my BMI is 35 so I’m seen as ‘high risk’, yet another reason for my anxiety.
My partner has been doing perineal massage on me every night for two weeks and will continue until I go to have him, I’m also planning on taking raspberry leaf tea capsules from 35 weeks onwards. I know these things may not work, but it makes me feel somewhat in control.
I have been given the possible option (if the consultant agrees to it) of an elective c section because of my history of anxiety and panic attacks. The midwife put it in my notes and I’m seeing someone in a few weeks time to discuss it, but I’m now not even sure I want that, due to my fear of medicalised intervention and now hearing about my friend who needed blood after a c section...in some ways I’d feel in more control, but in others I guess I won’t be and it’ll be more medical. I even break into a cold sweat when I see the uniforms!
If anyone can give me any advice/reassurance/stories or anything, I’d be grateful.