Can people say something different about labour???

[Elisareven]

So I just want some one to tell me something different......
I keep getting told it'll feel like period cramps and back ache......okay thats great but I was lucky enough to never really have cramps.during my periods so don't really know what that feels like.....and I've had back ache since I was 19 and fell off a horse which has beem progressively worsening my whole pregnancy.

The other one is "oh you'll know the pain is horrid" thats awesome but I went to school.for a week with an arm broken in 4 places before I realised I went to hospital because 'it didn't hurt that bad'.

I really don't know what anyone else can tell me but I feel so unprepared. I have no idea what to expect which makes me super nervous and then everytime I get a twinge Ifind myself wondering what is going on.

Take today for example. The baby has been moving loads, everytime I sit resting back on my sofa he is wriggling around like a gooden with feet poking out all over the place. At the same time I'm getting a sharp pain that feels like it could almost be in my kidneys. My hips are killing me so much so that I cannot put them together enough to cross one leg over the other. Everything feels swollen around thd pubic bine etc.

So really I guess I just have no idea what is going on and as a first time mum I have felt very much that 90% of pregnancy knowledge is left down to looking it up on the interent.

Has anybody else been in this position that could give me some advice? Or just tell me about their experiences??

The contractions come closer and closer together and get pretty wild in terms of the pain level. You also have that mega cramp low down in the gut - as if you're gonna 💩 yourself. And you may well do. You could describe active labour like bands of severe intense pain round your lower abdomen - you'll also have a sort of startling gut feeling that it's happening. Guess that's the adrenaline. Waters breaking is a big sign too. And the mucus plug coming away. And the fact that you can't talk easily anymore during the contractions due to the pain. It becomes overwhelming and very intense. But, you know, it's 'pushing with a purpose' and with the pain comes excitement so it isn't all awful/scary.

I found it really unexpected. From what people had told me I had expected period like cramps further up in my belly and some sort of tightness. Also expected a gap between contractions.
It truthfully most felt like having a severe case of the shits... thats the closest I could describe it! And there was no clear breaks in my contractions. The pain was also really low down and across my back.
I found it hard to deal with and the things that actually helped really surprised me... I was expecting it to be the hard drugs that helped the most but I found that the gas and air and pethidine didnt do much for me. What helped were things like low lighting and music playing that I could focus on. Because I hadnt realised that I hadnt brought much music with me. I had thought all that type of thing was airy fairy hippy nonesense but this time around Ive ordered all the hypno birthing stuff and designed a playlist and want a water birth!!

The best advice I can give you is to be prepared to be unprepared!

No matter what people tell you about their experiences, yours will be different.

You'll feel different, your pain levels will be different, the length of your labour and the different stages will be different.

And - it's impossible for people to describe to you the level of pain they may or not have experienced. We all tolerate pain differently!

(And add on to that the whole difference of experience of levels of midwife/nurse/doctor care ...)

One thing is for sure. You will give birth!

Try and relax, and try to lower the level of any expectations you have. As a first time mum, who knows what's going to happen.

As far as you can, go with the flow and try and enjoy the experience

For me the 'bad case of the shits' analogy comes closest. In particular, an episode of campylobacter. Except the peak pain level was much stronger. For me very painful for the last 30 minutes or so but not so bad. Crowning is weird and stingy understatement but I found thee contraction bit more intense.

I feel so unprepared.

I'm so sorry, love. Yes, I'm not surprised you feel unprepared. Because really the advice/information/preparation offered to expectant mothers is pretty non-existent in any useful way.

I had the same thing. And my first delivery was like a car-crash situation. So for my second baby I looked up what they do in the wild, how they go through labour and birth, and I decided I would try to do the same. And it worked. So, here's the low-down:

(and some of this stuff they sort of try to tell you in a wishy-washy way, but not clearly enough) (so listen to me : )

Labour has various sections to it. As follow:

The onset:
This could happen in a few ways, and/or in a combination of the ways.
So, with my first, I had a bath around midnight (had the urge for some reason) and in the bath I literally heard and felt a popping sensation and that was the mucus plug going, and then I stood up and a load of hot water, a little bit sort of orangey in colour, came out. I started shaking with absolute terror really and was taken off to the hospital.

