[Feeling lost and scared] Elective C-Section

[dolly1234]

Hi ladies,

This is my first time posting on this forum, and I am somewhat of an imposter. The reason being, I am not yet pregnant!

My husband and I are ready to start a family in the very near future, but there is a problem.

I don't want to go into great detail, forgive me. However, I need to have an elective c-section. A natural birth is simply not an option for me.

As a teenager, I was raped. Due to a variety of reasons, that makes a natural birth absolutely impossible for me. I have had support, therapy, counselling etc. over the years and am generally doing well and in good mental health.

However, thinking about family planning and giving birth has caused a lot of emotions to resurface, and I have resumed counselling with a therapist specialising in rape survivors. She is wonderful and, knowing the full circumstances and having explored options with me, she completely understands my need for an elective c-section and inability to cope with a natural birth. My husband is supportive of this.

I have spoken with my GP, who has told me that psychological reasons can warrant an elective c-section, but "it depends on who you speak to". I have asked to speak with an obstetrician or midwife, but referrals are not made until I actually fall pregnant.

I need to know before I fall pregnant if I can have a c-section.

If I were to fall pregnant and then be told I must have a natural birth, I would be in a completely impossible situation. I would not want to terminate a very much desired pregnancy. And I could not have a natural birth.

It seems that access to maternity professionals only happens once you fall pregnant.

My husband and I are now in "limbo" because we will not start trying to conceive unless we know I can have a c-section. Our backup plan is adoption, and we would need to start that process fairly soon.

I would so appreciate any advice. Who can I speak with? What can I do?

Any pointers in the right direction would be so appreciated.

I hate that such an exciting time, planning for a baby, which should be filled with joy and hope... is actually dominated by this horrible incident that happened so many years ago. I hate that it affects what should be a wonderful time. I am losing sleep and am so worried about this. I am desperate to be a mother and my husband is being patient with me, but we need to move forward with this.

I am keen to find out what my options are. As my GP was not very helpful, I am turning to the people that surely know best - you!

I live on the border between Cheshire and Merseyside. Any ideas where I should be going to and who I should be asking?

Are you Warrington/St Helens/Runcorn/Widnes?

The good news is you aren't in a bad location to get help.

Ask to try and get a referral to Liverpool Womens if you can before getting pregnant. They have the most experience with people suffering from the condition in the region. And you definitely can choose it to give birth in, although this does have some complications and difficulties (you need to be on the ball with your test timings and chasing up results as there are different policies between Trusts for this).

I think the situation is improving elsewhere, but its not as far advanced as in Liverpool Women's who have carried out research projects into the subject with Liverpool University.

Most importantly it means you will get taken seriously.

You can get referred before getting pregnant. Its down to your GP to do this. The key is therefore getting your GP on board. You are not a priority for a referral but it is possible to do if you can make a case that your fear is severe enough to merit it. Its unusual and difficult but not unheard of. If you are being told you can't get a referral without being pregnant this is categorically wrong unless Liverpool Women's have changed their policy since 2014. This is potentially about your GP being difficult not the services that are ultimately out there and available to you.

Check out the NICE guidelines on
www.nice.org.uk/guidance/CG192 Antenatal and postnatal mental health.

These state that women should be able to get appropriate help BEFORE being pregnant if it is relevant if they have mental health issues. This includes for tokophobia. This is your friend. Make a case from this to help get a referral before conceiving.

The whole thing is about being able to navigate the system and knowing what your rights are (and are not) and what care pathways should be available to you. Unfortunately a lot of HCPs are unaware of this or don't follow NICE guidance which means it is often down to you to take the initiative and be pushy about it.

Liverpool because of its experience in the field is not as backwards about when they discuss birth choices, particularly given your history.

The worst case scenario is that you can now go private at Liverpool too.

Good luck.

Feel free to PM if you want.

I also have a fear of childbirth, the whole thing-examinations, complications, being touched...the list goes on! It's called tokophobia and has a variety of 'causes' for you it seems its the childhood trauma, I've no idea why I have mine. But I do. It's horrible isn't it. You want something so badly, but yet feel completly unable to do it! I am currently in the process of getting a c section agreed before pregnancy, it us possible, but not always easy.

I first approached my gp in January, in a bit of a state, he didn't think c sections are agreed before pregnancy and so refered me for cbt. There was quite a long wait for this so I went back to him in May and asked him to do something else. Think he was at a bit of a loss and so sent me to a gynaecologist.

The gynae was amazing, she has said there is absolutely no reason a section can't be agreed before pregnancy and is going to write me a letter confirming that it is what she feels best for me. I do have to see a psychiatrist and c section midwife before this can happen, to check I have the mental capacity to understand the risks/benefits and make the choice for myself.

The cbt us also really helping, the first lady I saw wasn't great and didn't understand at all, the new one im seeing understand that I'm not going to change ny mind, but is working on helping with staying calm, how to approach the doctors etc in an effective way, worries I have about c section etc.

It feels to me that once I'd got to the actual people who can make these decisions they totally understood and are sympathetic to tokophobia. However getting to see them has been a challenge. Don't give up though, it's taken me about 9 months to get to see the gynae and I finally feel like I'm being listened to. It really is possible, but probably won't feel like it at times.

I'm happy to message you in private and share more details if it would help? Good luck, we can do this....i hope!! :-)