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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did you inform your NDN that you were having a home birth?

40 replies

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:14

Live in semi detached property that shares an alley way to our gardens. I have seen my neighbours in the garden a few times and said good morning etc but that is the entire extent of our relationship. They are quite reserved and so are we which is all fine and good.
However I am planning to have a homebirth and was wondering if people generally tell their neighbours that that is going to be happening?
What is the etiquette here? Im not really on chatting terms with them so not sure how to approach it or if I need to say anything? Note through the door apologising in advance for any noise maybe?

What have other people done in this situation?
I dont want them to ring the police thinking someone is being murdered in the night!!

Thanks!

OP posts:

FlyingCat · 18/04/2018 20:19

Get dh/dp to tell them at the time if it gets too noisy... the noise of a baby is going to be considerably more over the next few years.

Otherwise none of their business!

Good luck with the homebirth plan - i’m so jealous, with my two high risk pgs it wasn’t a good idea for me but otherwise would have done it like a shot!

DelphiniumBlue · 18/04/2018 20:20

I think I may have mentioned it to one, as she was a nurse, and I was worried that The baby ( number 3) might be born very quickly, and I might have needed her helping an emergency!
But otherwise, I wouldn't unless I was close enough to them to be discussing birth plans.
Presumably your neighbours will have noticed that you are pregnant, and so if they do hear anything, they'll have a pretty good idea of what s going on!

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 18/04/2018 20:21

Its not always a noisy affair , if things do get noisy just get dp to pop around and explain whats happening

Original poster

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:23

haha well I think most people know what the noise of a baby is whereas the blood curdling screams of a grown woman may alert some attention and concern!!

Thankyou hopefully it all goes to plan... knowing my luck ill end up in hospital anyway but its good to try and do it how you want. Am classed as low risk thankfully... well so far anyway am 30 weeks so could still all go tits up and I have to go in! x

OP posts:

doleritedinosaur · 18/04/2018 20:24

I live in a terraced house, Neighbour who knew was out & other Neighbour had no idea when they popped around a few days later & saw the newborn.

Original poster

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:24

Okay thanks maybe im being a bit over anxious about the noise. I never hear them at all so maybe are walls are quite thick. i just didnt want to be worrying about it in labour x

OP posts:

Whatdoiladymcbeth · 18/04/2018 20:24

I would maybe mention it prior to, in case you don’t want DP to leave you during the birth. Good luck!

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 18/04/2018 20:25

I didn't but that's lack of thought rather than deliberate! Suggest if you do go into labour in the afternoon, you have a note ready for your DH to stick through next door's letterbox. Good luck, I loved my homebirth!

Original poster

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:30

Thankyou! x

OP posts:

TheChiefBMS · 18/04/2018 20:31

I had a home birth with DS2. I never told the neighbours because it never entered my head. They said they never heard a thing. I thought I was loud but exH and midwives said I wasn't - more grunting and straining than screaming. You probably won't be as noisy as you imagine either.

AprilShowers16 · 18/04/2018 20:32

I told my neighbours but I was on good terms with them and told them more in conversation than to notify them. One neighbour was very excited and offered to come over and help if needed 😆

Rockandrollwithit · 18/04/2018 20:34

I didn't have home births for either of mine (one forceps, one ELCS) but it may not be noisy. I was completely silent throughout my labour with DS1. Even the thought of making any noise made me hurt more. I wasn't being silent due to any kind of principle or so as not to disturb others, it just really worked for me.

DairyisClosed · 18/04/2018 20:35

It's not like in the movies. I didn't make any noise through either of my births beyond tennis play style grunts every now and then when I pushed very hard. I did hear a few women screaming (not for that long thlugh) but the majority were nice and quiet. I would assume that they were scared/thought that that was what they were supposed to do/refused pain relief of any kind whatsoever and had significantly worse pain than the vast majority of people ever experience. If you male lots of noise when in pain or uncomfortable/you are scared of giving birth then mayve you will scream but if you have a normal response to regular pain then I doubt it will sound like you are being murdered.