With my second, I woke up at 8am and thought 'hmm, even though I love being pregnant, maybe I've had enough of it now' and then I had a show, which is a bit of sort of blood coming out (sorry for tmi but I think you need to know). I think when the plug goes, sometimes you get a bit of blood as well, especially if the cervix is delicate (mine was second time around).

With my first, contractions started within 2 hours of waters going.
With my second, show happened about 8am and contractions started around 3.30pm. My waters then came out in small gushes about every 30 mins or so. Again very hot!

Now, that's the first bit. And if all the waters go at once, you're on a ticker, because the baby can't be left in there too long after that - I think ideally not more than about 24 hours.

Next bit:
First stage of labour.
Think about the purpose of it. The set of muscles basically around your middle squeeze in order to open up the cervix so the baby can get out.

This can take a few hours, and often does. So as long as possible, just stay at home and do the ironing/make a sandwich/do whatever is upright and distracting for you, and reassuring. Just calm yourself. Yes, it's started. Conserve your energy. Think about how you and the baby are going to work together on this one. Your body is designed to do this. It's what it's made to do. If it's the first time, it's all new to you. But it will do its job. I mean, you didn't know how to conceive, did you? And it did that. Without your interference : ) So just trust it. Go with it. Support it. Be strong.

In this stage, you will get a tight squeezing round the middle of your tummy. This will happen initially quite far apart - every 20 mins or so. It will be a quick squeeze - completely ok - and then stop and you'll have a big break.

As it gets into the groove, the squeezes will be more frequent, a big longer, and a bit stronger. Keep doing the ironing. Ignore it.

In fact, the more you can ignore it, the better it will go.

Sorry I have to go now but the rest later!!! Don't go into labour yet ; )

Time goes very quickly and yes to the pp who said you go into a zone and can get quite zen.

Also it is entirely possible to go from 0-100 mph even with your first. I did. In fact both of my labours started up with a bang. I didn't have the build up with either of them. Also very quick with both of them. 4 hours for the first, Just under 2 for the second.

Also also, that cliche of "you forget the pain" was oh so true for me.

Oh yeah it really bloody hurts, you’ll think to yourself “they said it was like period pains” IT IS NOT LIKE PERIOD PAINS.

Both of mine were back to back so I never really felt any stomach cramps etc. It was more like incredible pressure in my back. I dilate very fast....my second after less than 50 mins from my first pain I was 7 cm. And baby arrived an hour later. I had no pain relief. Nothing heroic but the epidural didn't work neither did the gas. 2/3 pushes and they were out. I didn't feel any pain or burning...i did feel a sort of pop which I later realised was me tearing but that was after the head... it was the shoulders that got me!
Compared with friends of mine who have taken hours and found 3cm intensely painful I felt that the pain was minimal. I'm a major wimp in real life and I would say my best friend has a much much higher pain threshold but she found labour agony.

The cramps start out as a dull ache, and they're initially not too much more than the general end of pregnancy aches and pains you'll be getting anyway.

For me, what PPs said about diarrhoea cramping pain was accurate. Like the pain you have with really bad food poisoning but unfortunately without the feeling of relief you get once you have pooed IYSWIM. I vomited on every contraction too.
But everyone is different- I had a fast and intense labour, not the gradual build others have experienced.

I had horse spud diarrhoea three times in an hour and occasional pains. These got worse so I rushed off to L&D. They examined me, said I wasn't in laboir and sent me home. I spent 2 hours thinking I was dying on the toilet as they said was probably contripation. Worried I'd lost control of my ability to wee (was my waters) and then half an hour later had a beyond uncontrollable urge to push. Spent the car journey trying to remember how to breathe to prevent the urge to push and delivered my son 19 minutes after arriving at the hospital. The midwife who sent me home did come and apologise!

