Alert on notes for previous sexual assualt

[Icepackonmyhead]

Due my 2nd baby in a couple of weeks and have a history (15yrs ago) of a sexually abusive relationship.
1st labour brought it all back unexpectedly and it was hellish.

My midwife is aware, but obviously unlikely to have her for actual birth.

I want staff to know, but I don’t want to explain or have my husband explain every freaking time someone comes in.

Any ideas? I thought a sticker for the front of my notes, but would they read it? Don’t want to have to explain at all, but going to have to somehow

I am sorry you went through that. I believe you can ask your midwife to help you with a care plan. You may need a referal to the perinatal mental health team to get help articulating your triggers and working out what would help you.

I am sorry too. Agree with applesandpears good suggestions. I have ptsd and while I didn’t find ds1s birth itself triggering, I found myself being very passive and consenting to things I wasn’t comfortable with. It definitely contributed to having PND.

This time I was more vocal from the outset, didn’t make use of the specialist MH team but think that’s a good idea. I did a birth reflections session to discuss ds1s birth and from that I had an idea of what could be done differently from a clinical perspective.

Just had DS2 at 35w, and hadn’t made a birth plan so would recommend doing this much earlier (24w?).
The mw in charge of delivery was AMAZING and clearly had read my notes. I went into myself and couldn’t speak much, but she was a great advocate, doing things like limiting the number of people in the room, keeping lights low/off, allowing me to stand/move despite needing continuous foetal monitoring.

If you know triggers then write this into a plan, get your dh to make sure the mw has really understood, and if labour goes through a shift change make sure the mw hands over properly.

OP this is so important. I was in exactly the same situation with my twins' birth in Feb. The unit had no system for flagging SA and I did have to explain to everyone. So fucking humiliating also although the consultant had agreed beforehand to one particular thing that would make me feel a lot better about the birth (not having a specific intervention), when I pitched up for my induction no one knew about it / hadn't been documented so the staff were all like "hmmmm we'll see" but never 100% agreed.

In the end I delivered alone after a very very precipitous labour - think minutes. I am convinced this was because I felt so massively stressed by the lack of agreed care that my body basically just expelled the babies as soon as it was "safe" ie as soon as I had been left alone. It was a real emergency as DT1 cord broke and I was there alone with him bleeding. Luckily they came in for DT2 birth and it was too late for them to intervene as she was coming but I feel strongly that if I hadn't had to argue and explain with everyone, I would have beem much less panicked and the labour would have progressed more normally.

So for me it is a safety thing. If you are seriously upset in labour, how will it affect your labour? What is the potential impact on your baby? Maybe approach from that angle....

Oh yeah and they didn't read my BP and DH had fecked off to pay for parking when they started on at me. Make sure he knows it inside out and doesn't ever leave you alone.

Could your midwife put a note in? I have ptsd from sexual assault which was triggered during my first emcs and in my second pregnancy, the consultant I was under (who was planning on delivering my baby herself) put in a ton of notes in case it didn't go to plan (which of course it didn't). I got to the hospital in the middle of the night in labour panicking about how on earth I was meant to advocate for myself and found I didn't need to, she'd done it all for me.

Or could you ask to speak to a Consultant to put a care plan into place?

Did you have any problems with your first pregnancy, labour or delivery?
Have you considered a home birth?

‘I found myself being very passive and consenting to things I wasn’t comfortable with. It definitely contributed to having PND.’
This really resonates with me from PP.

Thank you for your advice and experiences, ive been reading, for you all.

Since first post my midwife has left, so if I need a sweep (which caused major problems last time) it will be with a total stranger.

I was under the mental health team, but due to a lot of changes I was moved out pre-20wks or so. I had problems physically postnatally, that’s what the consultant and mws have focussed on.

I haven’t been able to express my anxiety properly to anyone involved in my care. And when I’ve tried, it hasn’t really been ‘latched onto’.

I am planning a homebirth, and have contacted a doula in the last couple of days in desperation to have some relationship (apart from DH) with someone caring for me.
It’s expensive, but before looking for that I was considering going unassisted, which really I don’t want to do.
At least with a doula there’s someone to express my wishes, someone I’ve met before.

I am more scared of what people will do to me than birth itself

Oh and I know everything is my choice/I don’t have to have a sweep/informed consent etc.

Last time all that was said and turned out to be total bollocks!

OP I absolutely get your feelings. I had a massive battle not to have an epidural amongst other things as I could not ever be in a position where I couldn't move or get away if I needed. The consultant didn't get it at all and said "but if you have an epidural you won't be able to feel if we decide to make an intervention"

That still gives me the screaming horrors to think of, thank God that woman wasn't at my birth in the end.

Stuff that helped me in case useful.-

Write about your SA at top of BP

Do BP as "scenarios" ideally xyz, if mild foetal distress or other issues I can tolerate abc, in an emergency will consent to 123 but not blah blah under any circs

Keep in mind what you find most triggering and negotiate around it. For me, being on my back. I was induced with pessary but had them put it in with me on my side not on my back. Also insisted on birthing DT2 like that. What are your red lines and is there a way to make things more controllable for you?

Your mh is so important and unfortunately, you need to advocate for yourself here. Good luck

Thanks @johnny for sharing your story and what helped you.
I’ve made a start on a birth plan.
First page is ‘essentials’, and then have done a ‘best case scenario’ page for staying at home and then a ‘hospital transfer’ page.
Makes it sound really long, but as long as people read the 4 points on the first page it should be ok.
I’m glad I posted here, was in 2 minds about it, but have had really good advice and feel like I’m not on my own.

Good for you.

I ended up editing mine down to bullet points so it all went on one side of A4.

I also made sure to include language like "I have received and understood advice about why the hospital recommends X but I am making an informed decision to refuse"

I really hope it goes well for you. You could post your BP here later for comment - I never did that but another lady did and some MWs and more experienced people were able to comment.

Have you thought about what you want to have happen after the birth. I know someone in a similar position who made the case she really needed her own room not a 4 bed bay on the postnatal ward.