2nd pregnancy lack of knowledge of first birth

[BarryTheKestrel]

Not sure if this is the best board to post this. Apologies if not.

I'm 16+3 with baby number 2. It's taken a while to get to this stage because I'm terrified of childbirth after my previous experience. However I realised recently how very little I actually know about my first birth other than how scared I was and how long it took and that I was taken to theatre for forceps and episiotomy and decided I should probably educate myself. (I did ask after the birth and have no idea if I was told and due to PPD and sleep deprivation I have no memory of it, or if I just never got a straight answer).

So I ordered my birth notes and have spoken to a consultant at the hospital (during an appointment for something else). I have since found out I was given synotocin for 6 hours, first administered when I was 8cm and continued until theatre admission, something I said I didn't want. That I had a severe anterior lip causing a lot of problems . That my baby was back to back. That I had a PPH. That despite asking for other drugs and them being prescribed according to my notes I was only given gas and air prior to the spinal in theatre and paracetamol and ibruprofen afterwards.

Is it normal to know so little about your labour and birth? I feel like I should have known most, if not all, of the above without having to spend £25 on my notes.

The consultant today has discharged me from his care as the issue they thought I had, I don't. Which is good. However he is the only person who has ever given me information straightforward when I've asked for it and validated my feelings of fear being empathetic regarding what to me was a very traumatic experience. I don't know where to go with this now. My midwife isn't very sympathetic , I'm seeing her on Monday but not sure what I actually want from her at this stage.

Sorry a lot of this is ramble, but is it normal to not know what happened previously? Or is that just me?

It isn't normal.
I had no memories at all of my first birth, it ended up as EMCS under General. I had no idea why, until at about 28weeks pregnant this time (10 years later!) when I asked a midwife what happened. Long story short, I've gone from no memories at all to flashbacks and a PTSD diagnosis. Very unlikely to be the case with you, but I would try and act now. Most hospitals offer a birth debrief service, essentially a sit down with a midwife that tells you what happened when and why. Sounds like that might answer all your questions!

It took me 10 months and an accidental debrief to discover why ds was born by emcs. I can remember very little about the entire experience which dh assures me is a blessing.

Number 2 is due in six weeks and at some point in this pregnancy I was offered the chance to go over my notes from number 1 if I wanted so it would be worth asking.

I'm going to talk to my midwife on Monday. I know my fears are getting the best of me and I need to understand everything properly to be able to go through this again.