Hospital not letting me choose how I want to give birth

[Monkeypuzzle32]

Just that really.
I am in my 40's 1st baby via IVF.
From my very first midwife appointment they were saying to me "you'll be induced at 38 weeks" . As time has gone on and I've spoken to to other women about labour, I questioned why they wanted to induce me and why at 38 weeks-the only answer I've been given is "you're in your 40's and its an IVF pregnancy" , because they are classing me as high risk due to this (I've had a healthy pregnancy so far), they say I can only use the delivery suite rather than the birthing centre. I really want a water birth for many reasons, I also do not want to be induced full stop, nor do I want a sweep, it all sounds very invasive and hurried up-it is definitely hospital protocol to do this but I want to be given some choices!
Should anything go wrong, or either myself or the baby are ever at a real risk then obviously things will change, I get that but although I've challenged this, I am worried I will be pretty much forced into lying on a hospital bed with midwives pressuring me to have a sweep or induction.
I dont want it to be like this.

Please don’t think that having the lovely ‘natural’ birth is the be all and end all. I’ve been induced twice and although wasn’t horrendous first time I was desperate to avoid it second time. Wasn’t to be, got to 42 weeks and was induced again but I did have a much much nicer experience and dare I say actually enjoyed it. The difference? Hypnobirthing. I zoned out completely, didn’t even notice my surroundings, avoided an epidural in fact didn’t even need gas and air till near the end. Even when DD got stuck coming out sideways and I was apparently 2 pushes away from them bringing out the forceps I hardly noticed all the people coming in and out. Look up Natal Hypnotherapy, cd and book. The medical professionals have seen the worst that can happen and are just trying to do their best to lower the risks and prevent it happening to you.

I took 5 days from induction to birth so remember that when you are saying risk goes up after x weeks.

I was in my 30s, no ivf and got induced at 40 weeks. My husband is a neonatologist and felt very strongly about minimising risks. It's not about stats but about his experience on the wards.

I didn't love my induction which ended in a c section. If I had the choice I'd have a planned c section (as I have done since).

One step at a time. Ask firmly for monitoring after 38 weeks if all seems to be going well but, really, don't equate induction with bright lights, flat on your back etc. Both dc were induced and I was 43 and 46. All relaxed, dim, calm once it eventually got going. Ds turned into long drawn out back labour with epidural and hcps rushing about. dd, after a similar start, was a natural, up on my knees, quick as a flash delivery with nothing but TENs. Your body and your baby have already pretty much decided how this one is going to go so try and let it happen and go along for the ride!

Ds should say back-to-back labour, though i was on my back due to falling asleep for much of it after blissful epidural

Totally agree Rae

I see "monitoring" always comes up on these threads as an alternative to induction. While monitoring is a lot better than doing nothing, it really is not an equal alternative to induction where the risk profile suggests this. Placentas can sometimes fail gradually and slowly and monitoring can pick this up before it effects outcomes. But placentas can also go wrong quite quickly and catastrophically and even daily monitoring may not be enough to pick up warning signs early enough to avoid injury or worse. It's not that the medical community feels "induction or monitoring" as equal options; it's a hugely strong preference for induction, and then if that is not acceptable, monitoring is better than not monitoring. But it's not an equally safe choice. It's like if you have a drunk driver, then yes that person driving really slowly and wearing their seatbelt is better than speeding, but by far the less risky option is calling a taxi.

sorry again for the late reply-I'm not getting notifications for some reason, anyway I am doing my research and I just want to clarify something-its not about me being rigid in my ideas, in fact the opposite I think-I want to be monitored and decide from 37/38 weeks what is best and what seems to be best way to go, I am fully aware of the increase in going over 40 weeks but an induction at 38 weeks was on the cards at my very 1st midwife appointment-I hadn't even had a scan at that point so I think the hospital are being rigid, not me. Its also not about being obsessed with a natural birth birth, although if I can I will.

I know anything could happen but I want some control over it and as little as possible intervention-that desire will not change, although the circumstances may well do.

I will admit my fear of bright lights and being made to lie flat are from what I've seen of real births on youtube and tv (!)but no one from the hospital has said that's not the case-i think I need to push them to show me what the DS looks like and what equipment is available so I can allay that fear.

I think Tinymeteor explains how I feel exactly-I do appreciate the replies andofcourse I want my much longed for baby safe and well but that doesnt negate my wishes surely? Anyway I will chat the midwife consultant/advocate hopefully this week if not next as I have a few appointments booked in.

I was high risk with DC1 and had a water birth in delivery suite so one may be available. Apparently they aren't used much because of the need for monitoring there. Perhaps ask about facilities there.

Alternatively you could ask about home birth. You can hire/buy a pool. The risk is slightly higher with this though, depending on how far you are from a hospital, in the event of any complications.

As a side note, have you considered Hypnobirthing? This could help ease your anxieties and help you feel much more calm in any environment.

Nice to see you back OP.
No your wishes should not be negated. Every woman has the right to feel comfortable with their birth plan. I just feel that until the baby dies, everyone thinks it won't happen to them. Thats its a tiny tiny risk. And its not and it can happen to you. Increased monitoring and an earlier induction date can prevent this because as a pp said, placentas can fail with no warning and then that's it and it's too late.
I know I'll read like I'm scaremongering, and that I'm scarred from my son's death, but i don't know how else to make this point.
I sincerely hope you find a solution you are comfortable with and that you get to cuddle your lovely little baby as soon as you are able to.

