Experience of childbirth with tokophobia?

[Tiffaliffers]

Hi everyone, new to mumsnet and this is my first post although I have been lurking for a while and found it to be an immense source of helpful information and support. I'll start off by saying I am not pregnant but hoping to TTC in the next 1/2 years.

For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from a fear of childbirth, most likely brought on by mine and my brother's birth (both CS due to mum's pre-eclampsia) as well as a lifelong barrage of televised births whether real or fictional which I completely understand bears no resemblance to the real thing but for the longest time, I swore I would never have children and would be content with mothering cats and dogs.

Upon my meeting my now DH, I made him aware of these fears but in spite of this, we tentatively decided that we wanted children. Now that we are in the process of buying a house and paying attention to things like the nearest school's Ofsted rating, it is all becoming a bit more real!

I have obsessively researched just about everything that can go wrong in a birth (which doesn't help, I know!!) and my intention would be to in the first instance try for a water birth but if complications arise, request a C-Section under GA due to my anxiety. The thought of being awake knowing what they are doing makes me feel physically sick now, so I can only imagine how I would be made to feel at the time.

I am just reaching out to see if any of you out there have successfully gone through the process in spite of your fears, what your experience was, and any recommendations you have to deal with it. Thanks in advance! :)

Hi Tiff,

I have, I’m tokophobic and currently pregnant with my second. Happy to answer any questions or help. What I will say is that the thought of it was worse than the reality for me personally

Go to obstetric anaesthetic association as they have good info re GA section. It's not without risk.
When you do get pregnant make sure they know to refer you to the anaesthetic clinic.

I think it depends on what your fear specifically is. I am very scared of giving birth in hospital so I had a home birth for DC1 and am having another for DC2. I found the home birth obviously challenging (in a good way) but I feel like I actually had a really good experience with it. The home birth midwives here practice a hands off approach and usually just like to observe which made me very relaxed and calm during DC1's birth. My second choice is a c section over birth in the hospital.

I am actually looking forward to DC2 being born at home and feel very positive about it.

Stop watching anything about childbirth now, it's unrealistic and clearly is upsetting you. As you aren't pregnant have you considered counselling? You have a lot of time to work through your fears and there's no need to get pregnant until you're ready.

Thefatfunnyone on instagram has this and has recently given birth, she talked about it a lot, you may want to check out her profile.

Thank you ladies for your replies!

Ladypug Wow that is amazing, congratulations! In what ways did you find it better than expected? Is there anything specific you did to prepare, such as hypnobirthing?

BadlyParkedRangeRover I realise it can be very risky for both me and the baby and the thought of dying under GA also freaks me out, but the idea of going to sleep and waking up with my baby is quite comforting. That and it would be a controlled experience but I know CS has its potential for complications and the recovery can take longer.

GummyGoddess Like you, the thought of giving birth in a hospital and feeling out of control/at the mercy of others terrifies me but I also worry about not having doctors around if something went wrong if that makes sense. I am an anxious person at the best of times and really dread anything medical - in fact I think that birth is often over-medicalised and some women fare better being left to get on with it. That is not to say I don't believe in medical intervention but forceps or an episiotimy would be the worst outcome for me. I would prefer to go straight for a CS.

I also fear the potential after effects of birth such as incontinence, prolapse, pain during sex... my own MIL told me once that DH ripped her hole to hole and 27 years later, sex still hurts. It sounds selfish but that is not a part of my relationship I would want to give up. I actually have booked a counselling session with a birth trauma specialist who herself suffered a difficult birth but had a successful second child using hypnobirthing.

BlackHillsofDakota Thank you for the recommendation, I will look her up! I think positive first hand experiences would really help, even if every birth is different.

Hi OP,

I developed tokophobia after one of those horrible traumatic births with my first. I had an elective section for my second (not under GA) and I found it very calm and expected.