To not know how to even begin recovering mentally from birth trauma?

[PumpernickleInaWarehouse]

Doctor didnt seem interested.
I don't know what to do.
Im having a really bad time.
I don't even know what else to say.

pumpernickle I am so so sorry to read what you went through. I also had an extremely traumatic birth (and lots of postnatal complications) and it's taken me years to come to terms with. I echo the other posters who have said about lodging a complaint once you feel up to it, and possibly a debrief. I got a formal apology from the head of midwifery at St George's in Tooting in the end - and physio and counselling. It still didn't even scratch the surface of what I'd been through (and the anger, feeling "cheated" somehow, or lied to, that these barbaric things go on every day and no one prepares you for it) - but it did get a little easier over time. You are doing so well to come on here and vent - so many people on here really do understand and believe you. Try to be kind to yourself however you can x x

So sori to hear this OP, how terrible for you.

Please get in touch with Birth Trauma and PALS as advised; my son was 17 recently and I had PTSD following an unplanned home delivery with him, having been sent home from hospital. I thought I was going to die at the time instead of give birth as Midwife said baby wouldn't be arriving any time soon. It took me a long time to get over my experience; struggled to bond with baby initially and never wanted any more children; also affected my relationships leading me to threaten suicide at my lowest point. Please ask for help and I hope you get what you need and deserve. Sending you big hugs

I had EMDR and it was great. I had PTSD after having my DS and the EMDR helped so much more than CBT. I still wobble over certain things but very rarely now although I am utterly terrified of ever getting pregnant again but I don't intend to so not fussed by that.

It is horrible and people who haven't experienced can't quite get there heads around it. It gets better, it really does.

I am furious for you. That sounds absolutely horrendous. Your reaction is very understandable. Let it out. It's early days and I hope that over time and with the right support you will find peace.

I am sorry to hear this.
I could have written your post, but my birth that traumatised me was a semi elective section. I can honestly say it was the worst day of my life and have largely erased it from memory. I could hardly celebrate my DDs birthday for years as it brought back flashbacks.

The only thing that helped was time and strangely another birth which was completely different and was at home.

Jesus Christ.

I'm so angry on your behalf reading this, OP.

I don't want to turn this into a 'c-section vs vaginal birth' debate but why the NHS insists on forcing women through 'natural' births at any expense to the mother's body and mental health - I will never fucking understand.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I really am. I had counselling for tokophobia during my pregnancy and they agreed to a scheduled section only because I was having twins. Didn't make it and had a different kind of traumatic experience to you but still struggling a year on.

I've recently started a job as a maternity Voices rep, talking to families about their experiences and feeding back to try and make changes to my local maternity services. Quite a few areas have someone like me, some employed and some voluntary. They would have a good idea of what help would be available to you and how best to pursue a complaint in your area. We also have a specialist maternity counsellor so there may be something like that available to you. If you contact me with your local hospital name I can try to put you in touch with someone if there is anyone nearby who can help you?

It doesn't sound silly at all - internals and being examined generally were high on my list of fears after having some invasive gynae incidents in the past so I completely understand. I am just so sorry they did not take your fears into account in handling your care, it's completely unacceptable and it's really important that those higher up in the system are made aware of this complete failure in your care.

I could have written your post myself.

Please please try to get support for this sooner rather than later.
I suffered for 8 years, then got pregnant again unexpectedly and everything came to a head. I was diagnosed with PTSD following birth trauma.
One of the reasons I didn’t get help soon after that birth is that everyone told me not to worry “I just had a baby” and as I didn’t meet the criteria for PND, my issue were ignored.

Is there a psychological well being service in your area? In the area I live, post-natal mental health is prioritised and you can self-refer online - you may be able to do this yourself without the Involvement of any other HcP - i can’t recommend this enough if you are able to self-refer.

And when you feel strong enough, complain via PALs - I wish I had, not that it would change much for me, but it would potentially mean another mother avoiding the same situation.

Your feelings are real and valid - don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

PumpernickleInaWarehouse
This is horrific, if you complain using PALS for support, will your partner back you up with a written statement? Do you have any support?

www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/1084.aspx?categoryid=68

Really feel for you, not to underestimate your feelings at all but want to reassure you that everyday will not be like today. The feelings may take time to fade and if they do not there is always help available previous posters have made some good suggestions and I hope that you get the support you need.

I'm so sorry. I had a traumatic miscarriage and 3 traumatic births. The miscarriage and final birth were the worst. The other 2 were awful and I was scared to give birth again but the last birth was truly horrific. I'm so scared of becoming pregnant again. My dh has had a vasectomy but I still panic if my period is late and cry with relief when it comes.

OP, with regard to your relationship, having more kids etc, there is hope. Keep communication open with your partner as much as possible so he understands how you are feeling and how difficult this is for you. I felt the same way afterwards about being touched and for a long time even flinched and panicked if someone hugged me, but eventually I managed to process what happened enough to gradually get back to normal. It can take a very long time to heal emotionally, so go easy on yourself and don't assume that everything will be this bad a few months or years down the line.

I really don't know what to say but it sounds absolutely horrendous, I feel angry for you and I feel sad for you too. What an awful, awful way to be treated.

