Husband traumatised by the birth

[Wibley]

Be grateful for advice if anyone has been in a similar situation. My husband was traumatised by the birth of our baby, for days after the birth he felt sick when trying to eat and kept having flashbacks of the birth. I eventually got him to talk to me about what was wrong and it seemed to help.
Now nearly 5 months on, he told me that whenever baby cries he can't help associating it with the birth. He feels useless around the baby even though he is a really good dad and helps out as much as he can. Sometimes baby cries for no reason when he is feeding or changing him and he thinks it is because of him.
Is he suffering from PND?

Birth Trauma Association may have some helpful stuff

have a look at this

I think it's worth speaking to the GP. I wouldn't get too hung up about labels (whether it's PND, depression, post traumatic stress) just yet (let the doctors do that) but it sounds like he might benefit from some counselling.

In the meantime, perhaps it's worth trying to talk to him again about the birth (if that helped before).

I must admit, I'm always quite grateful that I never had to see myself give birth (iyswim) or watch someone go through that level of pain so I can imagine how it could be a very traumatic experience for some birth partners.

If he found it helpful to talk to you about the birth, maybe as a first step (as well as talking to GP) you could make an appointment with a midwife from the hospital to go through your notes. Most hospitals have a service like this, called Birth Afterthoughts or something similar. You could ring the hospital's main switchboard and ask to be put through. I did this for my first birth and found it very helpful. A midwife came to my own house at a time that was suitable for both me and DH and she took her time to make sure we asked all the questions we wanted to. She'll also be able to suggest who else DH can see for help.

Thankyou for all you comments. The Birth Trauma Association website looks like it could be very helpful. I always knew it was a worse experience for him than it was for me, and to be honest I could hardly remember any of it afterwards. Anyway, thanks again.

Whibly I hope your husband will get better soon.

It's a really interesting topic. My friend has just recently given birth (a fairly straight-forward delivery) and her husband talked about it afterwards. He used to be in the army and he said that a woman giving birth looks like a person dying. I found that comment really interesting and he said that in the army they get training how to deal with things like that so he could rationalise the whole process. So, I can understand that a husband/partner etc who hasn't had this kind of training might find it upsetting to watch his partner give birth.

My husband said that during the birth of our ds he felt totally useless. He could see me in pain, and was totally helpless to do anything. Maybe your dh just keeps being reminded of how powerless he is, which for men and their giant egos can be quite traumatic.

mine wanted to punch the forceps weilding doctor... still talks about it 12 years later!

Your DH is not alone. My DH thought that DD was going to die, that I might go with her, and felt completely useless. He also feels guilty now that he went against my wishes and didn't fight the OB to get me an elective CS.
Talking has helped us, although it feels weird to be reassuring HIM about the birth!

Poor man . I think it must be dreadful to be the bloke witnessing a horrendous birth. They must feel so powerless. I remember dh's ashen terrified face when I was haemorrhaging and ds1 was being resuscitated.

I don't know about PND Wibley, but it sounds very like PTSD to me. It can hit you like a brick wall, effecting your sleep and causing depression. I hope he gets help.