First birth was general anaesthetic and forceps. What to do this time?

[GotTheKey]

I am looking for some advice/ input/ thoughts on my childbirth experience and how it has impacted my thoughts for no.2 who is due in October.

First baby born 2.5 years ago. I have an underlying congenital heart condition which doesn't affect me daily but means i require extra monitoring in pregnancy. This includes consultant led care and last time i was recommended to have induction at 39 weeks, epidural and 30 mins limited pushing before intervention. I also have to deliver in a hospital which is not local to me.
Surprise surprise with those restrictions my experience was; a long labour (20 hours), failed epidural at the end, and forceps delivery under a genereal anaesthetic! At day 3 postpartum i then had a 3 hour jourmey home...not ideal with ruined bum and bits, and sore nipples!
Anyway, we did fine and i have lots of support so recovered fairly well and it didn't affect me emotionally at the time. However, I am now 23 weeks pregnant with no.2 and the anxiety has ramped up. Restrictions/ recommendations for my birth will be the same this time and I'm not entirely happy with them to be honest! I have a birth after thoughts session arranged for next week and will have the chance to see consultant midwives too to disucss how i feel, but consultant is a tricky man and i am worried about seeing him in a month. I want to request an ELCS but am worried that he will say no. I'm not usually an anxious person but I've been having nightmares, bursting into tears randomly and unable to really talk about my last birth experience.
Looking for any experiences of similar situations in terms of directed births due to health conditions and also responses from professionals when going against their recommendations.
It is making my pregnancy crap because it is really taking over my mind!
Thanks in advance and hope this makes sense!

It sounds like you had a tough time and you're well within your rights to request an elective section and shouldn't be refused. If you are refused I'm sure you could request a different consultant.
The only thing I will say is second births are generally expected to be more straightforward - eg. First time I had a long labour that ended up with a very distressed baby, emergency rotational forceps etc but my second baby leapt out in 3 pushes after 4hrs labour with barely a tear so you may find the consultant's reluctance to give you an ELCS is down to him relying on this being the case for you too. (As well as it being major surgery and costly) but stick to your guns - he shouldn't refuse you if the risks are explained and you still feel it's right for you.

Hopefully someone will be along with more relevant experience but good luck, I really hope he listens to you!

Thank you for your reply!
Lots of people have said about second births and if they could guarentee it then i think I'd feel better and more confident, but I'm just so frightened this time. I also feel entirely stripped of any choice with their restrictions. I'd love a natural birth but i really don't want forceps again and the thought of them using them last time when i was knocked out makes me feel sick. I'm so torn. 95% of me is adamant on ELCS but that small 5% wonders what it could be like 2nd time round! Such a tricky call!

Excuse the torn pun!!! 😳

In your position I'd push for an ELCS. That way you'll know what's going to happen and feel more in control.

I'm 3 weeks post-partum and had a similar experience to you. Induced labour, left in pain for 3 days with little pain relief, ended in me screaming at the mid wife for drugs. Mid wife then making me push at 8cm, baby in wrong position, epidural and forceps delivery. I'm almost healed physically but mentally I feel horrendous. It has scared me for life. People keep saying I will forget the pain and want another in 2 years......no way! I'm never knowingly getting pregnant again and if I accidentally get pregnant I think I would go for the planned c-section. So I feel your pain, if I was you I would do anything to avoid a repeat performance. Good luck I hope it all goes well xx

Sorry you had a crappy experience too Twinkle! I remember crying the day after my son was born because i knew i wanted another baby in the future but i was too scared 😭. I think they really under estimate the impact it has on us emotionally. I have had people say to me "oh he's here safely". Yes i know that but I'm not thinking logically so it doesn't help 😬. Hope you start to heal emotionally soon and perhaps look into a birth debrief?