HELP! Home delivery after c sectio with twins

[confused123455]

Hi there,

Need some advice.

My situation is I am alone with 3 children (one 4yo and two 1yo (twins)) and am due my 4th mid Jan (4 weeks to go).

Split with my husband (they are all his) and literally have noone. I know when people say that there is always someone (mum, dad, friend) but I am literally by myself.

I had a csec with the twins last year which was fine because my 4yo went to stay with my mother and father in law (his dad wouldn't have him). But they can't help this time round and now I have 3! The only thing I can think to do would be have a home birth as I have literally no childcare. I've never used a babysitter (oh won't let me in case of abuse etc) so I can't book them for childcare and have noone on standby.

Homebirth sounds good to me, because I can have the baby, already be at home and just get on with things after he's born as normal. Saw the midwife for the first time in 5 months the other day and she said no way because of the csec and they wouldn't support it. She said to have a planned csec because of my situation, I wouldn't object to that if they can operate in the morning and I can be home by the late afternoon (like the twins), she said they wouldn't agree to that as priority on the day depends on who is there. Their dad will likely look after them until tea time if his sister and parents are there (he won't do it alone) so I can ask his sister to book the day off (I know she will) but his mum has severe mental issues and can't be alone/by herself at all (let alone look after children) and his dad has to stay with her at all times, he has heart problems too so they aren't really on board understandably this time around.

Am trying to think of solutions but at the moment am veering towards just waiting until I go into labour and when contrations are 3 mins ish apart to call a mw to come round and then there won't be much choice.

I delivered my 4yo without even gas and air (midwives refused to give me pain relief point blank) so I know I can do it again, my only worry with that plan is I don't want the new baby to be at risk. (Our local hospital is worse than appalling) there is no way I will deliver naturally there - ever, through experience of my own and one of my friends babies now has cerebal palsy because the midwives ignored her. That feels like a bigger risk than both other options.

So I'm in a bit of a pickle and would appreciate some input please!

Thank you guys xx

Whatever you do, please don't just resort to not calling the hospital and giving birth alone at home. I get the feeling you're considering it and it's very concerning.

Your DH has other relatives, right? I think I remember you mentioning a sister and someone else other than his parents. At this point I would put a blast out to every contactable relative of his letting them know your situation and how useless their brother/nephew/whatever is. There's a good chance someone there will be so embarrassed and appalled by him that they'll step up for a few days on his behalf. If that fails, 100% scrape together the money for a temp nanny if you can. Even force him to pay for it. Does he pay maintenance at least? I can't get over how useless this man is.

I had to stay in hospital for 5 days after a section and for the first 2 days couldn't even keep my eyes open I was so heavily medicated. You just don't know what way it's going to go for you.

Your ex would rather social services arrange temporary foster care than you book a baby sitter? And he would only look after them til teatime?
Rarely am i stumped but i think you need to work through this logically. Your sister in law sounds the more sane one. What are her views?
I think you should approach SS for support generally in any event.

Whereabouts are you (geographically) op?

Oh for goodness sake - just book
Childcare and ignore ex on this. Don't try to engineer a home birth, or discharge post C section against advice, Or put children into temporary foster care

You will not be able to care for 3 children under 5 while you are in labour. Anything could happen. You need to be adequately cared for during your labour or you risk leaving your children without their mother for much longer if there are complications.

Your husband needs to look after them. No ifs or buts. I would also be looking at a childminder to give you a bit of respite here and there when the new baby comes.

Have you had contact with a health visitor yet? Could you call them for advice, or like you said, maybe social services?

I would speak to your health visitor. Honestly if you could afford it I would look at having a nanny or something around for maybe even the first week to give you a hand.

Am looking at Nanny's - had no idea you could do this, what a great thing! Thank you!

I was out same day with the twins, but I had my op at 10.30 in the morning, so they were like 'leave' come 6pm, we need the space! I was fine with recovery last time, found it so much better than natural birth - no pain involved and they just give you a load of pain killers, so you know no better anyway :)

A temp Nanny would be great, I'll work a few more hours a week before my little one arrives and save up for it and get a cleaner for the stuff I can't do while I'm working extra.

My midwife knows about it, but it's taken 5 months to get an appointment with her (haven't seen anyone since 15 weeks pregnant) because she only works 3 hours per week. The only reason she came out was because I put in a complaint, so she wasn't the happiest anyway, think I've burned that bridge!

I am based in the West Midlands.

Feel like something is coming together now though. Temp Nanny, for a few (3 or 4 days) sounds great don't think I will be able to afford one longer than that, I don't have the time to save up for it with Christmas, and my eldest is off school so 2 hours less of work a day, but once I'm back working may look into it for a few hours on a long term basis.

Love this site, thank you everyone!

They sent you home hours after a section with twins!

Sounds like a nanny might be a good idea for you OP but if funds don’t allow social services can certainly help

Lol yep, they aren't the best with midwifery/child birth where I live. I think everyone is just severely overstretched with the NHS. What a kerfuffle! Will get through it though and everyone is right about the childcare, bottom line is I need it, so will do it whether he likes it or not.

I can ask him for money towards it, he's more likely to say yes to that than looking after them himself! :)

Do you have 'Safe Families for Children' in your area - they are a charity that aim to stop children being taken into care by supporting families in the community. They could also help you afterwards.

I agree if you were my neighbour or co- worker I'd be willing to help in this situation. It's ok to ask your 4yos classmates' parents or your colleagues here.