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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Please help me complain about my awful gynae!

21 replies

MrsTittleMouse · 28/05/2007 20:09

I've posted here before about my painful episiotomy scar and the dreadful consultant who insulted me and didn't take me seriously:
this thread
I'm seeing the GP again on Thursday, when we'll talk about getting me a second opinion. I really want to complain about the 1st gynae, and I don't know the best way to go about it. Should I wait until I've seen the 2nd consultant to compare? Should I go through the GP? Should I write directly to the hospital? What's the best way to go about it? I'm also not sure about what I want. I want an apology and also to know that he won't treat other women the same way, but I don't really know if that's feasible.
We tried again last night to have sex and no joy. Sometimes it feels as though the whole world is having fun and I'm cut out of it.

OP posts:

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missboo · 28/05/2007 20:44

sorry to hear about your pain, how long ago did you have your DD, i know you have prob covered everything but could it be scar tissue because that can be a real bitch.

Dont let the 1st gyne make you think its all in your head you know what pain feels like.
sometimes they treat as just another body so stick it out , it might be best to see the other one first and see what he has to say or maybe see if there is a female gyne she might be a bit more understanding.

Also is there anyway you could get written confirmation from the MW who exaimend you about it being an epi not a tear.

rowan1971 · 28/05/2007 20:48

Go to see/phone the hospital PALS (Patients Advisory Liaison Service) - they should be able to help you. Make sure you copy the complaints letter to everyone you can think of, including the head of the gynae unit and the chief executive of the trust. Check the hospital's complaints procedure, which should be publically available - it will tell you when you can expect a reply. Mention this in the letter so that they know they can't fob you off.

I remember your thread, and that guy sounded awful. Go for it, girl!

shonaspurtle · 28/05/2007 20:50

Your hospital's PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) will be able to help you. The hospital should have a complaints procedure which should hopefully make it clear exactly who to contact in the first instance. You can escalate the complaint if you are not satisfied - the complaints procedure will explain all this.

Good luck! I hope you can get an apology and also the help you need with your scar.

Original poster

MrsTittleMouse · 28/05/2007 20:56

I've sent off for my hospital notes (have paid the money (35 quid) but will have to wait up to 40 days for them to be sent. That should clear up the epi/tear thing. I think it is scar tissue, but because it's along the length of the vagina and not in a band at the entrance it's unusual (as far as I can tell), which is one reason why the GYN didn't take me seriously.
DD is now 7 and a half months. So it's been a while. I'm getting a bit frustrated (to say the least) about everyone making me wait and wait to see someone or get something done. The GP has made me wait a month for this appointment to sort out a 2nd opinion. The 2nd opinion appointment could be in anything up to 13 weeks. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I knew that this wasn't right at the bloody 6 week check, which was completely useless, as I had to force the GP to do any kind of internal to check me out, and her "solution" was to have lots of sex to stretch me.

OP posts:

maisym · 28/05/2007 20:59

could you see some one as a private patient? Could you call up the local private hospital & get an appointment?

No idea why docs don't take this problem seriously.

rowan1971 · 28/05/2007 21:00

Why don't you say all that to your GP when you see her? Try to phrase it in a factual way, and try to stay calm when relaying it to her (practise in the mirror?), but you've been treated pretty badly, and she needs to understand how the situation is affecting you.

Six week checks are a big load of old nonsense in my experience. I had a pretty nasty wound after DS2's birth (although thankfully it has healed well), and my GP didn't even ask me how I was - just did the checks on DS2 then ushered me out. I should have complained about him too, but who has the time/energy when you have a new-born and you're recovering from the birth?

missboo · 28/05/2007 21:14

I agree you do have to be careful how you go about it as they can stick together sounds like your doing the right thing by getting all the relivent paper work so stick with it and get that appology.

by the way should have told that doctor to stick a large rocket up her nunny and she if she liked that.

Klaw · 28/05/2007 21:33

If you need to make a complaint about your Maternity care: www.aims.org.uk/complaint.htm

Explains the procedures to go through.

Blondie79 · 28/05/2007 21:47

Mrs TM - I understand how you are feeling!
My DS was born over a year ago now and I still find sex painful. When I gave birth to my DD 3 years ago I had a 2nd degree tear and was stitched up. This healed perfectly and after a few months sex was as it always was previously. So when I had my DS and I didn't tear but had a 'graze' (midwifes phrase) I thought nothing of it! However, I think that the 'graze' never healed properly and my doctor wasn't interested in examining me at my 6 week post check.
Have since been back to the GP who thinks I have been suffering with Thrush!! I have told her that sex is painful and she basically said it was perhaps psychological!!! Sorry This is long but I thought I was one of very few who had these problems!! Your thread has made me decide to go back and see a different doctor and perhaps even get referred privately!

