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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Family announced my babies birth

61 replies

ruthkinlan · 15/10/2017 17:20

Hi there ladies, am I overreacting? I recently gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby the birth itself was long and traumatic resulting in an emergency cesarian. Afterwards I was taking directly to recovery and had not had a chance to hold or even get a proper look at my baby.
When I finally got out of recovery hours later and baby was sleeping I picked up my phone to message friends with my happy news. I knew my hubby had informed just close family.
When I looked at my phone there was countless Facebook notifications. It turns our a family member had announced my babies birth on Facebook while I was in recovery having not even got to hold my baby yet. This announcement included gender, name, weight and even a picture of my child. To make matters worse I rarely share personal info on FB and had stated I did not want any info about the baby on FB. All family knew my feelings on this matter. I feel incredibly betrayed and cheated out of getting to personally share my wonderful news with closest friends. I've tried to gloss over the matter and not let it affect my happiness but I just can't look at the family member without feeling very angry with them.
Am I justified or overreacting?

OP posts:

Popskipiekin · 15/10/2017 17:26

Congratulations on your beautiful baby!
Not overreacting. I would be livid. Can you ask them to take down the annnouncement - if not, get in touch with Facebook and say the photo was taken (and/or shared, whatever is the case) without your consent and private information shared, again without your consent.
I'm so sorry this is spoiling this precious time for you. If it is one of your husband's family members I would be expecting him to come down on them like the proverbial tonne of bricks. Good for you for trying to rise above it - ultimately these things don't matter and who shared the birth may be quickly forgotten - but just to say I would be feeling exactly the same as you.

WhittlingIhopMonkey · 15/10/2017 17:27

That would annoy the bejesus out of me.you are definitely not being unreasonable.

confusedwife84 · 15/10/2017 17:30

Completely justified!!! I would be livid, it was not their news to share.

Sleepysooosleepy · 15/10/2017 17:32

I can sympathize, my mil did this before either me or my dh could officially announce our dd2. Neither of us were impressed

Fishface77 · 15/10/2017 17:33

Who was it?
I would confront them and they would not be seeing the child, getting pictures or details until I was satisfied that the attention-whore was sufficiently repentant.
Because in my mind that's what it is. They want attention and some kind of "glory".

CamperVamp · 15/10/2017 17:35

Oh, bloody Facebook and the idiots it makes of people.

On all fairness, those who posted and shared probably didn't realise the situation for you.

And tne messages show that by and large they were happy for you and wanting to show love and congratulations.

Do you know that your DH told close family to keep it off Facebook? He must have sent one of them a picture?

Was there one family member who broke a known embargo and posted? If so I would tell them that you feel upset by what happened.

People are total idiots.

KoolKoala07 · 15/10/2017 17:39

I would be livid! I'm on fb but very very rarely post. I would have to say something to the family member, even if it's just to receive an apology.

rotavixsucks · 15/10/2017 21:43

Sorry this has happened, I would be livid, though I guess it's too late now so don't have any suggestions on how sorting it. I was determined that no one was going to announce my daughters birth apart from me and hubby and that would only be by speaking to people in person. A lot called me a control freak but I was determined to enjoy our early days without unnecessary interruptions.

overmybreadbody · 15/10/2017 21:51

This makes me so angry! I'm currently 25weeks and can't imagine anything worse!
I can already imagine which of my family members would do this (and there are a few!)
You should say something

Original poster

ruthkinlan · 15/10/2017 22:15

Thanks ladies it's good to hear some support and that I'm not overreacting. I never share news on FB as I believe big moments like this should be shared in person, especially with those closest to me. Just the fact that all of FB seen a pic of my baby before I even got a proper look or hold is something I can't shake from my mind. As I said I've tried to rise above it but I can't get past it. So I feel I'm going to have to tactfully approach the family member and explain how their actions made me feel.... wish me luck!!

OP posts:

overmybreadbody · 15/10/2017 22:26

Out of interest... was it the MIL?

debbs77 · 15/10/2017 22:29

That's shocking!

I recently learnt of a friends pregnancy due to other people posting on her wall saying congratulations, yet she hasn't said anything herself.