I think the main problem is that experiences differ so much, pain thresholds vary person to person as does the way we feel pain and describe it. I knew it was labour because I lost my mucus plug in the morning and then had increasingly regular cramping through the day ending in my waters breaking, so all fairly obvious! Active labour felt like my body was trying to expel something, like when you have a stomach bug and can feel your guts spasming to get rid of everything. Best word I can use to describe it is primal, my body was totally focused on what it needed to do and I was barely aware of what was going on around me, just what my body was instinctively doing.

I don't actually remember feeling worried or anxious about giving birth and I don't know what anyone has been telling you to make you feel that way. Yes, it hurts but it doesn't hurt as much as pouring melted sugar over your finger from an Ikea Gingerbread House or a hot cup of coffee over your boob, believe me.

I've had a natural birth and a C section and I'd take the birth any day. All I can say is prepare yourself as in get your bag and stuff ready. Try and read up a bit about what will happen. I wasted a lot of time on the day when the nurse told me to bare down (?) like I was doing a poo. I didn't get it because why would you push for that end. I wish someone had enlightened me about that. I actually quite enjoyed the birth as I was walked up on gas, had a bath and then had an epidural. It was only the pushing bit I didn't like. It was over quickly. I was up and walking around an hour later.

Easier said than done but try not to worry. It is a bit of a chore for a lot of joy shortly afterwards.

How not to feel frightened about labour

I was told it was unmistakable, you’ll know when it’s labour etc etc. Because I was expecting it to hurt in some new, unfathomable way I didn’t really realise I was in labour for quite a while.

I, however, was convinced I was just horrifically constipated. That’s what it felt like to me: just needing a (really really big) poo that wouldn’t budge. My DH really had to talk me into going to the hospital.

At one point the midwife asked me if I “usually had a high pain threshold?” So I presume I was managing the pain fairly well. She also explained the sensation may have been because my waters didn’t break (till his head was out!) and the bulging membrane could have made it feel very far back.

Pain in thighs for me. I had hip and thigh pain throughout my pregnancies,which apparently explains it! Such an odd experience gripping my legs every few minutes while waiting for baby to arrive!

Definitely agree that it's like needing the biggest diarrhoea shit ever but there's no bathroom and you're wearing all white so you have to hold it in. Its the kind of pain that makes you kind of go a bit 'dopey' with the pain level.

I remember having a lot of Braxton Hicks from 6 months on. On the day labour started I woke up with a BH, then they kept coming back. After about 5 of them we started to time them. Then I rang the hospital and they told me to come in when they were X mins apart.

As this thread shows everyone experienced it differently. It is very unusual to not know you are in labour though, so don't worry about that. It can be difficult to tell in the early part of labour I'd you have more gentle contractions then, but the usual pattern is that they build up in frequency and intensity.

With my first DC, just before I went into labour their was a lot of intense movement from baby, but I didn't get this the second time. Both times started off with backache for me, but it doesn't for everyone. I had a back labours like student upthread, with no stomach contractions at all, which was not at all what I was expecting.

Okay so I've been getting a mild pain in my stomach intermittently the last couple of hours and the feeling of needing a poop even though I went to the toilet just before it started......its not an excruciating pain at all......do you you ladies think this is more likely to be braxton hicks or practice contrsctions?
I'm due in 3 days

If you lie down and it goes away then it's braxton hicks, if it doesn't then it sounds like the beginning of things getting started. I had braxton hicks on the Monday / Tuesday on and off but didn't go into labour until Thursday x

People have very different responses to pain and very different labours. I have a high pain threshold. I think my labours were easy. I fell asleep during early labour listening to a hypnobirthing CD (for the first time). I’m not a particularly relaxed person, nor was I especially into hypo birthing, I just had fast, easy labours. I’d describe the pain as a bit like when you are very constipated or the pain you get when you hit the funny bone in your elbow but it passes so quickly. I managed easily on paracetamol and gas and air. You’ll be fine from what it sounds like is your pain threshold.

I didn't have any painful contractions with one of mine ( induced with the others) If I hadn't have been in hospital with PE he would have arrived at home.

Back labour is like an immense pressure on your bum and feeling like you need to poo but with pain.

I also had a few contractions in my stomach (but they were braxton hicks) and my belly just went hard for a few mins then back to normal, I imagine that's what a normal contraction feels like only with pain?