Original poster

MrsTittleMouse · 28/05/2007 22:12

Hi Blondie,
YES, definitely get it checked out. The useless GYN suggested thrush as a source of pain too. Useless , did he really think that I couldn't tell the difference between a bit of surface soreness and the agony of pressure on the scar??? He also suggested "anxiety" as a cause. I asked him if he thought that standing made me anxious as that causes problems for me too.
So you're definitely not alone in this.
I'm going to check out PALS and get back to you all.
Thanks for all the sympathy and advice.

OP posts:

lillochum · 28/05/2007 22:27

Hi MrsTittleMouse, what a horrible experience. I had a savage episiotomy with DD1 though not leaving me in as much pain as you have. My doctor told me to have lots of sex to "harden me up" too, and I was also offered the possiblity of having the thing re-stitched, though I didn't go so far as to see a gynae. I really only had pain when it came to sex and didn't get comfortable sex for about a year. Even now, certain positions can be painful (over 8 yrs ago I m afraid), but I think this is perhaps because the scar tissue doesn't lubricate. I heard that you can get anaesthetic sprays etc which might be of help, though my Dr never mentioned these. Also, on another thread I gathered someone had used lashings of KY to good effect. Anyhow, I hope you get some worthwhile treatment soon, and PLEASE DO complain - otherwise he will behave like that with everyone, and no-one deserves that.

Original poster

MrsTittleMouse · 28/05/2007 22:32

Just remembered something else. The GP talked about 2 options for a 2nd opinion: a senior consultant a the same hospital, or a doctor at a completely different hospital. Is it better to go somewhere completely different to avoid "well, he's a thoroughly good chap so I'm sure that he had the right diagnosis" issues from someone who knows the first consultant? Or is it better to get the guy's boss as he'll be more senior and more able to get things done?
I'm leaning towards going to a different hospital, even though I'm going to be a lot more tactful about the first examination than I am on mumsnet when I speak to the 2nd doctor!

OP posts:

time4me · 28/05/2007 22:48

I feel so sorry to hear about your upsetting year.Ive had 2 cs so cant really help other than to say if you go to Boots there seems to be millions of lubrications that could help,not just ky.
Sorry if this suggestion is useless,you sound so brave and I hope you get some resolution.

maisym · 29/05/2007 10:14

see the one with the most experience imho. hope you find a doc who'll do something to help.

morningpaper · 29/05/2007 10:24

MrsTittlemouse just to say that 7 1/2 month is still VERY early.

I was in pain for over 18 months with both of mine (episiotomy and tear). The best advice from a gynae was to just wait another year. 7 months is too soon for deep tissue healing to have completed in all cases. The GP and consultants are probably being quite sensible in not rushing your appointments.

A GP shouldn't really do an internal check at six weeks if you are in pain - it can cause further damage opening you up with a speculum if you are in a lot of pain! So don't be too hard on your GP

expatinscotland · 29/05/2007 10:25

I'd go to a different hospital.

NO ONE should have to be in constant pain 7 months afterwards.

I wish I'd had a csection rather than the instrumental delivery I got.

morningpaper · 29/05/2007 12:00

The OP isn't in CONSTANT pain, she is in pain when she has sex

I think that this is NOT UNCOMMON after a tear/cut at this stage

I think it's unhelpful to suggest that if you are in pain during sex 7 months after a messy delivery then there is SOMETHING WRONG. The body can take a long time to heal from this sort of physical trauma

Original poster

MrsTittleMouse · 29/05/2007 12:40

That's right, it feels like a knot all the time, but I wouldn't describe it as painful until we try sex (when it is VERY painful).
To clear things up, I didn't want a full internal at 6 weeks (a speculum ), I just wanted her to check my stitches. Which she did once I asked her to, using 1 finger.
I'm also perfectly willing to believe that it will take longer for me to heal properly, but at the moment, no-one who has examined me, and who believes that I really am in pain has been able to tell me that. For all I know, I could have been badly stitched or have scarred in a strange way, or any other number of things, but I'd never know and never be able to do anything about it.
On a happier note, DD has just started to "kiss" me , she leans over and dribbles on my mouth with her mouth wide open. Her future teenage boyfriend is in for a treat.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 29/05/2007 12:42

I LOVE big wet open-mouthed baby kisses

They are THE BEST

Original poster

MrsTittleMouse · 29/05/2007 12:44

I always thought they were disgusting when I saw other people's babies doing them. My baby's kisses are wonderful though!

OP posts:

fearscape · 29/05/2007 13:40

I have a 9 month old baby born by cs. My scar still frequently hurts (not really painful more uncomfortable) both on the outside and the deeper inside wound, and I still find sex painful (too painful to do - if the whole world is having fun then I'm sat in the corner with you!) even though I was never in labour or even had an internal exam - am bf so think maybe it is hormonal?? I realise this is very different to your case, and no advice at all, but just to echo some previous posts that it probably takes longer than we expect for our bodies to recover. No excuse for rude and incompetant doctors/consultants though. Good luck with your complaining!

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