C-section vs Vaginal birth - Advice needed

[Bisquick]

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and expect to discuss birth options with my consultant in a couple of weeks.

If there is any medical reason he suggests a c-section I'd just go for it immediately.

Absent any medical reason I'm torn between both options. Any advice welcome particularly regarding recovery etc (Detailed circumstances below which will be relevant).

We had a stillbirth at 37 weeks in January. I went into labour naturally then - waters broke went to hospital, was told to labour at home, came back at around 5cm dilation. They couldn't find a heartbeat. Dilated from 5cm to 10cm and gave birth to our stillborn son vaginally all within a space of about 30 mins.

Extensive investigations haven't found a cause for the stillbirth or why my labour was so sudden and quick.

I didn't have an epidural despite begging for one (long story) and had some first degree tears which healed up quickly.

On c-sec I'm worried about needing GA (I'm so freaked out and anxious about birth I would like to be awake and have my DH in with me), worried about being groggy and nauseous during first days, establishing breastfeeding etc.

But obviously main priority is just getting this LO out safe and sound.

On vaginal birth I'm worried about my pelvic floor, but mostly worried about my ability to deal with labour. Obviously when I am calm I can handle it and am grieving but it is manageable. I wonder if I'll just freak out mid labour if it reminds me too much of last time. I worry about baby undergoing stress (perhaps that's what went wrong with our son?) and so on.

FWIW we've gone private this time so hopefully a much lower chance of all the endless fuckups with pain relief and monitoring that we had on the NHS. I'm not specifically blaming anyone but if we had been monitored better this wouldn't have happened, and the emotional pain of delivering my dead baby was only compounded by their continuous fuckups with regards to the epidural.

I've tried to make this as unemotional as possible following multiple rewrites, but you know what I mean? I want help making a decision and right now I'm struggling to do so.

In your situation, I would and did go for ELCS. My dc2 was stillborn and I wavered for a while between induction and ELCS for dc3. I knew I would panic very easily and the ELCS was calm and quick and not painful. I have no regrets.I was up and about quickly and driving at 3 weeks (GP approved). Good Luck.

t1mum3 I think lots of posters above have highlighted the pros and cons of sections vs vaginal birth and obviously there are risks in both methods. I'm probably among those who'll roll the dice in favour of taking on slightly greater risk to myself vis a vis the baby, just given my circumstances.

Not engaging with @Suzi763 because they've either not read and understood the original post, or continue to be patronising AF. Having actually delivered vaginally without any pain relief I think I don't really need to be told how "unbelievably painful" the experience is physically. But don't want to also just respond to one piece of irrelevant agenda-pushing at the expense of acknowledging all the other useful advice that people have taken the time to write.

LunaticFringe I'm so sorry for your loss! And thanks for sharing your story.

12 weeks to go now, I'll hopefully be back with a happier update then holdthewine

c-section has long term side effects or you can say it has its side effects for the whole life.

This is absolute and complete crap. Please ignore this complete nonsense.

I think, as you don't have any answers about what went wrong last time and why you lost your baby, I would go with the ELCS as there are less unknown variables. If you could say "it happened because..." and eliminate that risk, that would be different. I've known people have them just because their previous labour was so fast, so you might have that medical need anyway.

I had a semi-elective (went into labour before planned date but had cs for same medical reasons) and a "went to plan" ELCS - neither were a big deal at all in terms of recovery, very different from an EMCS.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

My daughter was stillborn (at 37 weeks) in 2014, I understand your worries. It's so stressful being pregnant again isn't it?

My situation was slightly different as DD passed away while I was being induced. Despite this I opted for another (highly monitored) induction with DD2. Induction was slow and due to delays on the labour ward it took 6 days before I could have my waters broken and the drip. After all this and hours of labour I ended up having an EMCS due to signs baby was in distress.

If I'd known what I know now (even without the delays etc) I would have an ELCS, I was petrified of having one but it was nowhere near as bad as I feared. Most importantly DD was (alive) healthy. No grogginess except from exhaustion, DH was with me the whole time (except for surgery prep) and they were very sensitive to our fears. I'm not going to lie it was painful for the first few days, especially sitting up from bed etc but it eased quicker than I thought it would. Now, 12 months on, I have some very mild numbness in the incision area and it's a tiny bit tender if I squidge it From what I understand recovery is generally even better from a planned section.

I hope that helps but if I can answer any more questions just pm me.

Good luck x

Yes @mimiholls - there is another thread on at the moment where OP is struggling with feelings of intense disappointment and failure regarding the birth of her first and it's just sad that we put women through this with needlessly attaching value judgements to what should be medical decisions. Just one more stick for us women to beat ourselves up with.

Thanks for sharing @LetsSplashMummy - glad your CS experiences have also been positive!

And @Jaffacakesinmypocket I'm so sorry for your loss! And yes, exactly. On one hand I feel lucky to even be able to be pregnant again, but also so anxious, and trying NOT to be anxious because that isn't good for the baby either and so on! I'm glad your EMCS turned out okay in the end and you have your happy healthy rainbow baby!

Bisquick: I'm so sorry if I upset you. I was trying to reassure you on the question you raised:

"Obviously I would be offered continuous monitoring this time but what if it fails or highlights problems at a stage when there isn't time to do a CS etc etc.*"
*
I meant to reassure you that whatever choice you make, as long as you are monitored, (which you will be) there WILL be time to do a CS even if things do go wrong. This was intended as a positive story. The outcome for my DD and baby DGC was entirely good despite everything going wrong, because of being in the right place with the constant monitoring.

Best wishes and, again, I'm apologise if I was too graphic.

No holdthewine - I see what you meant with your original post and you haven't made me more anxious don't worry!

Intellectually I know continuous monitoring will mean there is time etc. It's just emotionally that I am struggling with it because of our crash cart experience gone awfully wrong last time. And there no one seemed to move fast enough!