What made your c-section a positive experience?

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

I had an emcs with Ds and for various reasons, it was a truly horrendous experience which I still have nightmares about.

I'm currently pregnant again and given my age and the fact that Ds despite being relatively small managed to wedge himself in my pelvis, I don't believe that pursuing a vbac makes sense for me.

My midwife (and apparently the Consultant who I have yet to meet) believe that I should be pursuing a lovely, fluffy, positive experience this time (yes, they used "fluffy", I've seen the email) and that before I see the Consultant to discuss delivery, I need to figure out my plans to make it positive. Apart from us both surviving it, I have zero ideas so any suggestions would be welcome.

I had a lovely elective c section last year. I think what made it so pleasant for me was the humour and gentleness of the staff, the consistent reassurance and keeping me in the loop re what was happening 'now' and what they'd be doing next, the similarly consistent (but not OTT) making sure I was okay and if there was anything I wanted changing (eg if I wanted music on, if the position I was sitting on waiting for the spinal to start working was comfy) and the fact that my partner was also reassured, encouraged to take lots of pictures and cut the cord. I think the main theme was the attitude of the surgeons and anaesthetist and midwife. Everybody was lovely without being sickly and continually reassuring without being patronising. Lots of smiling and joking - my DP got a beautiful shot of the moment my daughter was born where both surgeons and the anaesthetist and midwife are all grinning broadly. That summed it up nicely for me

An elective is so calm and slow. No panic. You get to hold your baby very soon after too.

I had an elcs with dd2. It was controlled, safe, pain free, fast. All the things my first birth wasn't!

Basically what Mouse said. Lovely, convivial and relaxed atmosphere with the staff. Mine and DH's choice of music playing. It was calm and steady. The staff seemed really pleased to meet DS, despite the fact they must deliver multiple babies a week.

All the best for your section

Oh, and - whilst in one sense I was clearly doing very little in the active sense - it somehow felt like a "team effort". Felt like a lot of discussion rather than being talked at, and "ooh that's helpful actually, might move your legs a bit" when told in what way something was a bit uncomfy, for example. They all somehow managed to perfectly tread the crawl space between professionalism and putting me in mind of a group of my mates.

In fairness, it was planned (so no rushing about) and I think we really got lucky with the team that we had, but the closets I can get to isolating what made it so positive it would be, well, as described above.

The main advantage to my c-section was that both of us were alive and healthy (neither of us would have survived labour; I had a planned section).

Other advantages: better recovery than those who had an emergency section; it took about 20 minutes to get DD out because the surgeon was being very careful (I've had a fair bit of abdominal surgery before). He didn't need to rush because DD wasn't in distress. I'm pretty sure this helped with the recovery.

I didn't feel a failure because this had been planned for about 3 weeks.

I was spared the pain of labour - surely there's no point in going through it if you don't have to.

I don't have any damage down below - no forceps, stitches etc.

I wasn't offered music, so don't assume you'll have it. But I hope that's pretty low down your list of priorities!

My first and third were lovely. Very dependent on the anaesthetists and the midwife, rather than the surgeon. Sounds bizarre but with my third they held back a bit with the anaesthetic. It made the whole thing a bit uncomfortable (I could feel a LOT of pressure and pulling, and some prickling towards the end), but I had very little nausea or light headedness so I could hold DS3 while they were stitching me. The whole thing was really quite relaxed. My first was a bit rushed and I felt awful from a long induction, my second the baby was whisked away to nicu and I had far too much anaesthetic (despite me telling the anaesthetist it was too much) and couldn’t stop vomiting.

Mine were pretty clinical: bright lights, no music, Baby wiped down etc, and honestly that was fine and had no bearing on how I felt. It was the anaesthetist who made the difference.

I loved both my EMCS and ELCS. There was a sense of control in theatre which was completely lacking elsewhere in my maternity care. The staff were lovely - kind, funny and attentive - and the focus was so clearly on a safe delivery and that first time meeting our DC.

I don't know that I'd call it 'fluffy', but I can remember it vividly - all the anxiety during prep and then all the excitement during the delivery.

If I ever have a third I'll be wanting a CS delivery for them too!

Seeing the massive cyst that was growing inside me and being given the choice to have my ovary removed there and then. And the craic with the team.

I had an Emcs and I think my attitude made it a positive experience as all I was concerned about was baby. The reasons it happened were also explained to me after as research shows that mum's that have this chat are less likely to suffer depression afterwards.

For me it was not having to experience labour or contractions.

My ELCS was so calm - I had a nice chat about baby names with the midwife whilst the spinal went in and everyone was very relaxed.

