CS Recovery with toddler

[loulocket]

Hi girls, due to traumatic first birth I am hoping for a planned CS in September when I’m due with my second. I had a 3rd degree tear from forcep delivery which took a long time to recover from so I have been reading as much as I can about recovery to try and manage expectations. This time of course I will have a 3 year old to contend with.... the first consultant I saw has referred me to a clinical psychologist as he believes I should opt for natural birth again and it’s a “mental thing” (🙄) .... I’m after some reality about the first 4-6 weeks with toddler... the kinda you can’t do/ can do types things and if it affects them. I worry if I’m being selfish. If I try a natural birth again and it’s ok, I’ll recover much quicker and be there for my toddler more... but I’m concerned that I want the calm and control of the event.... very confused. All advice, views and thoughts would be really welcomed!! Thanks so much xx

After an EMCS with DC1 I opted for an ELCS with DC2. Like you I wanted a calm and controlled birth, much to the consternation of my consultant who apparently thought I should at least want to try and do things the traditional way

Recovering from an ELCS with a not yet two year old at home brought its own challenges, mainly at points where I would have lifted DC1, e.g., in/out of car or bath, or where I would have needed to run after them. After the first couple of weeks though I found I was able to do pretty much everything except lift the toddler, including spending a day at an outdoor attraction carrying the baby in a sling whilst following DC1 around. The trick was in planning and making sure help was available if/when needed.

It's not selfish to want a birth you feel in control of and your DC will adapt. Prepare them beforehand so they know things will be a bit different when the baby arrives and they will hopefully take it in their stride. Good luck

I had an emcs following failed induction with first baby so also wanted a calm and controlled birth with dc2. (Luckily my consultant was happy to go ahead with this and didn’t argue.)

We only have a year’s gap between dc1 and 2 so it’s a bit different but I found the planned section recovery so different from emcs. Dh had taken 4 weeks off so he did all the lifting of dc1 for those weeks. I was signed off by dr to drive at 3.5 weeks and once dh went back to work I was driving and lifting both kids as normal.

I think not rushing into lifting dc1 helped. But I was able to play on the floor with him and pull him onto my knee for cuddles. A bedside cot helped with the new baby too. Good luck op!

I had dc by emcs and recovery was quick, dc2 was an elcs and recovery was dreadful, loads of infections because i did too much too soon. Dc3 and 4 were both elcs, and after learning the hard way i took the first 2 weeks to do as little as possible with the older dc and just concentrate on the baby. If the older dc wanted me it was cuddles on the sofa, no lifting and certainly no trying to do everyday jobs, that was what dh was for. Because of this dc3 and 4s recovery went very well and i was back to full functioning adult within 4 weeks.

I had a very similar experience with the same age gap. The key for me was to explain to DD1 over and over again what was going to happen and what mummy could and couldn't do, and that she would have a lovely baby to help look after. Set things up and 3 year old height so they can "help" with things like fetching nappies wipes etc.

And most importantly lower your standards! The world won't end if you don't do housework, baths daily and rely on Netflix more for a couple of weeks! DD1 loves snuggling in bed with me and DS1 (to be fair he was waking her up a lot so she was tired too).

It will be fine and it will get better fast

I had dd when ds was coming up to 3 and a half.
Dh had two weeks off, and I didn't do a lot in those two weeks, then mum stayed for a week so she took ds to preschool every day so I could lay in! ) but actually dealing with two was absolutely fine. I felt pretty normal when dh went back. The only thing I didn't do was pick him up til nearer 5 weeks. Baby in sling and going out etc was fine. Driving was fine around 5 weeks and tbh I could have driven before that. It was really fine.
I had a section with ds though so I roughly knew what was coming and the first 24-48 are quite a shock at how 'hit like a bus' you feel! It does pass pretty quickly.

@loulocket

Hi! Following with interest. I’ve just had my first DD 12 weeks old and suffered 3rd degree tear from forceps birth aswell. An already know I would want ELCS for 2nd and we didn’t want a massive age gap!!

Likely due to same reasons you do. Don’t want to risk further damage to thy area an the birth was traumatic! Not to mention at least how long recovery is after all of this..

Bit annoying the consultant saying it’s a mental thing. Partially could be true. I know I would be terrified to birth vaginally again in fear of the same thing happening and having to do this awful time all over again. Unless someone has been through that tough recovery. They can’t comprehend how it affects you physically and mentally. So you push for your cs if you have to!

I’m still on road to recovery and it’s a long old slog. Hoping to feel the new ‘normal’ down there eventually! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

I found i needed help for 6-8 weeks both times although by week 4 I was doing most things, just needed someone to be available to help with lifting. By week 6 I just needed help with the school run and someone who didn't mind being asked to come and lift my then 5 year old if needed as my go said I shouldn't lift him for the first 8 weeks. Both times I had a very poorly baby and older dc with sn so if you haven't got that it would probably be easier.

Thanks everyone for replying... really helpful to hear people's experiences.
@Anna2006 - I hope you feel the new normal soon aswell, 2 and half years in and my episiotomy scar is totally fine bit bumpy but I do still get some itching with the tear scar (not a good look itching down there!!).
I was very overwhelmed after birth, I felt "butchered" but found having the birth counselling service that hospital offered really useful and helped put to bed the idea that I hadn't tried hard enough!
My DH is really wanting an ELCS - I don't think he can deal with an ordeal again either however Im not sure how much time he would be able to be off work to help in those early weeks as he runs own business now.... I'm trying to remember that we all get through it somehow whatever happens but so different now thinking about it with a child already!!!

@loulocket butchered is exactly the correct term to use!! I too am going to birth reflections at the hospital in a few months and hope it helps me understand exactly why it ended up like that and I can lay all the feelings and emotions about it to rest.

I am feeling so much better than I even was 4/5 weeks ago so it just takes time and have to be patient with it all. There was no skipping out of the hospital that’s for sure!!

My DH said it was gruesome watching the end of the birth an I can understand your DH wanting an ELCS. It’s major surgery yes but we had to go into surgery with our tear anyway..albeit actually for hours so we were probabaly in there longer than we would be for a c section. An this has not been a fast recovery. So I think mentally you will be prepared for it. But the events running upto it will be calm and controlled. An you will come out with your baby feeling a million times better than you did with your first as you won’t struggle mentally to accept the events.

100% I will request ELCS next time. I want a positive birth experience.

Wishing you all the luck with whatever decision you decide!

I'm so glad your are on the road to recovery ... our experiences are really similar (also had to go to theatre!). DH and I had long chat and I'm definitely going to push for ELCS - and agreed that he would make sure he could be off with me for 3 weeks. Everything you said is spot on... you would be prepared, calmer, less tired going into the realms of sleepless nights again and overall control. And prepared for recovery which let's face it neither of us were first time!!!!
Thanks for everyone support and thoughts - I can always rely on the community!! Xx