Discussing birth choices at booking appointment

[BarryTheKestrel]

I have my booking appointment for DC2 tomorrow afternoon and since I found out I was pregnant I've been consumed with fear and memories of DDs birth.

I labored for 24 hours at home, then attended hospital at 5cm but with waters intact. There was limited progression but a lot of pain and waters were broken manually 8 hours later, meconium in waters. I had gas and air but was constantly put off any other pain relief. 5 hours later I start pushing but nothing happens, DD has a head monitor attached and is in distress. Still only gas and air. No progression so another hour passes and I'm taken to theater, spinal block, episiotomy, forceps delivery. I lost a lot of blood and consciousness for a while.

DD was then very poorly that first night after DH was sent home and there was talk of airlifting to a specialist children's hospital 80 miles away. Luckily this wasn't necessary and 4 days later we were allowed home.

My episiotomy healed incredibly slowly, around 3 months rather than the 6 weeks they say. Since I have had issues with granulation of the scar and an issue with my Skene ducts due to this. It has been a very uncomfortable 3 years that has caused significant issues with me and DH relationship.

Now, I'm terrified. I have my booking appointment tomorrow and I don't know what I want. I think I want to request an ELCS however I don't want to be away from DD for any longer than necessary. I would be open to a vaginal birth if I could guarantee that I wouldn't need intervention or stitches or anything else. But if there was an issue I would kick myself that I didn't push for a ELCS.

Anyone else been in a similar situation, conflicted by past experience and wanting better?

I can't remember if this is even discussed at booking but I would assume so, so I want to be prepared with what I'm going to say when asked.

I had an emcs after a long labour and failed forceps where hallucinations featured heavily and at booking the midwife asked. Ds also ended up in NICU and I had a massive mental health breakdown so really don't want a repeat of that this time.

So far they've all been positive with regards to an elective (possibly helped by my emcs) and apparently assuming that I'm okay and the baby is okay, we can go home the day after he/she is born as I don't want to be away from ds for too long either.

I would think if she doesn't bring it up, you could. Although there is a whole section on previous pregnancies/births.

I was scared second time round so I did some hypno birthing. It calmed me down a lot. You can do it yourself at home. I wouldn’t recommend a cs unless you have to (can you even request one without a medical need?) it’s not easy especially when you already have another child to run round after.

I'm going to have a chat with her tomorrow if she doesn't bring it up. I've been thinking about it all day and my head is mush.

I've thought about the potential of recovery and honestly, last time I couldn't walk more than a few feet or sit for very long for 3 months due to stitches and poor recovery. I'm willing to take my chances with a c section recovery if they'll allow it. Maternal request after a difficult first birth, mentally or physically is possible so definitely going to have a talk about it.

I will say that after said emcs + 75 hours of back to back contractions + failed forceps, I got up and dressed within 5 hours and was walking unassisted and unsupported the length of the hospital within 24 hours. Was pushing a trolley around Costco within 6 days and the pram around tropical glass houses within 10 days. I was exercising within 3 months.

Yes, recovery will vary but I wasn't particularly fit or young.

Although is there a chance that another vaginal birth would help improve/fix your issues with the granulation?

My first birth was very like yours - my second was completely different -I still went for vb for the reasons you are considering but would not have consented to forceps unless emcs was truly too late. All was good and birth was fine - I needed a very few stitches though. I would try and have a discussion with your midwife and would expect them to support you with an elcs if that is what you conclude you want but second births can be very different.

I had a traumatic first birth ended in a long and painful labour after being induced on the drip and baby ending in distress so rushed for EMCS after 29 hours.

I discussed and ELCS with midwife with second pregnancy but opted for a VBAC in the end with the proviso that if ANYTHING were to go even slightly off course I'd be taken for a c section immediately. Turns out when I went into labour I had a nasty uterine infection which had spread to baby. They talked about inducing me again and I just said No. take me for a section now. So they did.

You could always opt for vaginal delivery with immediate c section if intervention is needed. Though with such a traumatic first birth you should be well justified in requesting an ELCS.

I had a very similar first birth. I was classified as high risk (mainly due to PPH) and had an appt with the consultant to discuss birth options. In my trust that doesn't happen until 34 weeks, the wait was stressful!

I had no problem getting an ELCS and honestly it was so much better. I have postive memories of DS2 being born and the recovery was easier than for DS1. Remember that NICE guidelines state you are entitled to an ELCS if you want one. I had nothing but support in my decision but I know all trusts are different.

I had a really good chat with her about it and we are going to discuss in more detail at my next appointment. She was very adement that as a low risk pregnancy I should go for a vaginal birth. I've told her I'm happy to consider it, but at the first sign of an issue or talk of induction I'll be having a c-section. She seemed OK with this compromise however I'm going to push it again at the next appointment. DH is also fully aware of my wishes and is more than prepared to advocate for me should it get to a stage where I am unable to do so.

Good plan.

Sounds exactly like my second birth. Hopefully yours will go smoothly with no need for intervention