I want my husband to support my choice

[YorkshireBee]

I had my first fight with my husband last night since we found out we're having our first baby. He's started reading a book about parenthood (written by a man, from the dad's perspective) and started talking about how labour never goes to plan and whatever your birth plan, you should go into it expecting everything to go wrong.
I'm pretty clear in my mind that I'm going to want an epidural. I'm not good with pain, hospitals, health stuff generally, so the easier I can make it on myself, the better I feel about the whole thing. When I told him this, he said I couldn't know that now, that I should wait until I have all the info and have spoken to the midwife (I have done A LOT of research prior to even considering having a baby!), and that I should be more open minded.
This terrified me - he's been very supportive in the pregnancy so far, but I suddenly felt like, as my birthing partner, I might not have him on side to make sure I get what I feel I need during labour. I also felt judged by him for not wanting to go the natural route.
Maybe I over-reacted - I'm only second trimester so there's a long way to go yet. But part of me thinks he should just be supportive. Even if he thinks I'll change my mind later, who cares?
What do you think?

Your labour your choice 100% he doesn’t get an opinion on your birth plan. He’s right in the sense that it’s unpredictable and may not go to plan but there’s no point worrying about it. My first I had an epidural whereas my second was such a super fast delivery I didn’t get the chance for any intervention and had to go drug free in the bath in the birthing suite.

I think you were a little over sensitive if all he said was wait til you talk to your mw before you make a final decision. I think that's fair enough. Of course, only you heard the tone of voice etc, and if he was being a patronising arse.

He is right in one respect - birth plans can't guarantee anything. You might progress really quickly and not have time for an epidural - having one amongst frequent contractions was NOT fun.

Just tell him yoi obviously will talk to mw but this is what you think at this moment and you need to know he will support your choices as you are delivering the large thing through a small thing not him so its ultimately your choice

Sounds like a storm in a teacup - he's right in that you can't predict labour and should have an open mind going in, he's wrong in that he could have just thought that and shut up about it, as fighting about it will will have exactly zero impact on what actually happens on the day

Actually, read up on epidural and see if your hospital offer mobile epidural. It may be that you don't want a standard epidural but not for the reasons he says.

Think along the lines of: Standard epidural = stuck lying on bed = baby can't get into good position = assisted delivery / cesarean [can] = milk coming in later in more difficult births if BFing.

I'm specifically looking at not having an epidural / only a proper mobile epidural for this reason (DC1 lost 11% of birth weight as it took 6 days for milk to come through) but I know our hospital offer mobile epidurals. Not all do.

Should he support you in what you want? Absolutely. And I think he's picked the wrong battle here - I could understand his point if you wanted a home birth or a water birth and his reading has told him you might not get this, but "I want all pain relief on offer to me" really isn't one he should be arguing against, but supporting you to investigate further.

You will be the one going through labour, so decisions regarding pain relief are yours and yours alone to make. If you want certain pain relief options then his role is to support you in that.

He could just be spouting forth idealism from his book. When you are actually in labour hopefully he will realise that idealism is just what it is, and either support you properly or at least shut up.

Yes he should support you and your choices. Show him a melon and tell him to imagine pushing it through his bum without painkillers.
You may change your mind when you're in labour but you may not. Your body your choice.

It would be more useful if he read up on how to look after a baby.

Ok, if he was telling you not to have an epidural - not on.
Telling you to have an open mind and not get fixated on a particular plan - sound advice imo.

You may be too far on to get an epidural, the doctor may be delayed in getting to you etc. But of course put it on your plan