2nd Birth after traumatic 1st....

[asilikeit]

I have had an appointment today with consultant regarding the birth of 2nd child. Without going into too much detail my first birth was horrendous, I feel poorly managed, far too long and left me seething with resentment and postnatal depression.

As expected the meeting today was full of how 2nd births are quicker/ easier/ less complicated etc and I am much more likely to give birth naturally with no problems. However the doctors have left if very open and said that if a section is what I want then I can have one no problem.

My problem is that a section also petrifies me- yes it's a common surgery but it's also major abdominal surgery which I don't see as an easy alternative. I have absolutely no faith in my ability/ my bodies that it can labour and deliver a baby naturally without massive complications. It's as feasible to me as landing on the moon next week.

But I just don't know what to do at all, I have the option to go into labour naturally and at any time be sent for a section but am I best to just opt for the section and not labour at all? So confusing and husband just wants me to do what I feel is best whilst listening to the doctors. He has said there is no chance he would go through a labour after witnessing the first.

Has anyone had a 'normal' birth after a horrific 1st? Excuse the use of the word normal- I don't want to offend anyone, it makes me feel shit when people talk about normal natural births like I have failed, but I just don't know how else to describe it.

Thanks ! 😊

I had a horrendous first birth, won't go into too much detail but induced with drip without any pain relief and when I asked for epidural/drugs was refused. I have just given birth to my second and It really was amazing. Yes it was easier, went into labour naturally at 41 and half weeks. I did keep very active throughout my pregnancy going to a pregnancy fitness and stretching class and I also practiced hypnobirthing which I was a bit sceptical about. I was also terrified of both natural labour and cs but decided to wait out to the 42 weeks to see what happened. My contractions started early afternoon and when we finally went to the hospital I was 8cm. An hour and half later my baby had arrived. Really was easier than first. But do what ever your gut tells you. A elcs might be better as more relaxed and planned and might help you and your husband come to terms with the first. Good luck

Thanks mustbe. I would love to be able to have the same type of 2nd birth as you have had, I am just seriously doubting myself which is ridiculous as I'm usually the most annoying cock sure confident person at bloody everything! 😳

I definitely don't feel anywhere near as fit as pre pregnancy- normally a netball player but not allowed to play after 12 weeks and I only have 8 weeks left so not sure how much I can Improve fitness at this point.

I have some hypnibirthing stuff off a lovely friend so will get stuck into that!

Anyone else with similar experiences?

I felt the same as you, basically bloody terrified whatever happened - but my second birth was much easier, and the experience of all of my friends (bar none) was the same. One useful tip was to go straight for the epidural and natural birth, because this time it's less about the so called "experience" of childbirth and more about making sure you're in the best possible place to be a mother of two when the new one arrives.

Bad first birth here - (interventions, baby needed resuscitation, internal and external stitches). Second birth an absolute dream. Third birth even faster.

Thanks everyone, these are all making me feel a bit more positive about it all! The Drs have said that if at any point they think further intervention would be needed/ labour was failing to progress I could go straight for a section then rather than wait and see which does make me feel better.

Can I not just wake up one morning with a baby next to me?!? 😁

My first birth wasn't great either. One of the options I discussed was booking a c-section at 41 weeks (DC1 was born 13 days over), so giving my body a chance to go into labour but intervening if I went overdue with what was likely to be another big baby. In the end I didn't go for that, but did decide to refuse a hormonal drip to induce of augment labour - I'd have gone for a c section instead. Are there any options like that for you could put down? I found the consultant midwife very helpful for talking through options if your trust has one.

As it happened like everyone else above my 2nd birth was much easier, and I found it a very healing experience. I needed stitches again but because of what happened the first time they were very careful with them - I'd plastered my birth plan with the key things I didn't want to happen again and stitches failing was too of the list. Good luck!

1st birth wasn't nice, induced 24 hour labour, 4 hrs pushing, drugged up on pethidine before a final forceps in theatre delivery. Could have been worse but not something I'd like to do again.

2nd birth, spent the morning with toddler at a playgym timing contraction on their clock. Only went to hospital as there was some blood in a show. Dd2 born 40 mins after arrival, only 20 mins of gas and air and 3 pushes. I remember just sitting there saying to the midwife, 'was that it?, I'd do that again anyday!'

3rd birth was quick and super traumatic but for different reasons.

From most stories I hear, 1st isn't great, 2nd is easy, 3rd can go either way. However the plural of anecdote is not evidence!

dc 1 was not a pleasant experience. 27hours. Eventually got to an epidural, stirrups, forceps, tore, stitches. Was on the verge of being taken into theatre. etc.

dc2 shot out in about 20mins, some 4 hours after a felt a slight twinge / indigestion type 'discomfort'. I didn't get to the delivery suite. No drugs. Obviously no time for an epidural. No gas and air. Just no resistance left I guess

I'm in a similar position to you op. Horrible first labour, ending in EmCs. Induced at 11 days over, they used a drip. It was poorly managed by the day midwife. (The night staff were amazing though) it was terrifying. I have my consultant midwife appointment next month. My midwife advised me that if I go into spontaneous labour it should be fine, but if it got to the point where induction was needed, she'd advise an elective.

I've been worrying about it a lot. Only 23 weeks so I've got lots of time. But I think I'm going to go for an elective.

I think my biggest fear is it resulting in the same thing. I'd rather plan a section, than have to be rushed into one. All I've heard about electives has been positive. And that recovery has been easier.

Sorry, probably not much help. But I'm with you in your worries. My partner wants me to have an elective. I think he found it really hard to watch my labour with our son.

Yup, hideous first birth....preeclampsia, 48+ induction, retained placenta, 4 litre blood transfusion, emergency hysterectomy form signed but thankfully not used.

Second birth........absolutely textbook - nothing exciting to say expect afterwards I remember saying "oh that was easy....I'd do that again!"

I haven't! 😄

First birth was simply dreadful.
Second was wonderful....elective Caesarian. Recovery much quicker than the first time.
That said, it is lovely to read all the positive stories.