“I know anything could happen but I want some control over it and as little as possible intervention”

This statement is contradictory.

It is right that your medical team listen to your preferences, but I can’t see how your preferences trump their medical expertise.

If you went for a check now and they found something that lead them to an early induction (like pre-eclamsia or baby not growing) you'd follow their advice surely? This isn't really any different is it - in both cases they're basing their recommendations and protocols on evidence. Its just that in your situation they had the information from the start.

Hospital suites can be very nice, but you can’t tour them like an MLU as they have to be available for emergencies. An online video tour was available of ours which may help you feel more comfortable if available at yours? The thought of not having to be blue lighted 40mins in an ambulance if something went wrong, was a big factor in my choice of location!

Hello Monkeypuzzle32!
I’m in the same boat - I’m 40, IVF pregnancy, due 1st December

They wanted me to be induced, we had a scan 2 weeks ago and they absolutely clung to the tiniest (tiniest!!!) reduction in growth - I promise it was tiny and completely within all the safe scales and they seemed so pleased that they could seize on something to make me be induced.
Basically I said no - they insisted on another scan this week and the growth was absolutely fine (in fact baby put on more weight the other way, I swear she felt my frustration and grew more on purpose - that’s my girl...)
Anyway, they did have to let me go without the need for induction but they have recommended a sweep.
Sadly they have said I can’t use the birthing centre either / they said flatly ‘no’ but I’ll talk to my midwife about that as she said I can - I’m only ‘high risk’ as I’m 40 and IVF, otherwise there’s absolutely nothing risky about me or the baby, so far it’s entirely tickety boo...

I’m ok with a sweep - basically because I trust and like my midwife. If it’s too painful if the cervix is unfavourable I’m just going to ask her to stop it mid process. It didn’t hurt me too much when my frozen embryo was inserted though so it might be ok.

As for the water birth bit / I really wanted a pool - quite simply I will cope better, but as others have said here, it can’t be guaranteed anyway. (And if birth starts at home you can stay in the bath as long as you can manage / is safe)
My biggest reassurance and comfort on this matter though was how annoyed my husband was on my behalf that they said no to a pool - he was quite cross and actually that made everything ok somehow. All you really on the day is loving hands and someone who is truly on your side, no matter what.

Keep firm about induction, seriously, bollocks to them if there’s no good cause. It’s your right to know and demand what you want. They’ll ‘tell you’ what’s ‘going to happen’ but they can’t really - you can hunker down in the bottom of a hedge to birth your child if you really want and there is NOTHING anyone can do, be confident, they are doing what’s easier for them, don’t let them - your birth experience is vitally important. Yes it needs to be safe, yes a healthy baby is the main focus, but your feelings during and also AFTER the birth are very important too, they really are.
Sounds like you’ll be flexible enough to go with it (vital too, I’m sure things can go in varied directions on the day and being open-minded will help you too), but be confident with these specialists, your feelings matter.

Ps please don’t worry too much about being made to lie flat etc. I admit I have zero experience but I keep being told by the midwives and specialists that they want you to be able to move around as much as possible as basically the baby comes out quicker and easier when you’re upright. Even if you ended up on a fixed monitor, you’ll be as upright as possible because it gets the baby out faster and with less need for intervention - which is easier for every single person in the room.

Don’t stress - fear of the unknown is awful - it really is - don’t fixate too much on ‘what ifs’ if you can, there’s no point at all.
(I appreciate that your fear and frustration here comes from feeling funnelled into something you don’t want - stand your ground and stay calm)

I think you have to reach a compromise. What you think is an ideal birth may not in fact work out for you. But you can certainly plan the order of events, what you don't want, etc. I had a natural birth twice, pool once with gas and air, then next time nothing, just me and a birthing ball. I reckon though if I were you knowing baby was my one and only, a planned c section would be super tempting rather than stressing about induction. Seriously though, could you not plan an induction at 40 weeks? Seems like more of a compromise?!

You can't be forced into anything provided you're competent to consent. However, you also can't force the NHS to allow you access to any particular premises or indeed procedure. So they can't make you be induced, without a court order anyway, and you can't make them let you into the MLU.

WRT stillbirth risks, they do increase every day from 38 weeks onwards, and this is even in non IVF babies in women much younger than you. You're more likely to have a stillbirth if you wait until 40 weeks than you are if you deliver at 38 weeks (one of mine was overdue, fwiw). However it is your decision at what point you consider the risk significant enough to accept intervention. Nobody else's. I would advise researching your own specific risk factors in more detail.

I think being over 40 they like to induce early as there is a higher risk of stillbirth for you if you wait than for a woman under 40.

I just refused to book an induction when I didn’t want one. I just said ‘I don’t think we need to panic and book that just yet’. Every time they tried to book it until I was ready. You must be aware of the risks though. My midwife told me that she had seen 5 women refuse induction in my circumstances (overdue). 4 eventually went into labour naturally, 1 had a stillbirth. It’s excellent for the 4 who avoided the induction. Absolutely devestating for the 1 who lost the baby. So you do need to think about this. I actually really enjoyed my induction. Very quick which was preferable to the marathon i had with my natural nightmare labour!