chances of tearing second time around

[beforesunrise]

i had my first baby 15 months ago. wonderful ntural birth which resulted in 2nd degree tear (i just couldn't not push when told to slow down and she came out in one push). so far so ok. they took hours to find someone to stithc me up, and i don't know if that's the reason but i ended up having an overgranulated scar whcih gave me a lot of trouble (was red and oozing all the time and quite sensitive to the touch). went to see a private consultant who did a repair a year ago. i haven't had any problems since, but the other day i decided to have a little look and was shocked to see that i have almost no perinaeum left!!! i swear it must be something like 2 cm. dh and i have decided to try for no 2 and i am now absoltuely terrified of tearing again, and, because of the little perinaeum i have left, i am horrified it will result in a 3rd degree this time.

am i being completely unreasonable? has anyone else experienced something similar? any tips on how to deal with this fear whcih may be totally irrational?

am giong to see the consultant who did the repair in 3 weeks to get some reassurance- but in the meantime i need to put my mind at rest.

thanks in adance.

My mw saved me from tearing too badly with dd and ds2 by getting me to 'cough' them out - staying upright and not pushing, just coughing!!! Sounds mad, and I did tear a bit, but no stitches or anything. I did have 2nd degree tear with ds1.

Definitely talk to your consultant and mw!

both of mine were fine, 1st one was badly grazed and 2nd was fine. but saying all this 1st was a water birth, apparently helps she was 8lb 2 34cm head and 12 months later had 2nd daughter on all fours on the floor(gravity helps ) and no tearing or grazes but she was only 6lb 12 and 33cm head, i think it does all depend on weight etc and how you birth.. you should look into having an active birth or water birth, they say rubbing oil on peranium helps. thing is every birth, woman and baby is different i was scared 2nd time around and i honestly felt like someone just handed her over to me. the first one i couldn't wee for 3 weeks with out crying and dreading it...
i also drank rosemary leaf tea in last 2 weeks of preg it is supose to help soften up and prepare that part for baby, worth trying everything! also your small gap should help.

my ds1 was over 9lb and I had 2nd degree tear, ds2 was 8lb 7 and I came away with just a graze, so i'm not sure you'll know before it happens IYSWIM

DD1 was 6lbs 3ozs and I had a second degree tear, like you it was a combination of pushing like mad, rubbish MW and her hand was by her face

DD2 9lbs 3ozs and just a graze, MWs knew me (homebirth) knew about the tear and when they saw the scar starting to "go" they calmed everything down and protected it whilst she came out.

I too was like you scared of tearing again as the repair was almost as bad as the birth but in the end it was fine.

I have been left the opposite to you ie I have an extra flap of skin with a hard ridge on it (sorry if TMI) my geography down there has definately changed, sometimes I do feel a bit but DP says he doesn't mind but if I had the money I would have a nip tuck.

Beforesunrise,

I'm not sure if my advice will put your mind at rest or not.

I had an episiotomy with my 5 year old and a second degree tear and episiotomy with my 2 year old.

I had a fear of tearing before both births because I am quite petite and my DH is quite large and I just had a (correct) feeling that the babies would be large. There are all kinds of reasons why a baby may struggle to come out- too large, wrong position and you do need to think about the consequences of this.

For me, the control and medical supervision of an episiotomy is preferable to the rather randum nature of a tear.

In my particular case, both the tears and the cut healed very well and quickly. However, I have read some very helpful posts on MN from women who were not so fortunate.

I think you are doing the right thing speaking to a consultant. They are the experts and will be able to examine your body to see what suits you.

Planning a homebirth for any day now. Midwife told me that giving birth in water and giving birth on all fours are the two best ways to avoid tearing.

Also have done hypnobirthing which encourages "breathing" the baby out, no pushing at all. Your body can do all the work.

Lastly, you can do lots of perineal massage on the few weeks leading up to your due date and that should help too.

hi beforesunrise

I have a 3 year old DD and am now 6 wks pregnant. I too am worried more than scared of tearing again. With my DD I was on a beanbag (so upright all the way) and had a 2nd degree minor(?) tear. DD was 6lbs 5oz but felt like she just slipped out and the midwife never told me to stop pushing. I think this time around (being more informed) I will do perineal massage and ask midwives to tell me when to stop or to protect the scar for me. Well done for going to see your consultant for advice!