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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Has anyone regretted a home birth?

27 replies

Mog · 18/07/2004 16:04

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my third child and have opted to have my first home birth. My reasons are that I had a wonderful midwife for my second labour in hospital and she is now my community midwife and there is a chance she could deliver this baby. The alternative is to go into hospital and take pot luck I get a good one (which I didn't last time).

But I haven't got a great passion for giving birth at home. Part of me feels I will miss the excitement of the journey into hospital, being on a ward with other new mums and just having a bit of time on my own with the new baby before introducing him or her into the hustle and bustle of a house with two toddlers in.

The main reason for going ahead is to have the good midwifery support which made such a huge difference to labour last time. Just wondered if this is a strong enough reason and if anyone has ever regretted a home birth?

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Original poster

Mog · 18/07/2004 16:05

Should have said I didn't get a good midwife for first time labour!

OP posts:

mears · 18/07/2004 16:07

Mog - do the community midwives do DOMINO care. That means when you go into labour, they come to the house, go with you to hospital, deliver the baby then see you home again. That could be a compromise for you.

Original poster

Mog · 18/07/2004 16:19

Unfortunately not as I agree this would have been the ideal solution.

OP posts:

mears · 18/07/2004 16:22

Have you asked them if they will consider it for you?

MeanBean · 18/07/2004 19:00

Mog, why don't you just book a home birth? If you find you want to go to hospital half way through, you'll be able to - as I understand it, you can change your mind at any stage during your labour and go into hospital (with your attending midwife). In fact, my midwife told me to book a home-birth in order to be sure of getting a domino, because although dominos were theoretically on offer in the area, in reality there was such a midwife shortage that there were never enough to attend dominos, as home-birth bookings got priority.

WideWebWitch · 18/07/2004 20:35

Meanbean's idea sounds good. I've had 2 home births and don't regret either of them, despite the second being a shocking and brutal labour. You rarely hear of people regretting a home birth IME.

zebra · 18/07/2004 20:48

Maybe it's exciting 2 go 2 hospital, but I think you can't beat tumbling right into your own comfy bed afterwards, to not worry about MRSA, to not have 2 send your kids off at short notice... To almost certainly know who your MW will be is icing on the cake.

Other mums on the ward kept me from sleeping/resting (loud chatter, TVs) -- big reason I chose Home after 1st baby!

Blu · 19/07/2004 13:54

No, I haven't regretted trying for a homebirth fro mine and DS's sake - we did end up in hospital, but the registrar said if i hadn't been at home DS would have been a CS baby - and personally, I'm happier that that wasn't needed.

BUT talking about it since, I have discovered that DP is really unhappy - feels that it was mainly MY choice that we went for it, my choice that we stayed at home so long, and that he spent hours sick with worry that we might lose DS, and hating the whole experience. I must say he really did do a good job as birth partner at the time, but 3 years later, he tells me that he gets angry if I remind him of the actual birth on DS's birthday - so it's something we can't share. I always want to re-share memories of the experience.

pupuce · 19/07/2004 14:19

I loved my home births including the one where I did transfer at the end... I have many friends who have had homebirths and I can't think of one who disliked/regretted it.
DH also found my 1st labour (at home) very hard top cope with but he is still very pleased that it was what I wanted and it all ended well. Not sure he would have been any happier in hopsital.
As a doula I can see that dads can feel scared/worried/anxious in hospital too.....

Beetroot · 19/07/2004 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

meysey · 19/07/2004 18:23

I had my second son at home and it was a long hard labour but I never regretted it at all. I had fantastic midwife support, which is so important, and I think if I had been in hospital I would have been wheeled in for a caesarian even though the baby was never in distress. I had the environment of my choice, and honey on toast at regular intervals.

You are lucky if you find hospitals exciting and can sleep in them. I found it too noisy to sleep a wink, first time round.

