Scared to go through another birth

[bellerina17]

I always assumed that the first child would be worse as I didn't know what to expect, but I feel terrified about having a second birth, I keep having a flashback to certain parts of the birth which stick in my mind....I don't know if it's maybe because my last birth was a bit traumatic, sorry for tmi but 3 day labour, baby's heart rate dropping and needing a clip on her head to be monitored, waters wouldn't break so they had to be broken, being cut & a lot of blood loss...close to needing blood transfusion. I'm just terrified the next birth will be even worse, I've heard the first is usually the longest, but I just feel like I couldn't cope again, strange though because I always thought if I could get through the first one the others would be less scary when I know what it's like

You need to be positive about things. Some do feel that first pregnancy and birth is a lot easier but some do think the second and third are way easier compared to the first one. Talk to your dr and discuss the ways on how you would be able to prepare so you would avoid going through pains you had with your first birth.

I am still very traumatised by the birth of my twins and what came afterwards. I can't ever imagine being able to have another child. I don't think this is uncommon sadly.

My dd's birth sounded similar to yours OP- I was pretty pissedoff with some of the ways that different things were handled (not being given updates or told how things were progressing etc) and when I spoke to a midwife during the first homecheck they offered to get me in touch with a midwife at the hospital who could go through my notes with me and answer and questions as well as pass on any feedback.

I wasn't expecting much, but actually it was great. It made me feel way better about my birth"experience". She went through my notes and reassured me that I had done a great job during a long and difficult labour, and explained why things happened the way they did and answered all my questions. I was with her an hour and left feeling puffed up, like I can actually do this again!

Does your hospital offer anything like this? it might be worth getting in touch- the midwives are specially trained and you might find it useful if you're like me and you find it easier to accept things if there was a reason behind it.

@Erica891 maybe I will speak to doctor about it, I'm sure it won't be as bad i just cant help worrying about it

I had a traumatic first birth - epistiotomy, forceps and so much blood loss that I needed three transfusions.

I had an elective section with my second and it was amazing.

When did you have your last baby? I had a very traumatic experience with DC1 but after some time I felt ready to ttc dc2. The birth of my DC2 was a very different experience and went a lot better. Leave yourself time to come to terms with your last birth before rushing into pregnancy. Every pregnancy and birth are different. Try to be positive. If you're too negative, it will trigger your anxiety and fear and it will make you feel worse.

@TammySwansonTwo it's upsetting isn't it, I always wanted 4 children and I still do I just keep worry about the birth, the worst thing is I remember thinking the pain isn't as bad as I thought it'd be and now I just can't remember so I think it's really bad again

Are you pregnant now OP?

I was actually scheduled for an elective section due to awful labour phobia for which I was having counselling. Ended up needing an emergency section when one of the twins stopped moving - the spinal was the most horrendous thing I've ever experienced. So now I'm terrified of vaginal birth and there's no way I could an epidural or spinal again. So yeah.:: think I'm out of options.

Definitely speak to your doctor - birth debriefs can be helpful and in some areas they have midwives who are specially trained to treat birth trauma with techniques like Rewjnd, or could look into treatments for PTSD, some of which can be really effective.

Definitely ask for a birth debrief. Contact PALS at your hospital and they can put you in contact with the right person. I was surprised how much it helped and wish I’d done it much sooner.

You can also ask for an elective caesarean next time which are usually extremely calm and controlled.

I would suggest you seek post birth counselling. I had it after a traumatic birth and thought no way, never again. Now i feel like I could consider it as the counselling helped me to rationalise it all in my head.

My first labour was much worse than than my second. My first ended up in theatre, spinal block, forceps. I was so scared of the pain I think I made my self tense which made it worse. My second in comparison was very straight forward. Minimal pain relief, no intervention needed. The best thing about the second one was I knew I would be Okay in the end. What I'm saying is no two labours are the same. Have you spoken to your midwife or doctor? You need to let someone know how you're feeling. Best of luck to you.

Birth debrief is a great idea.

I think most women are scared to give birth a second time. Because you know what it is like, and first births often tend to involve a lot of intervention and often complications. You're so worried about it happening again.

The good news is that second births really are usually more straightforward. I was really nervous about repeating my medicalised first birth. But now having given birth again, I would do it a third in a heartbeat! A totally different and much more positive experience the second time round.

I had a similar sounding birth, clip on babies head, then blood taken from her head, cut, ventouse, massive internal bleed which they stopped with something in a drip...baby didn’t cry or come around for a little while, very very stressful, all I can say is I would do it all again because I had an epidural (was induced with a drip) so rather than being in pain, I was just tired and anxious but at least I could process what was happening as I wasn’t in agony. In fact I really want another one to see if I can stay calmer next time knowing that everything that could have gone wrong last time, did, so next time can’t be as bad surely?

It sounds like you're suffering from post traumatic stress. The flashbacks must be awful for you. It's really important to acknowledge that even with near-identical experiences some people will experience post traumatic stress and some won't. So, don't write off your worries just because others didn't have the same after effects you have. It's your experience that's important.

Counselling should help enormously. Some doulas specialise in counselling, supporting and preparing women who've had a traumatic birth experience - try Googling doulas and birth counselling in your area to see what's available. You don't necessarily have to use the doula's services during birth, but they can be particularly understanding of how to counsel women with birth-related anxiety of any kind.

Best of luck.