Anixety about Childbirth

[User45632874]

I am nearly 30 weeks pregnant and already psyching myself up for impending childbirth.

I have two dc's (11 and 4) and this is technically my fourth pregnancy/birth - late loss at 22 weeks, so therefore I know the general gist of a 'normal' delivery. But I can remember the contractions/pain involved and the feeling of being out of control and I think my heightened anxiety is linked to the fact that I will have to leave my dcs to go to hospital and somewhere in the back of my mind is the prospect that I may never return - eldest dc has been saying..."You're not going to die in childbirth, are you mum?" and whilst I have done my best to reassure her that it is highly unlikely, it has probably unnerved me a bit. We have no extended family...it is just me and dh that is it so this makes me more anxious than normal that something will happen to one of us (before eldest dd reaches 18 at least). I will be just shy of 44 when I give birth and have the usual niggling ailments of feeling nauseous, breathless, disturbed sleep problem with hip and thinking bloody hell, I've now got to pull off giving birth. I woke up at 1 pm last night in a bit of a panic about it all (I have a hypnobirthing cd and hoping it will help...it helped with birth no. 2) but really there is no other way out but to give birth and I think I'm getting a claustrophobic feeling). Delivery 3 was my late loss and it didn't go smoothly, no emergency surgery but baby got stuck and the whole thing became very undignified and prolonged, this is probably not helping as birth no. 2 was reasonably quick and straightforward. Birth no. 1 was drawn out and painful. I think I am struggling to cope with the unpredictability of it all (and also the issue of where my dc's are going to go whilst giving birth - separate thread). Apologies for the long ramble, I don't have many people to talk to in real life and suppose I feel better just getting this out x

I'm not much help, but bumping so someone else who has a bit more experience can help. It might be worth talking to your midwife about how you're feeling, could you consider a c section to cut out some elements of the unpredictability? You can always ask if you think it would help. I'm sorry for your loss

Yes, did consider asking for a C-section but various complications can arise from this too and it all seems a bit extreme as it involves undergoing surgery.

How are you feeling now

Hi Relaxing, thank you for asking. I have booked an appointment with my GP and managed to sleep better after talking things out with my dh and just seem a bit more relaxed since posting about my anxiety. I have nearly finished packing my hospital bag and have made some enquires about childcare for my dcs during birth because this was also bothering me.
When I had my loss (at 22 weeks), I took the medication to induce birth but it was prolonged and the baby got stuck and it all became very undignified as well as having to deal with all of the emotional aspects that accompanied this...I think I am just expecting something to go wrong now and the stress of trying to get some care for the dcs during the birth has tipped me over the edge and upped my anxiety.
Anyhow, 30 weeks today and feeling a bit more on an even keel now that I have tried to be a bit more proactive.

I felt the same about a section. Despite a high risk second pregnancy I was adamant I didn’t want major surgery when I have a 3yo at home to look after.

Without going into details things went about as wrong as they possibly could with his birth and I ended up having an emergency section under general anaesthetic and spending 3 days in intensive care whilst my 41week, post dates baby was in neonatal.

My point though, is that I have found recovering from the section actually a lot easier than i ever anticipated it would be. DS is 11 days old today and I ample mobile than I would have imagined...and my section was accompanied by other major surgery and wasn’t exactly gentle since DS had to come out really quickly. It is a bit difficult as i can’t pick up 3yo DD or drive yet, but not as bad as I’d imagined it would be.

As I understand it, recovery from an elective section is usually much quicker than an emergency one, so if your anxiety is really high please don’t rule it out completely. At least talk to your doctors and explain how you feel. They may have someone you can talk to about the surgery, recovery, risks etc. To help you make a decision.

I've had massive anxiety threw my pregnancy too hun keep thinking things will go wrong I'm 29 weeks today and I'm terrifed of giving birth it's hard to get something out of your head isn't it x

You need to address your concerns one by one, limping the all together makes them a mountain. Really sensible to get some back up childcare, when you're giving birth you want to be able to focus in that alone.
Talk to professionals, read all you can, don't listen to horror stories. Check out the positive birth movement, where ordinary mums share positive experiences.

Birth is very safe.
You can do this! 💟

Fed up now with trying to arrange emergency childcare. Although friends etc. said they would pitch in...what if they are away for the weekend/at work etc? I have just enquired about emergency childcare and it appears it is going to cost us hundreds of pounds (booking a nanny for childcare that we don't really need, to guarantee someone just being available). Feeling so fed up, angry and stressed! I suppose I could scout about and see if there are any trainee doulas in the area who would be prepared to charge less fees and take on the childcare aspect. I don't mind paying a couple of hundred but several hundred is bloody ridiculous. What a crap situation to be in on top of all the other worries. Thank you stepbystep for your words of encouragement.