BUT if you think you will get more time to put your feet up in hospital, then that is a serious consideration. Unless there is a helpful friend or granny who can whisk your others away for ages at a time.

I think the midwife support is the most important thing. You could end up with a midwife you don't know who is looking after three women at once.

mummyintexas · 19/07/2004 18:47

Thank you for starting this thread Mog - I'm thinking about a home birth for my next baby (if I EVER get pg!)....good to find out if there have been any regrets amongst MNetters - delighted to hear that everyone has had a good experience. mit x

Original poster

Mog · 19/07/2004 20:01

My mum is coming to stay so someone to look after the children during labour shouldn't be a problem. How much she will help out afterwards though is a bit erratic as she only likes doing the 'nice' jobs, IYKWIM.
It's a really interesting point, Blu, about your husband as I think my dh has some reservations as our first baby was whisked to special care, although he has been reassured on the safety issue by my midwife and we live less than 5 minutes from the hospital.
Meanbean - are you going into hospital or staying at home for the birth?
Would love to hear more stories - thanks to those who have replied so far.

OP posts:

jennifersofia · 19/07/2004 21:39

No, not truely regretted it ever. Had both my two at home and it was great! I am convinced I got far better care at home (ended up with 3 midwives for 1st birth!) and I was definitely more relaxed. I did have feelings of jealousy when my friend in France told me of how she was in hospital for a week (after a totally non-problematic birth) having fine food and relaxing. At this point I did think that perhaps I should have gone into hospital for my 2nd, just to get a rest. However, I get the impression the NHS isn't quite like that...
One thing I would say is that I feel it is very important that it is something that you feel clear that it is what you want. I do think that if the pregnancy is normal homebirth is possibly safer than hospital birth.
Whatever you decide, best of luck!

mummytosteven · 19/07/2004 22:43

even with hospital births birthing partners can be quite traumatised by the whole process - particularly as they don't get any of the mind bending drugs on offer(!). I had a hospital birth that was relatively complicated, and DH doesn't like to talk about it - so this doesn't just happen with home births IYSWIM

weezer · 20/07/2004 15:14

Had my first DD at home and didn't regret it for a second. I had great service from a specialist NHS home birth midwife in North London who's team sadly have since been disbanded. Tried to have a homebirth with 2nd DD using the local hospital midwives (pot luck situation) and ended up rushing to hospital in a last minute panic and only got there with minutes to spare because they suddenly didn't have anyone available to send out to me. For me the most important thing is definitely the continuity of care whether it be in hospital or home. One of the reasons my first experience was so good was that I had established a comfortable trusting relationship with the midwife who was to deliver my baby. And being at home can be fantastic having everything just as you want it, your own bed, food etc.

oxocube · 20/07/2004 19:38

Loved mine and would def recommend having babies at home. Just feels right

midden · 20/07/2004 23:56

I am also convinced I had better midwifery care with my two home births. First was four years ago (today!) and I had met and chatted with all 8 midwives on my team, and knew that one of them would be attending my sons birth. This gave me the confidence to be at home and have a lovely birth experience, and I am convinced my labour would never have been as short (6 hrs) in hospital. Second time round I desperately wanted ds to feel a part of things and not be excuded at all from the process of aquiring a new sibling! He didn't witness the birth as my sister was around to be with him and it was bedtime as labour began anyway, but I will never forget the look on his face as he ran into our bedroom the next morning, and the precious and private moments the four of us spent cuddling on the bed that day. It just wouldn't have been the same in a hospital.
Mog if you feel you have good support from your community team and like what you hear from your midwife, I think that is a good reason to choose this option, it could make all the difference to the way your birth goes and easy birth = quick recovery, near essential in house with two toddlers I expect! best of luck.

