Hate my body post-childbirth

[Flutist]

This afternoon DH and I were invited to a friend's bbq and hot tub. I gave birth 3 months ago, I'm huge with a belly pouch and stretch marks up to my ribs, so I wore a big t-shirt in the tub. Friend's wife (who has had two children) was wearing a bikini and has a perfect body without a single stretch mark. I know she's had several years to get back into shape but I'll never look like that again even if I slim down, because of my stretch marks.

I've felt upset all afternoon and have cried since we came home. I hate my ruined body. I hate myself. I know some people are just lucky but why am I never one of them?

I’ve never worn a bikini in my life and tbh never will now either. I too have stretch marks to my ribs, by far the worst I’ve seen amoung my friends. But they do fade. I can’t say I love them but really, wishing them away clearly isn’t going to work so why bother. Get a pretty one piece you feel comfortable in and don’t compare yourself to other people.

Please give yourself some time. Your baby is still tiny, 3 months after birth is hardly anything. You will naturally lose some as time passes, just relax for now and worry about it in a year or so if nothing has changed. My baby weight didn’t shift for 9 months and then it slid off no issues. Enjoy your new baby!

I keep looking at photos of me in a bikini this time last year and crying. I'm scarred for life and will never look like that again even if I lose the weight I've gained. Shallow I know, but I'm used to looking like this lady looked today and it made me realise that's gone for ever.

I truly sympathise. I had twins 19 months ago and I despise my body now. My weight was vaguely under control until I stopped pumping at 7 months and now I am stuck at just shy of obesity and nothing is working. I am covered in spider veins, cellulite, moles and skin tags. I still have diastasis recti so my stomach is huge. And to be fair I’d happily take triple the stretch marks and other physical marks if I could be back to my pre-pregnancy weight, because at least I’d look nice in clothes and photos (and I haven’t worn a bikini for 15 years anyway!)

I’m hoping we will adjust

They will fade over time OP, mine looked awful but now don’t bother me at all. You do have to put things into perspective. You have a child and presumably a healthy body with just some cosmetic scars.

Took two years for my stomach to look vaguely normal after the first and my belly button never went back to normal, I've accepted its the price i paid to have a child, I dread to think what it'll look like after the second. If I ever win the lottery a tummy tuck might be in the cards but until then I've accepted that a control swimsuit and some granny knickers might be in order. People who just spring back don't know how lucky they are

I fell pregnant at 17, put on 5 stone. I have never had my pre baby body back!!

Wish I could turn back time and eat better, not long had baby no.3 and have 2 stone to lose.

I took up walking and jogging everywhere after baby no.2 and lost a lot of weight.

Give it time op, you have just had a baby.

I can totally understand your reaction, but 3 months is REALLY early days!

It took a good 6 months before I looked ok in clothes, and I'd never have looked good in a bikini!

I put a lot of weight on in pregnancy, but I know I CAN lose it if I breastfeed forever and gradually increase my exercise/reduce food.

So, chin up, don't be too hard on yourself. you CAN improve things, it just takes time.

Honestly, stretch marks do improve a bit over time. I'll never look the same again though. I've accepted that swimsuits are probably the way forward and you can get really nice not frumpy ones now.

3 months is really early. You'll probably feel a bit better if you start to exercise. I found walking with the baby every day good (for the mind especially). And YouTube have some really good workouts you can do at home. Search for postnatal workouts. Some are 10 mins and I used to do them while baby napped or just while they were lying next to me on the floor.

I felt the worst about my body at around 3/4 months postpartum.
Before then I’d been so wrapped up in my baby, I hadn’t really noticed. I got really anxious about going anywhere without the baby as I just looked fat and old.
It took a few months more before I started to feel myself again. And looking back at photos of me on holiday, at 1 year pp, I think I look good! Just before I fell pregnant again.
You will get there. Stretch marks will fade and I’ve read it takes two years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and birth.

After my first I put on 4-5 stone and being little I stretched so badly I had stretch marks down to my ankles! It was awful but they did fade and they really didn't bother me by the time I had lost some weight. And I have been back in bikinis - not looking like I used to but I'm comfortable enough to wear them. It really does get better

It's so hard not to compare yourself to other people... but this isn't a fair comparison! I would have politely declined.

I have a skirted swimsuit that I wear to the local pool which I really like. I need extra coverage due to PCOS issues and always feel comfortable in it. It's a zoggs one so quite sporty but I've seen pretty skirted swimwear too.

Only about 2% of the population look good in a bikini. Everyone looks better in clothes!