It's frustrating for you. Doulas will really focus on you and be with you at the birth, not really at home with siblings. You may benefit from doula support though.
A local child minder might be a better option as a back up xx

Hypnobirthing, hypnobirthing, hypnobirthing. You really have to work at it, like you’re studying a course - take it all on board, do it every other day. Anxiety makes labour worse so focus hard on the hypnobirthing. Do a course in your area if you can as it all sinks in better when your are taught in person. Katharine Graves on iTunes is very good.

Kimmy, that's for the hypnobirthing advice; I have a really good CD and I know it works because I used it when having dd2 and I remember one of the midwives remarking how calm I was. But it is hard to block out my last birth (late loss at 22 weeks) when I was induced, just thought what the hell and took all the pain medication available which seemed to make things worse in some ways. The labour was drawn out and became quite undignified; I suppose it is about trying to get centred again and focusing more on the hypnobirthing etc.

Sorry, that was meant to read thanks for the hypnobirthing advice!

I've tried that I'm still very nervous

How's your anxiety

Relaxing, hope you are O.K. Is this your first pregnancy? I am feeling a little better this week having secured some childcare for my younger dc; it makes me think that she will at least be in good hands. I have also nearly finished packing my hospital bag and hope to complete that by the end of this week. I need to pack a bag for the dds and once I've done that, I think I will feel nothing but relief - aiming to finish preparing all the bags within the next two weeks plus some notes for my friend with various telephone numbers etc. It takes massive preparation it seems when you have other dcs involved!
I suppose in a way this has been distracting me from the actual event.
Listening to the hypnobirthing cd, I am often asleep before it finishes!

Are you having your blood pressure monitored regularly? An impending sense of doom can actually be a warning sign for pre-eclampsia or hellp syndrome. As can a late return of nausea. I don’t want to worry you, just want to make sure you’re getting the right care.

You sound very similar to me op , I have 3 dc but have given birth 4 times. My third labour was a week 21 loss. I was induced as the baby had a fatal disability. The induction took three days and it was heart breaking.

I felt exactly as you do before having my son 12 weeks ago. I was a mess and struggled so much with just about everything you describe. I ended up speaking with a consultant about my anxieties and I was offered sweeps to avoid induction only. I felt I had to grit my teeth and get on with it.

I went to 42 weeks in the end and was induced. It says "maternal distress" on my discharge notes , that only tells part of the story though as giving birth after that loss was easily the most stressful thing I've ever done.

I wish I had answers op , but during my last pregnancy I found none.

Magic, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your third dc x And sorry to hear you struggled too in the run up to your fourth labour. Congratulations on the birth of your son x I suppose, just hearing that (unfortunately) someone else has experienced this kind of anxiety/stress makes me feel like what I am feeling isn't completely bizarre. People are suggesting inductions, and C-sections to me as if it is an easy option - um, no. It is really difficult to get back to focusing on my dd2's birth which went quite smoothly really and I was really quite calm using hypnobirthing techniques. The wait is really horrid isn't it; I almost want to get it over and done with now and move forward.
Sand: Re. blood pressure, I am monitored at least every four weeks and so far absolutely normal. I am unsure what hellp syndrome is, though with all the tests I have had, hopefully it would have been picked up. 30+5 today and counting!

I agree , nothing is an easy option in this position.

I feel like once you've had that negative experience and you see first hand how easily things can wrong , everything is utterly terrifying. That fear is something you live with rather than 'get over'.

That said , once you've had these things happen you are given fantastic care - I had many scans , all tests offered to me and had consultant appointments offered if anything needed discussing.

I think this level of care is what you must focus on op , if anything was wrong you would know asap because of the close monitoring .

Good luck with everything, I'll be keeping everything crossed that you find a way to quiet/handle your anxieties leading up to the birth.

Thanks Magic - Yes my maternity book is now full from all the blood tests/scans/notes that have been put in it.
Waiting for a scan is terrifying - first question - "Is there a heartbeat?" I am being looked after and this does provide a sense of everything that can be done is being done but it is the same old...I was that 1 woman in one hundred when I lost my ds - as you say, you are all too aware of all the things that can go wrong and the thought of stillbirth weighs heavily on my mind. Fast forward to April...please!