Nervous about childbirth

[AInman]

Hi, my husband and I are talking about trying for a baby, but whenever I think of actually having a baby, the thought of labour terrifies me. Did anyone else feel the same? Any suggestions about how to overcome this?

I actually really enjoyed it (don't get me wrong it hurt, and neither of my labours went smoothly) but they were both really enjoyable. I would imagine that a straightforward labour would be awesome fun! Even if it isn't when push comes to shove you have no choice but to push, literally. And then it will be over. It's really not sonething that you should be frightened of. I know it sounds terrifying but it is completely natural and, thanks to modern medicine, generally safe. You always have the option of a epidural (I had one, it was great, no pain at all after I had it done).

Thanks for your message. Hopefully more stories like this will make me feel better but I wonder if it's an actual phobia? I'm not sure I could handle an epidural as I'm not a fan of needles either!

We put off having children for a number of years partly until we were ready but also as the thought of labour was so daunting. Strangely once I fell pregnant I was very accepting of the fact it was coming out one way or the other! I only had blood taken three times across the 9 months although they did take it twice after the birth as well so not too many needles involved. I took an active birth and labour workshop to build up my confidence and used the techniques plus a Tens machine when I had to get out of the birthing pool. I didn't have any other pain relief and it honestly wasn't at all like I expected and once the baby is here you do forget all of it. I just kept thinking if it was so bad no one would ever have more than one child!

I was nervous about labour before I had my first daughter but when I got pregnant with her I kind of accepted it was inevitable and I'd get through it. I'm quite a nervous person but when I went into labour I was really calm the whole way through and actually felt excited as I was meeting this little person, I also didn't find out her gender so was desperate to see if she was a boy or a girl. Second time round was better as I wasn't nervous at all.

I was exactly like you- I had a friend who'd had children who encouraged me to watch OBEM, but that just made it worse! I found that once I became pregnant the fear just seemed to fade; instead of being this impossible thing that I thought I would never do I began to feel that I could do it. I don't know if that's helpful at all!

Currently 37 weeks and birth is imminent apparently.

I'm fairly relaxed about it. I know one way or the other baby is coming out and largely it's out of my control. My body knows what to do it was designed to do this. I just have to trust it.

I am nervous as it's something I've not done before so largely a fear of the unknown.

But trust in your body. If you want a baby it's likely you'll have to give birth (unless you go down the adoption or surrogacy route).

I found hypnobirthing helped me relax in the lead up to it. We touched on it in my antenatal classes and I got a cd to listen to for the last couple of months. I didn't have a straight forward birth but I feel like i took the issues in my stride. If i have another i think i will do some proper sessions.

Actually I also found pregnancy itself calmed me down. I was a very anxious person before but being pregnant seemed to help me focus on the here and now rather than worry about what might happen.

Try hypnobirthing? Also pregnancy yoga and Pilates helped me.

And the thought that other people got through it and chose to do it again! It is very painful but it's different from normal pain (a signal to stop doing whatever is causing the pain) because the pains are helping the baby to get out.

It can be a phobia (toco/tokophobia). There is specialist support for women who suffer with it, especially if it is causing severe anxiety during pregnancy. I wouldn't let a fear of giving birth stop you from having a child, it is such a small part of their- and your life. Look up the Positive Birth Movement, they have meetings where they discuss how to make birth a positive experience.

My own labor was fine, I went from 4cm to fully very quickly (once my waters broke). I was too late for an epidural then. I had to be continously monitored due to meconium in the waters and my baby became distressed. The doctor wanted to use forceps but I asked her to try ventousse first or go straight to a c section. But in the end my baby moved position slightly and I was able to deliver vaginally. It helped being informed so I had the confidence to question and ask for alternatives.

When you're 38 weeks pregnant you'll be praying for labour!

I absolutely hated it but mine was managed quite badly. Next time I'll be getting a different doctor and I'm hoping that I'll have a better experience.

Notice that I said 'next time' - it's awful but worth it.

39 weeks here. When I first found out I was pregnant I cried for days convincing myself I wouldn't be able to do it. This faded in the middle once the excitement of being a mum kicked in and now I couldn't care less. Just can't wait to have my baby here. I'm desperate for the pain to start so I know she is coming. It's gonna hurt but it will be amazing once she arrives. And if I do get panicky I can just go and look at all the cute baby stuff I have

Hi OP. For what it's worth I was really excited about birth - I thought it was going to be a joyous, wonderful experience at home. I was terrified of hospitals and have an extreme fear of needles so never once thought I'd end up in hospital. Needless to say I ended up with emergency C-Section and I am fine. Yes I am still petrified of needles but the staff are incredible and they will help you. My advice is visualise your ideal labour and find a mantra for when doubts creep in. I wouldn't say my mantra of 'it won't happen, don't think about it' is the best but something like 'no matter what happens I'll be fine' and just keep repeating.