And those people that share wedding photos while AT the wedding!

Original poster

ruthkinlan · 15/10/2017 22:47

Nope actually wasn't the MIL.... it was her sister!! I'll never understand people who feel the need to share someone else's big news. It's more about getting likes and comments than genuine happiness for the people involved!

OP posts:

MaisieDotes · 15/10/2017 22:50

Your MIL's sister. God I'd be spitting blood. On what planet did she think it was her place to announce your baby's birth?

Saying that, please don't let this overshadow the birth of your wonderful baby. Congratulations

DPotter · 15/10/2017 22:55

Why be tactful in your challenge? +
The family knew your views on FB announcements - one of them went ahead and the others didn't challenge when they should have had your back.
Let ripe - blame your hormones, its good for the blood pressure and you can be sure MIL's sister (!? - really ? If it was MIL at least she would have a better 'claim') is so thick skinned you have to 'be blunt' for the message to get thru. If you want to be polite - message your MIL - get your sister in line pronto or she can forget any contact for the next 18 years, oh and by the way - why haven't you done this already?

Sorry - have had a glass or 2 of red and this may have effected my judgement. But hey - blame the hormones and yell!

DPotter · 15/10/2017 22:57

My apologies - congratulations on your baby !

user1499169579 · 15/10/2017 22:58

Let it go. It's done.
Don't dwell on it further.
Don't even bother reading these messages.
Cuddle your baby.
Make a nest of love and peace for the three of you to rest in.
Savour all this
nothing else matters.

mummabubs · 16/10/2017 05:44

Bless you. I'm 41+1 weeks pregnant (and desperately trying to avoid induction/ c sec) but I've been very clear with my family and in-laws about the same desire that you have to keep our baby off Facebook. We won't be 'announcing' or posting pictures for the same reasons you've said OP. If any of our family don't respect that I'll be livid, never mind having been in your situation of not having held your child first. I get what others have said about trying not to dwell (easier said than done I'm sure!) but if you feel confident that MiL's sister knew your wishes re Facebook then I'd definitely communicate to her how she's made you feel and the impact of announcing such private news so publicly. Might make her think twice in future and frankly who posts baby news of their sister's DiL with all that info on Facebook?! Unless you're a v close knit family?

MrsEileithyia · 16/10/2017 09:15

This happened to me. I was still being stitched up and my DP told me SIL had announced the birth on fb. I rang her (still with a consultants head in fanjo) and told her to remove the post and I will announce it when I want it announced. Was removed sharpish. Cheeky fucker behaviour.

MagicFajita · 16/10/2017 09:23

Congratulations op! I hope you and your new arrival are well.

Our baby is due (4 days ago) and we've already decided that when he makes his appearance social media gets one cute , squidgy pic of our boy , we will choose the picture and we will choose when it's posted. We've told family (including older dcs) this and expect our privacy to be respected.

So in answer to your question , yes I'd be livid too.

user1483808257 · 16/10/2017 09:25

Congratulations!

I wouldnt be worried about being tactful, Id be furious!!

How out of order!

Orangebird69 · 16/10/2017 09:28

I'd be fuming. Days before ds was born I'd disabled the ability to be tagged or for other people to write on my fb wall. Not 100% secure I know bit it helped. I also told everyone that they were to say nothing on social media until I had. Thankfully they all listened. I'd have to say something to the offending idiot. Congrats on your baby!

Original poster

ruthkinlan · 16/10/2017 09:43

Good luck to all you ladies awaiting the birth of your beautiful babies
I've told DH my feelings and that I will be speaking to his aunt about the situation. I will try and be tactful for the sake of future family relations but if she is not repentant I will let her know just how angry she has made me at what should be a joyous time

OP posts:

PsychoPumpkin · 16/10/2017 09:45

I’m furious for you!

WitchesHatRim · 16/10/2017 09:48

If you want to be polite - message your MIL - get your sister in line pronto or she can forget any contact for the next 18 years, oh and by the way - why haven't you done this already?

Completely unfair to blame MIL. How is it her responsibility to manage the behaviour of her grown up adult sister?

for you OP. I would be annoyed too.

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