I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?

[BananaBlaps]

My DD was an assisted delivery. I’d been pushing for 50 minutes when they said she was in distress and needed to get her out. They used ventouse and she was out with one pull.

Anyway it was 10 minutes before shift change over at the hospital.
I know this is probably stupid but I’ve always felt that they just used the ventouse to get her out before shift change.

I suppose I think I was only pushing for a short ish time. I’ve seen her heart readings and they are all up and down but I would have thought all babies hearts are like that when being pushed through a tiny passage!

Is that a silly thought?

I’m bitter as I tore and had an episiotomy. Still hurts when have sex and I have urinary incontinence.

No you are not being ridiculous to think that.
Have you asked about policy at the hospital? They must have some guidelines for assisted delivery. Maybe it would put your mind at ease if they could prove they were following protocol.

Now, the other issues are more serious in my view - you need to go and get seen about the pain and bladder problems.
Hope you can get some answers and some relief

when I say bladder, I guess I mean weak pelvic floor in general, which is the cause of muscle loss leading to incontinence - try and strengthen your pelvic floor with exercises - they really do work.

I think that your feelings are valid and that you should ask the hospital for a debrief about your treatment (there's a name for this but I can't remember it).

Please go and speak to your GP about the incontinence - they can refer you to a women's health physio.

Thanks. I’ve seen gp about pelvic floor and an going the PFE. I know I need to go about the pain issue. Am pregnant again and worried about the birth.

I have had a debrief on the birth. It was unsatisfactory but I struggle to explain why. The woman doing it didn’t speak clearly. And it felt rushed. I asked about the ventouse and that I’d not been pushing long. She showed me baby's Heart trace and explain the baby was in distress. I didn’t mention that it was close to shift change or accuse then of anything. I mean other than lines going up and down I can’t read anything from a heart trace - not a medical person at all.

I will call gp today but any ideas what to do about my feelings re. The hospital?

ask for another explanation - or maybe ask to be referred to a hospital counselling service so you can work through your feelings - they are perfectly valid (because you are feeling them, IYSWIM )

how long ago was the birth?
please do not put up with pain - it is completely unacceptable that women have to feel they should put up and shut up about pelvic pain etc. (of course it is common - look at the terrible scandal with vaginal mesh )

Also, write down all the points that you want to discuss - I know that GPs etc. only have a small time frame for each appointment , but its important to get things clear.

Thanks so much.

Yes I do see what you mean. I think I’ll speak to the midwife at my next appointment re. The hospital. I’ll ask if I can have another debrief or about their counselling service if one exists.
The birth was about 18 months ago. I guess it’s all come up as I’m pregnant again.

You’re very right about the pelvic floor and pain. I think you know at first your just coping with being a Mum, then you go through a period of assuming it’ll get better and then you get to where I am!

I guess I was hoping people would say - of course doctors wouldn’t just pull a baby out cos of the timing. I’m sure they didn’t. But I hated the hospital setting and the way the doctors constantly wanted to intervene.

Hi...... if anything, at the hospitals where I have worked, it's the opposite. No one really likes delivering a baby at handover time when you are tired, so doctors will always try and leave instrumentals until the new shift comes on (if safe to do so).

Assuming you are low risk, home birth could be a really good option for you this time. Have a look at the Birth Place study. Hope it all goes well x

Ah thank you. I’m sure that’s true. I would love a home birth but i lost a litre of blood with DC1 and don’t think it’d be recommended or that I’d be brave enough cos of the blood loss. I’m hoping for a MLU. I had a very low lying placenta last time so I’m hoping for a normal 20 week scan. It was the placenta that meant I had consultant led care and had to be on the labour ward.

With the first birth I was managing on no pain relief plus an induction drip to get to 8cm dilated but it all went down hill when the doctor made me lie on my side because my cervix had only thinned out on one side. So painful. Gas and air made me pass out so I felt I had no option other than an epidural and well, you can work out the rest from there.

I think laying on my side was probably only one of a few options and I’m pissed off as it’s that that made me feel I’d lost all control and give up.

I’ve self referred to the same hospital this time round but just for ease of local appointments. I’ll transfer my care after the 20 week scan if it’s clear.

Thanks everyone. It’s good to talk this through. Makes me realise there is a bit of trauma in my head.

I don’t want to sound harsh or unfair but I think it’s very unfair to blame the medical staff in your case. I would have thought nobody wants to start a risky procedure right before end of shift - surely you’d leave it for the next shift unless you had to?

Also, if you’ve had the trace shown and explained to you, you’ve seen the medical evidence behind the procedure.

The same with lying on one side - there was a clear reason. And it wasn’t the medical team that made that hurt - birth does hurt. Again, if your cervix wasn’t dilating properly, it’s more likely that than the subsequent epidural that lead to intervention.

When things don’t go the way we want it can be tempting to try and look for other reasons where there are none, but try to focus on the fact you had a positive outcome, and to focus on the birth ahead of you, not the one that you already had.

Yes, I’m sure that’s true about shift change - if you read my posts, that’s what I was hoping people would say.

The doctor who treated me was not nice and that is probably party why I feel the way I do. That’s not just my opinion. I remember her and the midwife having strong words with each other as the midwife did not agree with her care of me.

My cervix did dilate properly in the end so I am sure it was the epidural that led to subsequent intervention as far as i know that’s generally what the research shows.

Of course I’m happy with the positive outcome and that’s the main thing that matters. However that doesn’t mean we should accept loss of control of our bodies at the time (and the resulting trauma) and subsequent birth injuries.

If the midwife was complaining about the way the doctor cared for you, that is a different matter.
I don’t know what it was about but it is concerning. Could you have a further debrief and explain all this?
I feel if you don’t its going to niggle on in the back of your mind.
Then next time when you go they may an extra effort to be nice because things went wrong last time.

Hmmm, I don’t remember too much. I remember the discussion/argument and then the midwife saying to me something like she didn’t agree with the doctor or didn’t like how she was caring for me or something. But that’s literally all I remember. I don’t even remember at what point it was. And I assume there would be no record of this disagreement in my notes.

The midwife was lovely and newish to the job I think. I didn’t mention this at all in my debrief as to be completely honest I didn’t want to get her into any trouble.

OP I would see if you can access a private womens health.physio. appts are not rushed and you can get advice on more than just clenches. Strongly recommend.

I would write to the hospital and ask if you can have a debrief with the midwife who cared for you. At least that way you will be able to ask the questions that are on your mind.

Regarding the trace, yes heartbeats do go up and down, but it depends when during the contractions, for what time period, and how low (amongst other things) the decelerations are in relation to the contractions as to what that means to your baby. Again, a debried with the midwife who was with you may help with that if she can go through it and explain better.

People are correct though, instrumental deliveries are not generally done immediately prior to shift changes unless they need to.

Ok thanks, that just helps to know that instrumentals aren’t normally don’t prior to shift change. I think I just needed to hear that from someone independent who would know.

I think I’ll leave any further debrief and focus on the physical issues. I’ve made a GP appointment. Thanks everyone