Emergency c section under general Anaesthetic

[Brettgirl]

Hi, I gave birth a week ago to my beautiful boy.
I was induced and then needed an emergency section under a general anaesthetic. I feel like I have lost so many memories that I would have made, I can’t remember how I felt when they bought him to me, I can’t remember how I felt when they told me he was a boy. I feel elated that we both made it but cheated of so many memories.
Does this feel familiar to anyone else?

Hi, there are women who went through the same at the Birth Trauma Association. They have a Facebook group you can join. I think there might be another group for women who were under general anaesthetic when they gave birth. Women in the Birth Trauma Association group will probably know about it.

I'm sorry you've gone through this.

Thank you so much, this was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for but didn’t know where to start x

My son was born under GA too. It feels pretty raw initially and i was fiercely protective when people (in laws 😉) held him for 2 mins and were adamamt he did his first smile etc. as felt I'd missed so much (i hadn't!). A month or so later i was absolutely fine and we have a great bond! I am pregnant again now and was very wobbly for first 20 weeks. My advice would be to have a debrief and talk to your local birth afterthoughts service , it really helped me piece things together in my mind. If you are really struggling they can refer you to counselling or something. It is very early days though, and hormones are all over the place so be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally. Xx

@gotthekey Thank you, it means a lot to hear from someone that’s been through it. I’m sick and tired of “never mind, he’s ok “ or “ I was so exhausted from the labour that I don’t remember much”. I appreciate that may be the case, but those people still have photos of their baby minutes old in their arms with their partners looking proud. And it hurts. I feel like I’m failing my son for not being able to tell him those memories in years to come, made worse by the fact that my milk hasn’t come in. I’ve asked for a debrief, I hope it helps. I clearly remember the noise I made during the last contraction before the anaesthetic, knowing it was harming my baby, and I feel haunted by it, I have nightmares about it. Sorry to go on xx

Yep, birth trauma counselling can really help.

I didn't have GA but due to length of labour and lack of sleep by the end I was delirious and couldnt remember having a baby, or why I was in pain.

I was then taken to theatre to be patched up and fell asleep (epidural), when I woke up it took a while for me to ask about baby, was all very strange. Counseling really helped.

And you don't need to justify everything with "I'm just glad baby was ok", you count too!