Things you wish you had done the first time round before/right after child birth

[Pansy0926]

I’m just about to have my second child, and have been thinking about whether I would have done anything differently last time when I had DS1.

Firstly, I would have spent more time cuddling him and being in love with him in those first few hours and days in hospital. While I did love him and was immensely protective of him, there wasn’t this immediate rush of love, or special bond for weeks after his birth...and even though I couldnt help that, I really regret it. This time round, I plan to really savour the newborn stage.

Secondly, I’m going to make sure I really focus on those last few days or weeks with only DS1, and really enjoy him while we are still a family of three.

Other things too, like breastfeed right away instead of sitting around like a ninny waiting for someone to tell me what to do (note,it wasn’t long, and baby wasn’t hungry anyway but it might have helped the bond come sooner). Also,to not let myself take so much responsibility and make sure DH feels he is doing an equal amount of parenting so he feels confident with the baby (last time he was scared to be left alone in the house with him for months!).

Finally, in that first year I also would completely miss out any sort of baby class (sensory, music, singing etc). DS was completely uninterested, it was a waste of money, and he really was too young for socialising with other babies. We could have easily spent quality time at home for free. I now think those classes are more for the mums benefit anyway for socialising.

Anyway, I wonder if anyone else has some suggestions..lI’m sure we all made mistakes we don’t want to repeat, or things we wish we had done. I don’t plan on more children, so I want to make sure I don’t miss out on anything this time round.

I think they all sound like great plans. For me, it would be to really limit the amount of visitors in the first few weeks to close family only. Last time we had a constant stream of family, friends and midwives coming in and out, which was completely exhausting and very disruptive.

Hold her more. I didn't immediately bond, and I wish I had held her to me more in the hope we'd have bonded easier.
Persevere with breastfeeding.
Ask for more help with breastfeeding.
Done more groups/classes to help us bond.
Found a health visitor who could help me recognise and deal with PND.

To be honest, I would just wait & see how it goes. These all sound admirable but, until you have had DC2, you won't know what life is going to be like. I probably had similar intentions to you but DH was super busy at work at 2.5yo DD had to go to nursery etc so I didn't get as much time cuddling DS and gazing adoringly at him as I had planned knowing he was most likely going to be my last baby. In some ways, I did spend more time attached to him than anticipated as he was a limpet and so spend most of the time in the sling.
As for baby classes etc, I was as keen to socialise after DC2 as I was after DC1. I had a few more friends in the area (moved just before DC1 was born) but none of them had babies when DC2 was born so, if I hadn't socialised with them, I would have got very bored which undoubtedly would have led to depression issues

Lots of great intentions there. I'm due no 2 in a few months. I think my main intention this time is to try to avoid any expectations!

I think the first experience taught me that there was so much to the experience that I could never have really prepared for, but all my daydreams and fantasies about how I wanted it to be were definitely a hindrance to relaxing and enjoying, and in developing my own wisdom as a mum.

Fwiw, others may not feel the same, but I think that the whole 'instant rush of love' thing is vastly exaggerated and many mums I have spoken to honestly did not feel this. I think it's often something we as mums feel pressure to say or feel, believing it's what we are meant to feel. For me, there was euphoria and joy at meeting my little one, and love in one way, but I feel that the real love took time to develop, like it does in any relationship, with familiarity and going through ups and downs together.

There is evidence to support bf in the first hour contributing to overall success.

And I agree the groups are for the mums not the babies, I definitely needed them but is why I stuck to free ones that were local and ditched it if I didn't connect with others.

All the best for your labour - I keep hearing so many examples of it being easier second time but trying to keep my expectations low on that front too!!

Classes in the six months are definitely for mum but I needed them plus depending on your community/whether you go back to work or not, I think it can be easier to make friends for the children early. After six months I think it depends on your dc, ds really loved going out and watching other kids so started getting more from the groups.

I'm due number 2 in June. I didn't fill in the memory book stuff with ds because I had horrible pnd. I regret that.

Really lie in bed more for the six weeks after the birth, and do less washing (if possible). Ask for doctors help sooner if still have pains with stitches etc. And second time round you don’t let other people’s comments or suggestions unsettle you, you let them float off you.

I wish we'd taken more photos. Especially of dc1 when he was first born. I told dh I didn't want any of me naked and hair all over the place and he was born at home in the middle of the night so dh just snapped a couple of him in the Moses basket before we went to bed. My youngest was a c-section and I told dh to take loads of photos. We have about 300 of his first day and in quite a few i look terrible but I love them all.

Locked my door and closed my blinds. Traumatic labour which resulted in emergency admissions (both of us at different times) in the first two weeks after the birth. The visitors after this were over whelming...the worst day being 15 people between 10am and 1am the next morning!! With no breaks That plus the neighbour thinking my maternity leave meaning childcare for her children. I have ended up with PND and I feel all of this contributed.