Sex after 2nd degree tear

[Isitwinteryet]

Hello! :)

I know there are a few threads about this, but none actually answer my problem that I can see, and they are all pretty old and don't want to comment on a post from 4 years ago! Lol.

I had my baby 9 weeks ago, had 2nd degree tearing and stitches inside and out. Everything is completely healed, I have no pain or discomfort whilst doing any normal day to day activities.

My partner and I tried to have sex a couple of nights ago, however (tmi warning) we could not get more than 1 finger inside as it is painful. It feels as though the stitches have made the entrance smaller and it stretches to the point it's painful. Even with 2 fingers, let alone a penis!

Has anybody experienced this? Does it get better with time or do I have to go through the pain before it'll get better? Feel like I'm never going to be able to have sex again. :(

Thank you!

Hi Isitwinteryet,

I had the same problem. Too tight entrance of the vagina. It was discovered when my GP tried to use a speculum and it became obvious it would not fit in. She used a "baby" speculum instead. I was already under physio care so we simply added this to the long list of problems I was left with.

It's very distressing and I feel for you. The best is to see a women's health physiotherapist (GP should refer you).
They will assess first but I suspect they will start by showing you how to massage with your thumb (against the ridge of the entrance). I know this does not look super high tech but it does change tissue (scar tissue can really soften with massage). It will be sore to beginning with but the more you massage the easier it gets.
After that or instead or when you feel confident, they may suggest using dilators. I was given 3 sizes (small, medium, and "large" which was the size of an average penis). I started with small and learnt how to massage and get more confident. Then medium then large. The dilators help stretch the inside of the vagina (your thumb can only really work at the entrance).
After about 3 months, my vagina was very different, a lot less tight. Unfortunately, in my case, it still wasn't enough (I bled during sex because the entrance would split open in one place) and we finally talked about surgery. In the end I had a Fenton procedure. Again a little physio after that and I now have normal, painless sex again.

I don't know what treatment will be recommended but I just wanted you to know that there are treatments available.

Hi! Thanks for replying.

Poor you as well, that also sounds horrible. :( Can i ask how far PP you tried sex when you realised that? It sounds like such a long road to recovery. Especially since I wanted to TTC again in about a years time, I feel like I'll never be able to have another child at this rate! :(

Hiya!
I had a very difficult birth (2 ventouse, episiotomy and forceps, major PPH).
I had extensive damage and suffered bowel incontinence, some urine retention and excruciating coccyx pain. I also suffered a secondary PH 4 weeks after birth and that's when GP wanted to have a look that she discovered this other issue.
My wounds hadn't healed yet so hadn't tried sex. Then knowing there was an issue, I waited for some of the massage and work with dilators to take effect before trying. So it was 8 months when we tried again.

Unless there are other issues, I don't imagine it will take you as long. You still need to count around 4 weeks (from when GP refers you) to see a physio + a few weeks to start massaging under their guidance. So I'd say around 2 months perhaps?
It's not a nice thing to go through and not the sort of issue you can openly discuss. If you need some support, try the Birth Tear Support group on Facebook. Women there will understand your situation.
Other posters with different births but with the same result might be able to give you a different time frame?
It is long but I hope you get the help that you need.

If you have been seen up too tight you may need a Fenton's procedure to put it right. See the GP

Wow thats a lot! I had a ventouse also. Thank you for your detailed reply! I may look at setting some one about it soon.
I've actually looked up Fenton procedure just now, the things we have to go through

I had ventouse too and a similar problem. Sex was incredibly painful until about ten months.

My GO told me to get some lube, go slowly and just get on with it basically. It was actually decent advice. Over time the tightness faded and now I can have sex without discomfort. It just took time and patience.

GP not GO

I had an internal second degree tear with DS1 (forceps delivery). Sex was painful for 9-10 months. There was nothing ‘wrong’ (everything healed fine)- it just took time to feel comfortable again. 9 weeks post partum is still pretty early: don’t panic yet! As Fartniss says- lots of lube and go slow.

Fartniss- (love the username by the way) that gives me hope that it may be back to normal with time and patience!

Furry- I also had internal tearing. I had 4 stitches altogether, inside and out. I agree 9 weeks is still pretty early. I suppose I'm just a bit impatient! And maybe a bit naive to think it'll all be hunky dorey by now!

Furry- I also had internal tearing. I had 4 stitches altogether, inside and out. I agree 9 weeks is still pretty early. I suppose I'm just a bit impatient! And maybe a bit naive to think it'll all be hunky dorey by now!

I think it’s one of those things we don’t talk about. I had my six week check with a consultant gynaecologist (due to extent of tear) and she said at that point “it’s all healed, you’re fine to have sex” which of course made me think it should be pain free and back to normal. Nobody said “and by the way you’ve had a pretty significant injury- it’s going to take time for things to get back to normal.”

Btw, I found that things got a lot more comfortable when my periods came back (I assume for hormonal reasons) so that may be a factor too.

Yeah I think that's kinda the thought process I had when she told me I was ask healed as well.
Ah I see, I haven't had my period come back yet. Not sure when they do but I'm brestfeeding as well so think that makes a slight difference to them returning.

Fingers crossed I can resume sex within 2018

I imagine you probably just need to give it some time. I had a 2nd degree tear and though moving around and doing normal things, I had no pain at 9 weeks, there is still no way in hell I would have been ready to have sex again. Your body is still recovering, muscles are rebuilding and healing and you may have some scar tissue which just needs a bit more time. My dh and I didn't have full on penetrative sex again for 7 months pp (not because of my tear, just because we were exhausted and bedsharing and it was the last thing on our minds). By then it was totally comfortable and I've never had any issues with pain. But at 9 weeks, no way, I didn't even try as I knew my body still needed time. I'd give it another month and see how you feel then.

Hi mindutopia, that's good to hear! After everyone's advice I'm hoping by 6/7 months everything should be at least pain free! I'll just need more patience I suppose! Thank you :)