Two-year-old at home-birth?

[Careyanne]

Naturally I'm planning an efficient night-time labour, emerging radiant with baby just as my nearly-two-year-old wakes for the day
But if he's up and about, I suspect he wouldn't be too phased. I had a straightforward home-birth with him. Plus I'd love not to have to think about babysitters. Surely two midwives and a husband can deal with his needs as well as mine?
Voice of experience please!

I wouldn't have wanted my toddler around when I gave birth at home to DD2. It was a longer and more complicated labour and birth then expected, despite having had a straightforward first birth. And it was all during the day. I had two midwives, dh and a student midwife present and I was glad to have their full attention, also dh had the birthing pool to see to.

dd1 would have put me off from giving birth, and I don't think she would have liked to have seen it either.

Even if I had had the baby at night, she would have been woken up by the noise.

My midwife has asked that DS not be present, which TBH suits me fine. I don't know how he would take it, especially when I 'zone out' iyswim? But then I have two good friends living close by, SIL round the corner and nice neighbours if it really came to that! The last thing I feel I would want in the throws of labour is 'mummy!? mummy want beebies on!'. Also I think as my tummy gets bigger I feel he is getting clingier, I wouldn't want him to associate that new baby meant he was totally ignored by me (I can only base this on what I was like in labour last time and I ignored everybody! )

Different children though and different people so you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. I would ask your midwife. Also something to consider is the equipment the midwifes will have. Will little fingers leave alone?

I had my 4 yr old (with SN's) there when I had DD2 and she loved it. I just bought her in for the very last stage and it was wonderful. She gushd 'hello mummy' to me in that excited way of her and sat on the end of the bid, face quivering with excitment doing her happy hands and it was truly wonderful having her there. she crawled over to me once DD2 was on me and I was lying downa nd she had an instant cuddle with us.

However DD2 will be 21 months when DC3 is born and I don't think I'll have her there. I don't think she'll cope and will want to be cuddled by me immediatley she is bought in and won't understand it all. My 4 yr old, even though she has SN's sort of understood that mummy had a baby in her tummy and he or she was coming out etc. DD2 won't have a clue what's going on.

I'd love her to be there, esp as I want DD1 there again and don't want DD2 left out but actually I don't think it will be fair on her.

Thanks for the info -- I'm still none the wiser as to the best choice! Perhaps we will have grandma on standby.

Dd1 was there when dd2 was born, she was 28 months at the time.

However, this wasn't planned - I unexpectedly gave birth at home, didn't really realise how far into labour I was, and was coping well, no screaming, howling etc. The midwife was happy for her to stay as long as I was calm, and she was sitting next to me on the bed when dd2 came out.

V happy memory for us all, although dd1 doesn't really remember it, it's just a story that she's heard a million times (she's 10 now by the way)

I went into labour shortly after putting ds (20m at the time) to bed and proceeded to give birth at 5.45am.

Almost as if I planned it!! so it was as ideal as possible - ds did wake in early hours but fortunately dpil's were able to come over in time for dh to be present for birth. ds copied the sound of dd's first cry which was lovely

Have relatives on standby so you and dp can concentrate on labour etc. but don't panic and good luck - I found home birth an amazing positive experience.

I had a home birth with dd2 and there was no way dh could have dealt with dd1 as well (and it was a night-time birth). it all went too quick, dd1 woke up and was left to scream in her cot. my mum was around and tried to comfort her but wasn;t really what dd1 wanted. dh, in the meantime was doing a valiant job of delivering dd2 with a mobile phone held to his ear by his shoulder, ambulances 1 and 2 arrived 5 minutes too late; midwife 1 arrived 10 minutes too late. midwife 2 about 30 minutes. it was complete chaos and I was in shock. it was very nice to have dd1 there to see her sister but I really wouldn't have wanted to do it without a third person around

My DD was 2.9 when DS was born at home so a bit older. She had been to most of the midwife appointments with and they had included her brilliantly.
We also read "Hallo Baby" A LOT - great book aimed at slightly older children possibly.

I had my SiL on call for the birth and she had full responsibility for DD, leaving DH to sort me out (ie fetch me drinks and tell me to try not to push until the midwives turned up - as if...........!) All 3 midwives (2 + student) turned up 10 minutes before DS so don't rely on having them there if it kicks off quickly.
DD was upstairs when he was born but was down with us within 5 minutes. Having SiL there meant we could play it by ear and the way it played out seems to have really worked for us. It was a fantastic, positive experience that DD still talks about over 18mths later.

