ELCS booked for tokophobia - doubting my decision

[Justanervousmess2018]

I have an ELCS booked next week due to tokophobia, which comes from fear of being out of control, fear of midwives not listening to me, fear of my body being broken beyond repair, fear of it all going horribly wrong and generally being scared.

Went to ante natal classes last week and they made a VB sound so lovely and easy I'm doubting myself. It's major surgery no one wants, the truth is both options terrify me......yes I am aware that I got myself into this situation but actually I was oblivious to the damage birth can cause you, mentally and physically.

I can back out to the point of going into hospital and I'm so thankful I live in a region where I'm taken seriously for my fears. I just don't know what to do. I'm worried if i risk a VB my stress levels will be so so high stressing the baby and therefore causing intervention. On the flip side I'm worried I'm going to have surgery I could have avoided

I'm expecting to be pretty useless for the first week. Although I'd expect the same from a natural birth from seeing friends suffering

I'm still terrified but deep down know I've made the right choice.

I think your choice of an elective is probs best. I'm almost in the same boat, I have my elective booked for Thursday morning. I have had two previous natural births but both resulted in a broken coccyx. My son was born in 2015 and I still can't sit properly due to tailbone pains. However, the thought of the c section is making me so nervous but I do think that that's just normal. Is it tomorrow your c section? Good luck! I'm sure everything will go great! X

Hi OP!
Just another vote for the hypnobirthing and also if you have time, read Ina May Gaskin’s childbirth book. I was convinced I was having an elective section until I read this. I’ve now done a full turn around and am aiming for a home birth, with a section booked in if I go overdue by 10 days to avoid induction (and I’m even thinking about trying to have that put back a bit...) I started hypnobirthing very late on and I don’t think I’ve really committed to it as much as I should have, it was really the book that made me feel so much more knowledgable and calm about the idea of a vaginal birth. If you’re a quick reader maybe get a copy (I have it on kindle app on my iPhone through amazon) and see if it helps at all? Knowledge is definitely power and from spending the first 7 months of my pregnancy petrified of childbirth and adamant of an elective section, I feel so much more informed and empowered and ready to give it my best shot whatever the outcome! It really has taken away my fears. Good luck with whatever you decide! X

I had a complicated vaginal (shoulder dystocia, ventouse, episiotomy) and had to have an elective second time for a variety of reasons ( baby related not me related). whilst it was the right decision for my baby I found it much tougher to recover even though it was planned and went well and my vb was on paper traumatic ( we were both fine). It just really felt like I had had major surgery and took me weeks to feel normal, I felt dehabilitated.
Just want to present the other side as most people seem to have breezy c sections!!
If you do have a c section insist on proper pain relief. Seems to be a trend of offering paracetamol at the moment. Crazy!

Well I had the ELCS last night. And so far feel much better than expected. I did expect the worst though. When I'm sat down there is no pain at all and yes, I'm a bit slow when I walk around, but I'm actually really happy with my decision. The team were amazing and aware of my fears so kept me so well distracted

@Justanervousmess2018

Congratulations!

I had two ELCS for similar reasons and both were fine. Don't push yourself too much and give yourself lots of time to rest and recover.

For what it's worth, I understand your apprehension about going ahead with the ELCS as antenatal classes do tend to focus on how lovely uncomplicated births can be and can make you doubt your decision. I also think the fact you have a set date for an ELCS gives more opportunity for your anxiety to build and again for fear and consequently doubts to set in. However, I do honestly believe that anxiety and fear can have a massive negative impact on vaginal birth as you become tense and can't relax, whereas it has less of an impact on the success of an ELCS. Of course you could have been fine eitherway, but I think a C-section is a very valid option in your case.

Yah! Many congratulations! Lovely update.

Congratulations and pleased it all went well for you

I do feel the need though just for future or for anyone else... 2 years to still have issues after VB is a very long time, I can’t say as I know anyone that’s had issues like that, so I really don’t think that’s the norm.

Also the being not up to much afterwards had much less to do with physical recovery so much as a tiny person waking me up every time I fell asleep

That's great news. Just wondering how you managed with the spinal block injection as I am absolutely terrified. This will be my 2nd Elecs.

I told them I was incredibly nervous and they were fantastic. I know the physical recovery will take me a lot longer generally but I went in knowing and accepting that.

He's so worth the pain and DP has been amazing

Congratulations on your newborn! I would just say that you shouldn't be suffering pain and if you are then get yourself some painkillers remember to take them on schedule whether you think you need them or not because they will preempt the pain appearing.

CONGRATULATIONS! Glad the staff were so helpful. A lovely update.

Congratulations! Really happy to hear the happy ending! I am on the same and literally freaking out. I am at a point now where I don't sleep beyond 3 hours every night and when I do I have nightmares of the whole childbirth process. I might have tokophobia, but I also am scared because none of the women in my family ever made through a successful VB and always ended up traumatised and an emcs saved their lives and the babies. My mother included and that experience scarred her so much that she hated the thought of children her whole life! Android pelvises do run in our family and they make it impossible to have a straightforward VB. The problem is that fears are not being listened to or taken seriously, mainly to save costs on the NHS. I feel very desperate. Can you please share where your fears were listened to and where you were signed off for an elective? If anyone else had a similar positive experience can you please share it? I need to find out if I can refer somewhere where my anxiety would be taken seriously. I am at 20 weeks now and am already a wreck. If I go on for another 20 weeks feeling this way, I don't know what will happen to me...

@ginger24 do you want to pm me? I'm not sure you can refer outside your own trust though?!

As another poster said I struggled more with the lack of control during CS particularly afterwards when I couldn’t get up & walk as normal. But then I had a very good 1st vagibal birth so could only compare to that. I would love a water birth though!

vaginal obvs!