I felt really looked after by the anaethesetists during my ELCS.
All the way through they addressed my fears, took me seriously and did their utmost to allay them.

And also I was with it, compared to being off my head with every drug available to me before my EMCS previously.

Best bit - skin on skin with baby in theatre! Second time round had skin to skin as soon as they’d checked baby and kept hold of baby from then on in. Tell the anaesthetist as they’re the one who can rearrange your gown to be able to get access to your chest.
We were able to play our own playlist too, both times. Sound equipment often belongs to the consultant or the anaesthetist I believe, so depends what they have!
Best of luck.

I’ve had two positive caesarean. Things had moved in the 5 years between them meaning the second had advantages over the first.

We had lovely skin to skin after a quick check of the baby second time (first time he was cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket before being given to me)
Radio on both times (my choice - husband had no small talk in the circumstances and I needed distracting)
All theatre staff lovely, particularly anaesthetists - I think this really made it feel warm and special, not just a medical procedure
Husband cut cord second time (admittedly it had already been cut when the baby lifted out but he cut it to correct length)

Oh and they lowered the sheet after making the incision so I could see the baby being lifted out.
My husband took photos - they are very special.

Mine was 10 years ago but I agree with all of the above.

It all felt so controlled in a relaxed way. I can’t say it was fluffy, I felt quite a lot of what was going on and DD needed taking off for a few minutes after but we were soon breastfeeding in the recovery room.

Wish we had a selfie with the team like above

First child: horrific EMCS, awful experience.

Second child: elective section. Wonderful experience, all very calm, baby passed to me for cuddles as soon as she was out, kept with me in recovery, lots of Midwife support, good pain management.

1. Organized childcare for DC1 well in advance so no worries there

1. Knew date and time of burg so planned lots of things around that (wedding attendance, family visits etc)

1. Knee how long I’d be in hospital, assuming all went well (which statistically it was very likely to have)

1. Was able to schedule for a time my obstetrician and her nurse could do the surgery

1. Chose hospital and room in advance

1. DH was able to organize his one week work absence we’ll in advance so he was stress free

1. It was all over very quickly and efficiently. Luckily recovery was smooth and fast.

I’ve had an EMCS (after 19 hours of labour) and a scheduled CS. The latter was so very very civilised.

The calm made it positive, I rather enjoyed both mine one elective one emcs, and quite looking forward to this time too, booked in already at 16 weeks!
It's good feeling organised, and having everything arranged around it too

Thank you all for your responses.

It seems to boil down to the people in the room with you which is interesting and definitely something I need to work on. My son's delivery left me with major trust issues when it comes to health care providers as they lied on multiple occasions (and admitted it afterwards as it was apparently for my own good).

I'm so not sure about skin to skin. This might sound bonkers but I feel guilty about the idea with this baby as I was in a such a state with Ds I didn't see him born, didn't know he had been born and then refused to look at him/hold him for the whole time we were in theatre as I didn't believe he was real. In some ways, holding this one seems like a betrayal.

Thank you for giving me plenty to think about before my appointment.

I had two ELCS, first for transverse DD and second for 11lb DS! Both were positive, but we definitely learned lessons from the first to improve things for the second.

1. Being able to know when we would be having DS, to plan childcare for DD.

1. Calm and relaxed atmosphere in theatre, Magic FM in background, chatting to medics.

1. Partner cut the cord. Also we donated the placenta and cord blood to Anthony Nolan.

1. Didn't go for skin to skin as I hated it with DD, they pretty much put her on my face and I couldn't breathe. So partner gave him some harvested colostrum while they stitched me up and I did feed back in recovery.

1. Decided to go for a different hospital second time round as I heard the aftercare was better. Best decision ever and a v positive experience of a postnatal ward.

Dinosaur, my first EMCS was horrific and like you I felt that I didn't want to do lots of things for the second that I wasn't able to do with the first.
That's fine, you don't have to do any of it. You'll work it out as you go along in your own time, in your own way.

I suddenly had the urge to hold her (although not skin-skin) and held her throughout the stitching up and recovery. DH took her for feeds and cuddles while I was getting my PJs on and what-not. I had a far nicer experience with her than I did with our first and I don't feel one bit guilty.

Hope you have a wonderful experience.

@AnUtterIdiot Thanks. I'm trying not to let what happened before influence me but as I essentially hallucinated my way through my view is totally distorted. It left me with a view of surgery as something repulsive and violating and disgusting (mostly due to the hallucinations) and I've no idea how to correct that before the baby is due.

@GrumpyOldBagFace It's good to see I'm not alone in that. Everyone I've discussed that with in RL has been so "Oh but you must have skin to skin".