Am I being unrealistic?

[anewjourney]

This will be my first baby and I have my heart set on a home birth.

I don’t want to be in a hospital with unfamiliar smells, sounds and people. I feel like it would stress me out and make me scared.

I want to be in my own surroundings with as many or as few people as I want.

I want my partner to be able to stay with me the whole time and afterwards for as long as I need and as long as he wants.

I would like a natural birth if possible and have read that intervention is far less likely at home.

I would like the option of a pool and if I was at home I know that I would be able to have one without worrying if it was free.

I have been reading tonnes of the stories on homebirth.org.uk and they sound lovely.

Do I have my head in the clouds for thinking this is a realistic option or am I being stupid?

Obviously I know that births rarely go to plan and there’s a chance I’d need a transfer, but I’d love to at least give it a go.

Would love to hear some stories

Both of my births could easily have been done at home; they were fast, drug-free and straightforward ‘normal’ births with no intervention, though I did have some stitches the first time. The second would actually have been better at home because we only just to the hospital in time. I chose not to because my hospital is 30 mins away and I was just too worried about what would happen in the event of an emergency.

I certainly don’t think you’ve got your head in the clouds and are completely within your rights to seriously consider it as an option. Chat through with your midwife and consider what the ‘emergency’ plan would look like. I know one woman who has had two perfect home births, another who had her second at home, and two others who were blue lighted to hospital immediately after theirs.

You could have been me just a few weeks ago, had my home birth all planned. For me it was really about wanting DH to be around after and to be able to have peace and quiet in my own bed. Of course as with so many things nothing went to plan. Had to go in to hospital with meconium in waters and it all ended in an emergency section, brief stay in hospital and DH having to go home soon after the birth. It was nothing like what I wanted and do you know what...it was fine! I feel very fortunate that the hospital was fantastic and that we are both safe, sound and healthy as things could easily have ended up differently! So definitely go for the home birth if they'll let you...but don't worry that it's the end of the world if it doesn't happen because in my case when it came to it, all I cared about was meeting my beautiful boy and I already look back at the whole thing as a positive experience.

I totally get the appeal of a home birth and did seriously consider this. I ended up going with a midwife led unit in a big hospital and hired a doula. Due to unforeseen complications we had to have emergency section, baby ended up in intensive care and I was in similar. Not sure either of us would have made it starting at home. I think you have to weigh up your attitude to risk and make your own decision on it.

Yes, reetgood because me looking on pubmed and asking for the source of the other data is totally equivalent to ignoring facts. And my earlier post saying I had one low risk home birth where everything was fine and one emergency hospital birth where everything was fine is just pushing that agenda

@sandsnakeofdorne oh no! Total text nuance fail. I meant that a pp will have taken the info from the birthplace study but is drawing some wild conclusions from the data. Deaths being different to adverse outcome, for one. I didn’t mean to suggest you were ignoring facts! I think some other posters may be... drawing inaccurate conclusions from available data. Which your pub med stat actually supports. Death is obviously an adverse outcome, but not the only adverse outcome possible. Also, the ‘double the adverse outcome’ only applies to first time home birth, not home birth overall which for second time birth is not any more risky than hospital.

I’m planning a first time home birth myself, having considered the risks. It annoys me that every homebirth thread ends up with someone quoting that stat re doubling risk and extrapolating wildly... or implying that women who choose to make a different decision to them are either ignorant or negligent. I’m quite prepared to end up in hospital, I have a 45% chance of transferring as a first timer so no judgement from me re location.

Oh, sorry reet! I hope you have a good birth experience. My first was the home birth and it was genuinely amazing. But my second (a prem emergency section) was fine and had the massive benefit of saving our lives. Recovery from either is a mixed bag too.

I know people who got their hearts so set on homebirths that they refused/resisted to transfer into hospital even when midwives recommended it. Don’t do that. Keep an open mind. A transfer to hospital to keep you both safe is 1000 times preferable to a home water birth that ends in injury for one or the other. So long as you are fine with that follow your instincts and enjoy your birth wherever you choose to do it

I wanted a home birth for the same reasons as the OP - to have a natural birth in a private, stress-free environment where my DH could be with me all the time and I could have a pool. However I was also aware that in the event of any unforeseen complications it would be safer to be in hospital, and I felt guilty for putting my own preferences ahead of my baby's safety.

In the end I opted to go to a midwife-led birthing centre at an NHS hospital. It has private ensuite rooms with pools, all of the medical equipment is hidden in cupboards and you can have dim lights, music and LED candles. Your birthing partners can stay in the room with you throughout and the midwife just pops in as necessary. In the event of an emergency they can whisk you upstairs to the operating theatre and/or high risk ward staffed by doctors.

For me this is the best compromise between the home birth I wanted and the safety of a hospital birth. Perhaps worth considering? If there's a birthing centre near you they usually offer tours to help you decide.

The hard thing with first time births is you have no idea if you will be one of the women who has an easy and lovely time or someone that will struggle. I was considered low risk (apart from anemia and being rhesus negative- so maybe not fully low risk) and my midwives were always asking me about home birth. I was never convinced as I knew I’d have to go into hospital anyway to get the baby’s blood tested and my mother and sister both had hard labours. However, I did have my heart set on a water birth in the MLU at my hospital.

I went from low risk to high risk very quickly and never stepped foot in the MLU. I needed an epidural, had an assisted birth and had a PPH. The only reason I avoided a transfusion was because I had been taking iron pretty much constantly throughout pregnancy. If I’d have had a smoother first birth, I’d have considered a home birth the second time round but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have the choice (and I wouldn’t want to now).

That said, the midwives always made the point that if you book a home birth you can always change your mind and go to hospital. You don’t have the option to make that choice the otherway round. Like others have said, if you can be flexible and adapt to changing circumstances then you don’t lose anything by having a preference for a home birth.

Have you looked at a birth centre as a back up choice, in case a home birth isn't possible? Its midwife led, very hands off, usually with a pool and dimmer lighting. Mine was more like a hotel room, with a TV, docking station and pool, but with the comfort of a hospital down the corridor just in case.

To anewjourney
It’s not unrealistic to want a home birth no matter what number baby your having . As many have mentioned you just need to have that chat with your midwife and be fully informed .
Also look at options of a birth centre - sometimes hospital based but home from home environment .
The reason why there are two midwives at home birth is for safety and support , as if anything occurs there is always 4 pairs of hands on . In hospital you have an emergency bell and many hands to run to .
Homebirth midwives have an special emergency number for the ambulance specially for them to ensure prompt delivery of an ambulance . All midwives are trained to deal with emergencies in absense of a doctor (sometimes they better )
If you go to nhs website for better births and birth choices you should see statistics and birth choices available to you . This is new nhs drive for all women .
Hope it helps . Good luck 🤰

www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/national-maternity-review-report.pdf