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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Need some.advice

14 replies

Scrivs88 · 19/08/2017 23:12

Hi , I'm 4 weeks away from giving birth . I'm not and haven't been in a relationship with the father. At the beginning of my.pregancy I said the father could be in the delivery room. But as the pregnancy has gone on , he really hasn't been there at all for support etc. And as it gets closer i habe realized that i dont really comfortable with having him in the room while I give birth. Is that unfair to my son to.not allow him to be there? Feeling very confused as it is such a personal thing giving birth . But also dealing with his possible anger that may come from my possible choice help please

OP posts:

Alittlepotofrosie · 19/08/2017 23:14

Your son will neither know nor care. The birth is about you. You need to be happy and as relaxed as possible and supported by someone who cares about you. Is there anyone else you can ask that you trust?

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 19/08/2017 23:14

You only need to be concerned with what YOU want while in labour. If you don't want him there then he can't be there regardless of what he thinks xx

Gunpowder · 19/08/2017 23:15

You should have whoever you want and whoever will be most supportive. Labour can be tough. Your son won't remember, it's more about how you feel.

Original poster

Scrivs88 · 19/08/2017 23:17

Ye my mum is going to be with me and that's I suppose the only person I want there. He has been the main stress factor in my.pregnancy . Thank you ladies . I feel like I'm going mad atm xx

OP posts:

DuggeeHugs · 19/08/2017 23:24

IMHO the birth is really about you being as comfortable as possible - not about him or even your new baby (strange as that may sound). Your son will not remember his birth but you will. Feeling awkward or uncomfortable because someone you don't want present is in the room will not help you. I don't believe this will help your son either and you won't be letting him down by doing what is best for you.

Labour wards tend to have a limit to the number of birth partners you are allowed - do you have anyone else, e.g., mum or friend, who could fill those slots? Then invite him to meet his son as soon as you feel ready after the birth?

Do you have family who can support you in your decision? I don't know what to suggest regarding his potential anger, but the relationship board here on MN has lots of really helpful posters for that type of issue, so you may wish to post in there too.

Alittlepotofrosie · 19/08/2017 23:31

Im sorry to hear you're struggling. Is this your first?

Original poster

Scrivs88 · 19/08/2017 23:32

Ye you can have 2 , but I think I just want my mum. Yea my parents r supportive. Sometimes it's easier having outside opinion, so thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Scrivs88 · 19/08/2017 23:36

Ye this is my first . Was a big surprise , thanks as they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! X

OP posts:

user1493059174 · 19/08/2017 23:45

Your son will never know or care who was with you. You say he has been a stress through your pregnancy and the last thing you need is someone who gives you stress whilst you are in labour. Lovely you have your mum with you, she loves you and has been through it herself so you will have her total support and understanding. Enjoy your baby xx

Alittlepotofrosie · 20/08/2017 08:53

You might feel scared and overwhelmed at times. I have never felt as vulnerable as when i was in labour and afterwards and you need someone who will stick up for what you want if you don't feel able to. Do not be bullied into letting him be there. He mighr call you a bad mother or try and guilt trip you. Dont worry about it. You and the baby are the only important ones when you are giving birth. Don't tell him when you've gone into labour. If you think he might turn up at the hospital you can ask the midwives to not let him in.

Alexandra07 · 21/08/2017 23:20

Have you discussed it with him recently? Does he really want to be there? It's not a fun place to be! Maybe he doesn't really care.
I agree with everyone else, giving birth is about you and you should be the one deciding who you want to be with you. Ask your midwife to take a note of the change and inform the father.

zzzzz · 21/08/2017 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornishgirl17 · 24/08/2017 21:17

My sons father wasn't in the delivery room. We weren't together for long before falling pregnant and split when I was pregnant. He was a nightmare.

I didn't feel comfortable with him there and the most important thing in labour is what YOU need/want. If you don't want him there, that is your choice.

I cause a bit of agro with it. Being called unfair etc but this man treated me like dirt so why should he be there?

Good luck btw!

Eskimo16 · 28/08/2017 00:19

Hey Scrivs88, I hope you're not feeling pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortabl. Birth is first and foremost about you and baby, the dad can see baby afterward but he does not need to be there during the birth if it makes you even a little bit uncomfortable. You're not being unfair or selfish, it's your body and you get to choose. It will not hurt baby or dad if they meet for the first time a few hours after he is born. Do what is right for you xo Hope it goes well x

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