Julietclaire · 21/07/2004 12:21

I would love to have a home birth. Unfortunately I live n Singapore where it is illegal!

vivie · 21/07/2004 14:08

I was offered a home birth and turned it down but reading these post I think I may change my mind.

bozzy · 21/07/2004 14:24

Hi, I had my first baby at home in London and everyone thought I was very brave. It was the best thing I could have done - I had an almost pain free labour with no pain relief because I was so relaxed - my baby was born in my bedroom - I spent a few hours leaning over the edge of my bed - it was the hottest day in UK history! My husband was very calm and supplied me with lots of cold flannels! I also had a doula with me who called in the midwife when I was fully dilated! I would definately go for a home birth and would recommend a doula if you can find one for peace of mind. Because my birth was quite quick (started 9pm with 5 min contractions almost immediately and gave birth at 6am) I don't think they would have sent a midwife out to me in time. By 8am, I had a shower and was sitting up in bed with my husband and baby beside me, eating cocoa pops! Everyone left us and midwife popped in, in the afternoon.

MarmaladeSun · 21/07/2004 20:06

Hi Mog. I had a homebirth on Friday with my third baby, and it is the best thing I could have done. I started labour at 2am, established labour at 4am and my 2 children aged 7 and 9 were asleep and unaware until about 8am. They saw the baby seconds after she was born, and heard her first cry which was a very special moment. I know if I had been in hospital I would have taken more pain relief and that, as the birth was slow, there would have been intervention. With my first 2, in hospital, I had bad tears and an apisiotomy and lots of stitches. With my homebirth I had one small tear and no stitches despite her being 9lb 6 oz! All because I was relaxed enough to listen to the mw's instructions. Then to have a bath and get into my own bed, with the children and Dh next to me, and baby feeding was the most wonderful feeling. I'd recommend it completely.

Heathcliffscathy · 22/07/2004 13:27

i tried for a home birth and don't regret it for a second (last four hours was in hospital - literally four hours!) and will do the same again if i ever get pregnant again. but it's all about having someone you trust with you, ideally a birthing partner and a midwife/doula that you know and trust.

motherinferior · 24/07/2004 20:26

Interesting, Blu. My dp very definitely did NOT want me to have dd2 at home - dd1 was a quite nasty hospital birth, culminating in emergency ventouse, and he was scared shitless it would happen again. I decided that I wanted a home birth enough just to go ahead with it.

And it was, quite simply, the most marvellous thing I have ever, ever done. I am quite amazed at just how often I think about it and with such excitement. I had excellent midwives - but one of them I'd never met before, and the other one I'd only met once. It was incredibly exciting. And even dp never, once, regrets it now.

Aero · 24/07/2004 22:17

Don't regret my homebirth with ds2 (in Jan) for one second - actually wish I'd had the courage to stay at home as planned when having dd, but I got cold feet in the end and went into hosp for pain relief (which incidently had no time to work anyway)only to have the most awful midwife who was just so cold and unsympathetic and sergeant-majorish that the whole experience was horrible. This time I stayed put, with the most fantastic, competant and experienced midwife who filled me with confidence and also had looked after me throughout the pregnancy (I've known her since she dd was born and she knew my feelings) and knew me well.
A supportive and caring midwife is imo fundamental to the whole giving birth experience. Your feelings are so important at this time and midwives who do community work are usually interested in home births. They don't leave your side once you're in labour and encourage you constantly. They know what they're doing and they don't have to worry about seeing to another mother elsewhere - also, they don't have to worry about more senior medical staff (who aren't so experienced in the actual delivering of babies) telling them what to do. At home, their job is to concentrate only on you and do everything possible to look after you and to ensure the safe arrival of your new baby into the world.
Actually - I'd not have missed that car journey to hospital anyway - every bump hurt! The lift took too long and their was no-one on the reception desk to let us in when in labour with dd! So I'd say go for it - I don't know of anyone who's regretted homebirth and you can transfer if you need to anyway. Yes, would do it all again tomorrow!HTH - sorry to go on a bit - I tend to get carried away as it was such a good experience!!

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