Bad first birth worried for trying again

[tmh88]

Basically with my first birth it all went very wrong! I was induced 12 days after my due date at 11am and had said I felt like my contractions was starting almost instantly! I still got sent home from the hospitals as there was no beds and they said I weren't "far along enough" I went back to the hospital at 1:30pm begging for pain relief and they said if they gave me anything now it would of worn off by the time I had him I said to them if he's not coming now then I really can't do this I need an epidural etc and they laughed and said we've all been there your fine but you won't be dilated enough yet and my waters hadn't broken to cut a long story short I was 9cm dilated and my waters didn't break till I really started pushing.. still on a ward really embarrassing full of other mums! I was then rushed up in a wheelchair pushing, my partner had to run to the car to fetch the bags as they wouldn't let him bring them in because of space.. anyway when I finally said I needed some diamoorphine they said I had left it too late and that baby will be out in the next hour.. I then had an horrific birth (shoulder dystocia) and had about 10 people around my bed in minutes pulling out the baby and taking him straight to resuscitation they had to push on my stomach trying to stop the blood and had to put me on a drip to help my uterus contract back and stop the bleeding so for another 4 hours I want through contractions again.. unable to feed my baby, hold him or anything it really felt like I a rushed birth and like I weren't listened too in the first place I know if something like that (shoulder dystocia) would of happened whether or not I had the pain relief but I am traumatised from the pain of having them pull him out (she had to put her arms up whilst someone pushed on my stomach to dislodge him!) Luckily we are both happy and healthy but I always dreamed of more children and now I am petrified of the thought of the birth! I know it's still early days little boy is nearly 6 months but I don't think I'll ever get over the fear to have another! Anyone been through anything similar and had another?

Dont want to read and run
Just having cuppa will come back with my story

Ps i had horrific first birth. Rushed to theatre.
Im now expecting my 4th 😁

Hi tmh, that sounds horrible and I don’t know why they refuse to listen to 1st time mums! I had PPH after my 1st. It was horrific and I remember looking at my dh holding our beautiful ds and thinking I’m never going to see them again. I did get pregnant again and didn’t enjoy the pregnancy at all because I felt so worried and guilty. I was convinced I was going to die. I saw a really unhelpful consultant who was really unsupportive and belittled my fears. I then went into labour and it was so different than the 1st time. The midwives trusted that I knew my body they let me come in straight away. I’d written on my plan that I was really scared. And the midwife read it and said, don’t really it’s really unlikely to happen again and we’re here. And it was at that moment I relaxed and the delivery was fine. Stuff still went wrong but I could manage it emotionally. And the a few hours later we were discharged.
I wish I had spoken to someone understanding about my fears. I think if I’d had some reassurance earlier it would have been so much better for me and I would have enjoyed my pregnancy!
All the best for number 2!

Goodness it's awful isn't it! I was really upset by how ignored I was and all they could say to justify it happening after was that baby was too big for me and my labour was too fast! Like you the guilt of something happening to me 2nd time round makes me feel selfish for having another!! 😩 Thankyou for a really honest opinion it's nice to im not the only one as I had a really inconsiderate midwife the next day who said I have been here 30 years and never seen a shoulder dystocia and I never want too you're both very lucky! I was then even more traumatised!! 😩 Glad you and all your babies are well!! ❤️

I can't believe they sent you home after being induced. That's shocking.

I had a traumatic birth with my first. It was hideous and 44 hours of pure hell.

When I was pregnant with my second and still clearly traumatised I was offered postnatal debriefing and counselling.

My second birth wasn't great either. But the midwives listened to me more and understood why i was a wreck when it seemed like the second was heading the way of the first.

Even though by most people's standard the second birth was bad it felt like it cleansed me a little bit. And I feel that I can let the trauma go.

[Flowers]

I'm sorry to hear you had such a traumatic time. You sound like you have been through a lot and it's very hard to process these things, especially if you go in first time so hopeful of a positive experience. I won't go into the ins and outs I went through with my first but I was extremely anxious about having another and when I got pregnant again I cried at every midwife appt about the impending birth. I was such a wreck. Anyway, I agreed to a birth debrief which I don't think helped me, more like reliving every terrifying moment and more, but I know it helps some people so look into that and get in touch with your midwife team to do that. I ended up having an elective C section for my second and it was so lovely and calm and totally positive so if you really feel unable to do the birth bit again don't be afraid to vocalise it. The staff were incredibly understanding and I could finally stop spending my whole pregnancy worrying rather than enjoying it. I'm now on my third pregnancy and considering what to do but I think I'll probably have another c section. And it feels the right choice for me and my baby and that's the important thing.

Thankyou all for your replies 💕 Also worried because I had to see a physio after the birth at the hospital once I week only until about 3 months after but worried of going through it all again. Thankyou all for again for sharing 💕

No advice but was just about to post a similar question when I saw this thread! Had an horrific labour with DD1 - had to be induced at 33 weeks and labour took 4 days. (Why they didn’t give me a caesarean I don’t know). Ended up haemorrhaging and losing 3 litres of blood after I had given birth.

Am now pregnant with DC2 and petrified of labour. I don’t want to hijack your thread OP but I too am interested to know if anyone who had an horrific first labour went on to have a good second one?

My second birth was a shambles born of being ignored, not enough beds and last minute panic when it all went wrong. We both nearly died, in hospital for ages.

I've already been referred to the consultant for an elcs for this baby and I'm not 12 weeks yet. Am I fuck trusting them again. I'll cut it out myself before i trust another midwife.

Hi, I had a horrible birth with my first and deeply traumatised. It took me 5 years to contemplate having another child. I’m 26 weeks pregnant now and my c section dar was booked at 17 weeks. Since then I have completely relaxed. Everyone I spoken to midwife, consultant midwife, consultant obstetrician and trauma midwife person have been nothing. It fantastic. Amazing support and not one person has tried to “talk me out of it”.

Hi OP,

I have come on here tonight to post something very similar! When I had my DD, the 'labour' part was fine for me - went to hospital at eleven, and had her in the afternoon, all smooth going... until just after she was born. My placenta got stuck, I had a haemorrhage, and my uterus wouldn't contract. So rushed to theatre etc. Very unexpected. I had a consultant debrief when DD was about 4 months and it made me feel a lot better. I want another baby so badly but I am terrified that it will all happen again.

In the end, I think my desire to have one more will (hopefully) lead to a second child, but I can imagine I will be so anxious all the way through. Hoping for some good news stories here!

Hi @tmh88
I also had a traumatic birth with a 5 day induction process ending up in theatre. I consequently got an infection in my episiotomy wound which meant I was immobile for much longer than I should have been.
Second time around if I’m lucky enough to have another I will ask about a c section straight away.

Thankyou everyone 💕 hopefully with a bit more time I will get over my fear and likely to have a c-section I think! Hope you and all your babies are well ❤️