Good luck with it all.

with my first homebirth i went into labour at 1am and DD2 was born at 2.54am - DD1 never woke and was delighted to find her baby sister in the moses basket beside our bed the next morning.
I had DD3 at 8am and my mum was on hand to give them breakfast and turn a video up loud - it was a slightly more complicated birth and I was glad there was someone other than DH available to look after them.
I think it is worth having someone other than and midwives on standby. DD2's birth was very straightforward and everything worked out fine - DD3's wasn't.

ah Thomcat - i didn;t know that about Lottie. what a lovely story. i also didn;t know DC3 was on the way. Congratulations!

Think I have posted this before somewhere but I was 2.8 when my brother was born at home and it's my earliest memory (not of him being born but of how cross I was that I wasn't allowed in at the final moment - apparently there were lots of midwives and the room was too full). My grandma was there to look after me, would imagine it's pretty essential someone else is there, but I spent quite a lot of time with my mum and saw my brother immediately (refused to give him a kiss until he had had a bath ). Was fine at the time and certainly hasn't scarred me for life! Not exactly a voice of experience but thought you might like a different perspective.

I think it's lovely to have them around. My three all slept through the birth of number 4. My older two were around for the birth of number three. In fact I laboured during the day when they were at school and nursery, then it was almost pushing time when they got back. I remember popping out of my labour state to tell dd1 to turn the heating on, before returning to my animal baying noises.

They sat downstairs watching Toy Story then came straight up to see ds3 still attached to the cord. It was lovely.

I had dd2 at home.

Dh and I both felt very strongly that we didn't want dd1 (then 15months) at home at the time. I am VERY noisy in labour and felt sure that dd1 would be upset and frightened by this rather extreme transformation in her mother. I also wanted to be completely focused on labour and not worrying about how dd1 was coping.

DH also made the valid point that if I needed to be admitted to hospital quickly during labour he wanted to be with me in the ambulance and focusing on me...again not frantically trying to sort out someone to look after her, or alternatively taking her to the hospital.

dd1 went round to some lovely neighbours at 6.30am. She had a great morning with them and their children and came home after lunch to meet her new little sister.

I think if you are happy for your DP not to necessarily be there with you all the time or even at crucial moments (as I am) then it'd be fine.

I am worried that my 3 DCs will hear me or see me and be concerned, so for that reason I'd rather they weren't too close by. I know that DD (2.6) will want to see me and cry for me if she sees or hears and and I think that will put me off the job in hand.

I've had 2 HBs so far and they have happened at night/early morning. I think there is an element of mind of matter which might kick in!

Good luck with yours

I agree foxy. I think your body knows when is a good time to go into labour which is why you hardly ever hear about people going into full on labour in the middle of Sainsburys.

In fact, now I come to think of it, I was having a feeble stop start labour with ds3 all night and all morning and was doing household stuff in between relatively untroubled. I wanted dh and ds2 out of my way. The minute he left to pick up dd from pre school my labour kicked in, big time. When he returned about half an hour later I was mooing like a cow, sweating and about to push. I had been waiting for him to leave the house because I didn't want him there.

Hi, I had my 18 mth ds with me on the home birth of ds2. A completely fantastic experience. My mum and dad came over to the house late evening after I'd been having contactions all day (only early ones, nothing too painful), my ds1 ran around, my mum and dad went upstairs with a cup of tea (we put a telly in our bedroom for them) and ds1 could be wherever he wanted. Midwife came around midnight and ds2 was born at 2.30am. By which point ds1 had fallen asleep with granny. I had a lovely bath, cup of tea and toast with dh, and g'ma and g'dad, lots of cuddles, slept until 6.30 when ds1 ran in and joyfully examined baby brother. A wonderful experience. I found it really helpful having someone else around, my labour and everything was really fine but I remember being stressed about how ds1 would behave and react to it all, you also have no idea what time or when its all going to happen so its hard to plan. It would have been fine if my mum and dad hadn't made it though.

A friend of ours has just had a home birth, with ds1 present, in the afternoon, everything fine, he went to his b'room when she was pushhing and watched a new dvd and ate chocalate and then came and proded his sibling...went without a hitch.

I had DS1 (2.6) at home and wanted him to be at home for the arrival of second baby.
I was lucky as I got the "efficient night time labour" as you say, contractions started at 9pm ish and DS2 was born at dawn (in birth pool in our conservatory).
When DS1 came down in the morning he saw his baby brother, lovely!
But I did have a doula as I thought she could help out if labour started during the day. She was great so this might be worth thinking about?
Her support meant I didn't need to call the midwives right until the end and so miniumum interference from them - def a good thing IMO!
Hope it all works out for you