Pregnant mums- do you want to know?

[Blueisland]

A friend of mine (another mum) thinks women should talk more openly to pregnant women about childbirth so they have an idea of what to expect. However when I was pregnant I really didn’t want to hear childbirth stories as I was frightened.

Pregnant mums, what do you think? My sister in law is pregnant so I’m wondering if I should raise the topic with her. She seems a bit nervous about it all and my birth experiences are mainly positive so I wouldn’t be sharing horror stories. Of course I do not want to make her uncomfortable. What do you think?

Doesn't matter how much you get told, you still aren't prepared for childbirth.

It hurts so much more than you ever think.

No, I didn't want to hear about the horror stories or the good stories. I wanted useful information.

The most useful information I had was to fight the urge to push while crowning to reduce the risk of tearing. I had information regarding breathing out reducing the intensity of contractions but in practice I just held my breath during them. Both my births were actually OK, I found them positive and escaped without stitches.

Telling me that you felt like you were going to die was terrifying, and turned out untrue for me. I was already scared of hospitals so being told that vaginal examinations are performed without asking just pushed me towards home births and partly towards a pool as then nobody could get to me.

When I was pregnant I loved hearing childbirth stories. I found it so interesting how it was so different for everyone and think it helped prepare me for when my labour didn't go the way I planned at all. I also love telling people my birth story when they ask!

I heard hundreds of horror stories prior to having my daughter, and tbh they never bothered me much at all. I knew childbirth was going to be painful and a bit shit, does anyone really believe otherwise?

It sounds ridiculous but when I would hear the bad stories I always thought to myself 'that won't be me, I will be fine, but if I'm not fine then I'll deal with it'. Perhaps I was setting myself up for disappointment but I truly believed I would be ok and luckily I was, I had a very straightforward birth. I do agree that I wasn't as informed about recovery, despite an 'easy' birth I still cried everytime I sat down or went to the toilet for nearly a week which I naively wasn't prepared for.

So many women told me that "it hurts but you forget all about it once the baby is in your arms"

A very good friend told me frankly that childbirth was the most horrendously painful experience of her life, and eighteen years later she hasn't forgotten how much it actually hurt. She is one of the toughest women I know so I knew she wasn't just glossing the over the truth to appear 'hard'.

I actually appreciated the latter piece of advice far more than the rose-tinted view. The baby has to come out but my goodness you don't forget that pain!

There is definitely stuff I wish I'd known. The fact that early labour can go on for days, and can be delayed by a full bladder which won't empty. That was a horrendously painful experience, and I was so exhausted afterwards, not because of the 12 hour active labour but because I'd not slept for more than 20 minutes at a time for 4 days. Had I known about the bladder thing, and raised it with the midwives, my ds might have been born a good few hours earlier, and I might have got the birth I hoped for.

Also in the recovery side of things, no one told me I would have to inject myself with Clexane for ten days after the birth. That was a fun surprise. It was also really difficult to nail down what 'healthy' lochia was, and what warranted medical intervention. No one warned me about night sweats. Also with all the encouragement about breast feeding, no one mentioned blocked ducts or the symptoms for mastitis, so I had no idea that was why I felt so ill, I thought it was the flu, or just normal tiredness. I didn't realise it was mastitis until the midwife diagnosed it.

I think I expected the birth to be an unknown quantity despite all the reading I did, but the recovery was even more so, and it was very frustrating not being able to get clear answers on things. Having said all that, I feel very positive about my whole birth experience and the recovery, I'd do it again like a shot! I just wish I'd known more about what to expect with regards to my own body, once I got home. Antenatal classes seemed to focus on what happens with baby, once you get out of hospital, and what happens to mum gets forgotten and glossed over.

Oh the clexane injections! How did I forget about those! I had to inject for SIX WEEKS post-birth, awful.

I was fortunate enough to have friends that only told me positive birth stories, that helped me. My ex MIL was desperate to fill me in on all the horrors, I don't think this is useful at all.

Yes & no....failed induction which resulted in an emcs....after 27 hours of back to back labour and three failed epidurals 🙄😬

NOTHING prepares you.
Don’t risk being a shot messenger.
She’ll get through it like the rest of us, with the battle wounds (physical and mental) to prove it!

I wanted to know. I even asked. All I got was 'its not that bad', 'you'll cope', 'it's worth it' and 'you forget about the pain'. All of which is total bollocks. I was so angry for such a long time afterwards.

The difficulty is that I know it I share my birth story it’ll scare my friends into not having kids at all. But my story isn’t that uncommon and maybe women having a better understand of the health risks and potential lifelong consequences would help us make better informed decisions.

I guess you have to balance it with also gushing about how amazing it is to be a parent...?

I’d be less likely to share stories with pregnant women as it’s too late for them!

I think people are too keen to share the horror stories so I want to hear more positive stories (there was a good thread on here a few weeks ago that I saved). Based on the people I actually know or hear about locally, virtually every damn birth ends up with an EMCS! So stories that don't end up with that, or 4th degree tears, are generally good to share. But ask your SIL if she wants to hear about it?

After giving birth I do ironically feel pissed off with every women and medical professional for not making it clear how badly things can go wrong.

But again my perspective is skewed as I had a terrible labour & have ended up with terrible complications afterwards.

It’s more about knowing facts. Had I of known all the facts prior to labour. I probabaly would of refused to lie on my back and have a forcep birth.

But hey ho. That’s life. I think pregnant people want positive stories and to believe they will be fine. I did. An for a few they will be fine.

But for everyone else. You come out the other end feeling cheated somehow. I think they sell labour a lot as this magical experience. It wasn’t magical at all for me. Most traumatic time of my life.

I think lisasimpson makes a good point that it depends on the pregnant woman's expectations and cultural references. I certainly didn't expect childbirth to be easy, magical, natural or whatever! I'm surprised if there really are a lot of women out there who expect it to be straightforward as long as they do the right breathing exercises and think their bodies will be totally unchanged afterwards. I'm not sure where that expectation comes from?

Personally, even though I did have a birth on the more traumatic end of the scale - tearing, episiotomy, significant blood loss - I found both breastfeeding and the newborn stage more of a shock to the system!

It's a difficult one. Fear of the unknown is scary, so you want to be prepared and know what your options are. But I was told that stress and fear can make labour longer and more painful. And some of the birth threads on Mumsnet are enough to terrify anyone.

My labour didn't progress well, and one of the midwives thought that my fears of giving birth and suffering a childbirth injury were slowing it down. I ended up having an EMCS. It was OK.

One of the few good things about IVF is that I was utterly unfazed by the Clexane injections. I'd got over my fear of sticking needles in myself a year earlier.

as a constant worrier, i would rather not know. Ive already heard horror stories, and then women claiming birth was a breeze. So you have no idea how its going to go, theres no point worrying yourself when in reality you could be done within an hour, no tearing etc