Original poster

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:45

I felt like I was screaming loads in labour with my son in hospital! Not always with pain but I felt like shouting helped me... sadly for the midwives who had to listen to it.
I guess you do probably feel like you are making more noise than you actually are.
Like I said I never hear them at all, not even tv or doors closing. These are quite old houses with thick walls so perhaps I am worrying about nothing!

I guess ill play it by ear at the time then and I can send my DH over if its going on ages and im really yelling!! Or even just leave them a note of apology when its over with!

OP posts:

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 18/04/2018 23:38

(Literally realised towards the, ahem, business end that the window was open, NDN had builders in, I was mooing like a cow. Could not have given less of a shit. Seriously, you are doing the most nails/brilliant thing ever, embrace it

Moltenpink · 18/04/2018 23:41

I would do. I ended up moaning with all the windows open and an ambulance parked outside (all was fine though).

Good luck, it was the best decision I have made.

squarecorners · 18/04/2018 23:46

Aren't you supposed to moo like a cow? That's what my doula told me to do. I think it did help. I can't remember being very "aaaaarrgh" except for earlier on before I went into hospital.

sycamore54321 · 19/04/2018 14:51

What is the sound proofing between your houses normally like? Can you hear a pin drop in their living room, or do you never hear a thing from their side? I'd let that guide me I think.

i have I say though I'm somewhat mind boggled about you choosing to forego effective pain relief and still reasoning you'll be making new blood curdling screams like you're being murdered. Most women seem to convince thenselves the pain won't be as bad as they fear, which is the entire premise of hypnobirth etc, and so they're happy not to have an epidural option available because they don't anticipate being in murderous-scream-worthy pain.

What were previous births like for you?

On a practical note, when you mention alleyways, is there good access for an ambulance to your home?

LadyPug · 19/04/2018 18:15

Haha I can recognise a comment from sycamore now without even seeing her name! Lurking on the childbirth boards and telling everyone they are mad not to have a hospital birth (agenda much?!). I’m having a home birth by the way and I’m a VBAC and I haven’t told my neighbours! It’ll be grand! Good on you! :-)

SundayLunchHappy · 20/04/2018 07:29

We did! Ours are good friends though so knew baby was imminent. They directed the midwives to the back door and all sorts! They said they very much heard me roar my ds out in the last hour but lay in bed so excited and happy for us to hear the cries of a newborn. I had a hb for my first four weeks ago and loved it. Good luck!

TittyGolightly · 20/04/2018 07:32

Told all the neighbours - I was planning on being outside.

SundayLunchHappy · 20/04/2018 07:33

Also I might add we live in a mid terrace (neighbours on other side have two knocked into one and bedrooms on far side so don’t hear us but knew also). So side alley way and front door onto road. No issue with risk assement when the midwife came to do our home check.

The8thMonth · 20/04/2018 07:34

Had two home births, one in a flat and one in a semi detached home. I never told either neighbor and received no complaints. In fact, they were surprised I had them mouth at home as no one heard anything. I didn't think I was quiet and certainly made no effort to be super quiet. I suspect in my head I was louder than I actually was. You'll be fine and I wouldn't mention it to neighbors unless they are friends you would tell anyways.

justabunchofbunting · 20/04/2018 09:46

Oh Tottygolightly did you manage to have your outside? I was thinking I wanted to have mine in the garden but havent mentioned it yet as was thinking it would not go down well and be considered too mental!
I just want to be calm and I was thinking the calmest place for me is the garden! Would be very interested to hear how that went for you. x

BalloonFlowers · 20/04/2018 09:51

No, because we weren't planning a home birth.
But the ambulance with sirens going turning up and sitting outside for an hour told the whole neighbour hood something was going on, and most guessed it was the arrival of DS2 - he arrived 30seconds after the ambulance. It's not a recommended birth plan!

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