It sounds like you have been very badly let down. You have every right to be in a state.

I think I'd say don't panic, one thing at a time. Please contact both PALS to complain and the Birth Trauma association other people are mentioning. We still have a way to go with understanding trauma and PTSD but there is help out there and it does make a difference. If you get appropriate help then you won't feel like this forever. It is possible to move past trauma and to heal, however oit of reach that feels now

The issue with your partner... it's very easy to catastrophise but try not to go there. At the moment you can't face intimacy or sex. That is fine. It's your body. You're in control and having just given birth it's normal to not want sex anyway. That doesn't mean to say that that is how you'll keep feeling. You might need some help at this point to get back to being ok with the idea of sex but that doesn't mean it'll be impossible forever. Talk to your partner about your fears and do this together. Hopefully he can reassure you.

I really hope you feel able to reach out and get some support. Emdr which someone else mentioned is fantastic. Sending you a gentle unmumsnetty hug. You aren't alone.

OP, we're so sorry to hear you've been through such a tough time.

We just wanted to move this over to our Childbirth topic, where we hope you'll continue to receive some fantastic support.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and i'm angry that you were forced into a natural birth! Disgusting NHS!

Headofthehive55 I'm so sorry you had a terrible time too! Can I ask what is a semi elective section? Xxx

pigface
I had to fight for a non surgical birth. I don't know why the NHS tried to insist on the surgical option when it left me so traumatised.

I think each woman should be allowed to choose.

It wasn't an emergency there and then - but was all very precautionary precautionary. The babies head hadn't engaged....

I remember getting pregnant again and being delighted that I miscarried as it meant I didn't have the awful prospects of birth.

Just to add, I couldn't face sex for 10 months - combination of things including hormones and complete lack of sex drive. We had sex twice and it hasn't happened since. It's tough but we are still going - it will take time for you to process what's happened with professional help.

I knew I couldn't handle a vaginal birth because of my phobia, but now after my ecs and certain things that happened I'm not sure I could handle another c section or rather another spinal or epidural again. I've been convinced this means I can't have any more children but a year on I'm starting to think I could possibly manage it. 12 weeks is still so early and you really do need some professional help to work through this, I'm sure (just realising now I need some too).

When you are up to it, your case needs to be reported and investigated. Under NICE guidelines you had every right to a maternal request c section, and refusing that with your tokophobia is unacceptable, let alone what actually happened and the things that were said to you. Completely unacceptable.

More children is not something to worry about right now - if you decide you do want more, you can go in armed with information on your rights, the complaint you will have made by then and the notes on your first birth and absolutely get the c section you want, if that's what you want. If consultants refuse, you go to the department heads and you insist. It's completely possible and your right to choose. Please don't worry about that at this stage though, you need to focus on recovering from this trauma. Lots of hugs to you x

I also with they'd fucking stop calling it a natural birth. There is nothing natural about having a midwife break your waters or having a consultant pull your baby out with forceps and ventouse and having to spend 3 hours getting stitched up etc. It's a vaginal birth. And this fetishisation of it as "natural" just leads to women being more traumatised and guilty.

I'm not recommending that everyone get sections - just saying that the terminology used is loaded with judgement.

Christ almighty, that sounds inhumane.

I suffered trauma from the birth of my daughter but not anything related to what you have experienced.

I was raped last year. A few weeks ago I went to have bloods taken. Except it wasn't just bloods. They wanted to do an ECG (fuck knows why). I panicked. I cursed and I swore at the nurse (who was like a bull in a china shop). I just couldn't cope with having someone touching me. They didn't know what was wrong with me obviously, so I probably came across as insane.

The trauma you're experiencing seems similar to what a rape victim would feel (or at least similar to what I as a rape victim feel). People suggest counselling to me, but I'm a bit 'meh'. It's not going to change the fact that I don't want any bastard male or female coming next nigh or near me ever again. Maybe it would help. Realistically, as things stand, I would readily forego my relationship if the alternative was having to have someone (my partner) near me.

I wish you the best of luck. Seek out counselling that is going to address the violation that occurred. A lot of counselling for births can tend to address other issues - loss of control, fear of loss etc..

I'm so so sorry to read you had such a traumatic time. Your care sounds very mismanaged and I would really recommend complaining about it and seeking support for yourself to help you deal with this. Don't worry about your relationship for now, I'm sure your partner understands. Seek the help you need to cope with this and ensure you get answers as to why this was allowed to happen.

tie im sorry from the bottom of my heart that happened to you! They way you are describing how you feel is actually similar to how I feel. I feel fucking angry and horrified that they can touch me and go anywhere near my vagina! I know this is completely irrational, thats why I know I need help for this. I feel like im violated by being touched. I felt like they violated ne that day. It went on for hours with so many people coming in the room and so many people examining me before id had pain relief aswell, my whole fucking tokophobia was about things being inserted inside me....i.e. Hands medical instruments etc
Basicially i felt like id soent 15 hours being put through my worst nightmare and im so angry because i told them all repeatedly
I want to find them and tell them personally that what i said would happened to me has happened and ask them to stand up for a minute and think about what they ar putting women through even in this day and age!