I’ve just learnt about a little phenomenon...

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...called a (bloody) ‘push present’.

I came across the idea today when I was browsing Facebook and an old acquaintance was proudly posting her bling. This trinket was apparently a reward from her husband for pushing out their baby!

A quick google tells me I must have been hiding under a rock (not like her rock, just a regular grey stone one!) because these push presents are quite the thing.

Am I alone in finding it all a bit... I don’t know... off?

Maybe this should go on feminism chat, but I thought childbirth was quite appropriate too.

@TheLocalYokel - meant it was giving it a cutesy name and adding an expectation, that made it tacky! Bit like the difference between knowing your guests will probably turn up with a gift at your wedding, and having a gift list/request for cash in your invite.

I do think that if you are in a position to afford jewellery or a big gift, then marking the life change of becoming a parent is a more obvious event to mark than many others. The tackiness comes in the expectation and asking for something. Men wanting to honour the occasion of becoming a father by giving their DW a gift wasn't tacky, and by itself never will be.

Just don't call it a push present !

I was given rings with their birthstone in. They are beautiful. I hate the term push present, but I liked getting a bit of bling to commemorate the occasion.

For me the ‘ugh’ is:
The showing it off
The name
The idea that I would want commemorate such pain
The consumerism
The competition
The keeping up with the Joneses
The coldness/uselessness of bling at a time when I need warmth and comfort
The lack of spontaneity/the expectation
The potential for it to let a chauvinistic husband ‘get away with it’ by being useless but providing trinkets
The idea that my womb and vagina can be bought
The mental imagery that I’m sitting there like a good little child bearing wifey while my husband metaphorically pats my head.

The eternity ring ‘earned’ after the first child is born is equally distasteful to me. Is the addition of a child the only way a marriage will stick?

I agree with you. Seems like a reward for the staff to keep them in line.

It’s traditional in the UK to give an eternity ring after the birth of your first child.

In my culture a woman will often get thousands of pounds worth of gold before and after the birth of her first child.

I got my eternity ring when we finally sold our flat (after years of being in negative equity and actually made a profit) and DH suprised me with it. Years before any baby!

I'd love a 4x4 though. We bought a second hand Volvo estate after DD was born (I love it really, it's purple).

The car or the baby 😉

My husband bought me a necklace with our DD's birth stone in it after I gave birth to her, no so much as a gift for 'pushing' but to mark the happy occasion.

After a traumatic labour and delivery I asked him to bring me a bag of green apples to the hospital as I was still vomiting a lot and green apples was the only thing I fancied. He brought me red ones no wonder we are divorced now

I got a sort of push present but there was a lot behind it. I have had 2 miscarriages and after the second I bought myself a little bracelet as little memorial type thing. Unfortunately it got broken during my pregnancy with my rainbow baby so i asked my husband to buy me a replacement once he was born.
It was only £25 and the profits from it go to the NICU at Brighton hospital.

@AsAProfessionalFekko

I agree with you. Seems like a reward for the staff to keep them in line.

Yes! Like a Rolex incentive for a valued employee after so many years of service!

See, we have more of a tradition of marking big life events with jewellery- 18th, 21st, graduation, engagement, marriage etc.

I didn't get jewellery after dc1 (I got a car), but I do think becoming a parent for the first time is the most significant life event, and as "status changing" events go, would argue bigger than getting married.

If you can have a "well done on surviving childhood to 18" diamond, there's nothing wrong with "thank you for making me a dad" diamond.

Ok... but where’s the “thank you for making me a mum” gift? That’s were your logic gets a bit questionable for me.

Because the mother does all the hard work bit?!

I wouldn’t consider home cooked meals, helping me out the bath etc to be a ‘present’. Just my husband being a decent person.

I did get a diamond necklace after DS1 was born. I see it as a nice way of marking a very special occasion, in the same way that he bought me earrings on our wedding day and a watch for my 30th birthday.

FWIW I bought him a very nice pair of cufflinks for the same reason. And carrying on the tradition, I have another pair tucked away to give him when DS2 arrives (due in 5 days)

Mine walked the 4 miles to the closest shop to buy me lucozade and sesame snaps after my section.

Also helped me get my compressions socks on and off and did my fragmin injections for a week and did the jigsaw of giant sanitary towels in my underwear multiple times a day. I had a womb infection and was very unwell.

I also didn't change a nappy for 2 weeks!

PrimeraVez So long as you don’t go on social media and share photos of these trinkets along with the caption.... “his and hers pump and push presents” then I would never know about it and therefore couldn’t have an opinion!

I don’t think the kind or helpful or thoughtful things listed by myself and pp are a gift per se, but worry that a man might, for example, spend more time at work to pay for a showy gift than step up to the more important role of joining in with his family.

Because the mother does all the hard work bit

Well, only if you are in a very old fashioned relationship. Pregnancy and giving birth (whether through pushing or invasive surgery) is very hard and very painful, but a supportive partnership will quickly ‘compensate’ for that, much more than any expensive gift ever could.

The birth is the beginning of a journey of hard workload that is quite easily shared with the right supportive man.

When DS was 6 days old and we were still in hospital and I made the decision to ff him, I sent DH a message that says “Stilton, red wine, peanut butter”. Which was all waiting for me when we were discharged 2 days later.

OP - I meant woman do the hard work part in making the baby - the growing it and giving birth bit - not the care afterwards! DH was very supportive thoughtout my pregnancies and birth, but let's not pretend that in anyway is comparable to the horror show that is childbirth.

But yes, like wedding gifts, while it might be perfectly reasonable for someone to want to celebrate with a gift, it's tacky to ask for a gift.

Well I got sweet FA after both mine were born, plus he was four hours late picking me up after DS2 was born because he fell asleep on the sofa "because it had been a hard night for him".....

I sent dh home after our first.

It was 12 intense hours, long story, but they felt very sorry for us and let dh stay on with me in a suite in the birthing centre for ‘as long as we needed’ before they would move me and baby up to the ward.

After a while I realised he would have to drive home and rest so he could be refreshed to (hopefully) bring us home the next day.

If it was a game of ‘hard time too trumps’ I’d definitely win, but it was a hard night for dh too, and I wouldn’t undervalue that at all.

I got an eternity ring but for a significant birthday rather than giving birth.
Isn't your push present or section surprise really the actual baby?!